He is My Son

I can't put into words how a parent feels when his child is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

you may pass him. he is handsome, and his skin is darkened from hours of walking aimlessly in the afternoon sun. he is slim from lack of eating, and not having a set routine. he may have a distant stare, as if he is lost in thought. he once was the most popular kid in school. the phone rang constantly. he was funny, and fun to be around.

then the voices came when he was around nineteen, that was seven years ago. the doctors called it schizophrenia. he spent several years in places they called residence houses. his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment.

we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn't take his medicine. for a while he had an apartment. he couldn't make it on his own.

 

he left our house several months ago. we had no contact of any kind with him. his mother cries every night. i saw him yesterday. he was sitting near our mail box, waiting to get his check from ssd. i begged him to come in, so he could contact his case worker. his voices have convinced him that i am responsible for his illness. i asked him what he has been doing. he said he walks. at night he sleeps in alleys and behind restaurants. i took him and bought him food, then helped him cash his check, which he had been forging my name to. i asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me i could let him out where we were. we were twenty some miles from our home. when i drove off i looked in the rear view mirror. i saw my boy walking. he told me he needed to figure things out. i thought of all the many Christmas mornings, all the Birthday parties, the bed time stories, the times when he would just hug me for no reason. he will never, ever be the same. it's almost too much for a parent to grasp.

 

i cried for him. i cried for his mother. i cried for me. he is out there, now. i can never explain the hurt, and feeling of helplessness. he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son.

Reviews

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Sigh....

My son was born Autistic...
We found out when he was 3. He was starting to speak in small phrases, and
physically developing like any other toddler, but at about 18 mos he started to regress
and slowly lost what speech he had developed.....
We tried everything...every new program, etc...
They told us to put him in some state home or our lives would be ruined.
I got very angry and stopped asking for help and he is a blessing. I cry for him as well
because he cannot have a normal life, but he is a blessing...
he just had his 28th birthday.

My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I say as you do,
to the World...
be kind to our children

Lynda

[John A Common]

I really feel for you and your family. I suffer in a bad way myself so I can relate to your son. Madness is a hungry wolf that devours ones soul. I was lucky in a way. My mother was a very strong woman and she would not let me stay down. One thing she said to me when was a young man that still helps me is your sickness is not your fault but its not anyone elses fault either. I will pray for your family and for your sons recovery.

[Oxonian]

Excellent write Rain. Reflective pieces like this are so powerful that the brevity emphasizes the turmoil. In this piece you allow the reader to question their own fortune and how THEY would deal with a situation. I can't say more than I have never shared your experiences - yet I felt touched in a way that I rarely am.

Thanks for sharing.

[britty]

it was short but it got to the heart. and made me think that i need to do more with my life. what you wrote made me sad this was very powerful.

[[untitled]]

i am in tears reading this. Its so sad and tragic. You want to help but you can't because he won't let you but that is the nature of the illness. I feel so sad now that I have read this but honored that you would share this with all of us. I do hope that for all of you things get better soon and he comes home. Im so sorry but thank you for sharing that with all of us for letting us understand you a little bit more.

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Oh my heart goes out to you. I just can't fathom the pain that must tear at your very soul. There is no rhyme or reason why things like this happen. My husband and I lost a child to cancer, but to know your child is in pain and there is nothing you can do has to be so hard to bear. I will pray for your son.

A tear jerking piece.

[Phibby Venable]

this is heartbreak...their is no other word. my friend spent years dealing with this in the same way as your son. he is finally taking medication and doing really well. has been for 4yrs..so there is hope!

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I cry for you, for your son, for your wife. I thought of my daughter and how I would do anything to help her and how incredibly powerless I would feel if I were in your place. GOD I wish there was something that I could say that would bring you comfort or bring your son peace.

I will remember your words when I see a lost soul and do what I can to offer kindness. That is my promise.

[Nautili]

This piece is so honest, so vulnerable, so raw in emotion, that it is powerful. I am sorry for the pain........it is a very hard thing to go through. Perhaps in time he will take the necessary meds, I know people that have tried it without because of the side-effects, and eventually realize their need for them. Then it really can help stabilize them.I pray this is the case with your son. God bless and I will pray for him. And yes, I felt guilt, too. I have had 2 friends with the disease and I could not handle it, one when i was younger, one more recently. It is a lot to deal with. Actually I was afraid of the more recent one, since voices told her to do bad things. It can be scary for those who aren't equipped to handle the behavioral changes. I wanted to help both of them, but i got in over my head. mental illness is such a life-changing illness, it just seems like more could be done for those who suffer from it.

[Brenda Sue]

This piece brought tears to my eyes. My daughter is mentally handicapped and after her father died she started seeing things and hearing voices. It has been very hard, I had to take a strong hand and give her some tough-love at times but things are getting better.