He is My Son

I can't put into words how a parent feels when his child is diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

you may pass him. he is handsome, and his skin is darkened from hours of walking aimlessly in the afternoon sun. he is slim from lack of eating, and not having a set routine. he may have a distant stare, as if he is lost in thought. he once was the most popular kid in school. the phone rang constantly. he was funny, and fun to be around.

then the voices came when he was around nineteen, that was seven years ago. the doctors called it schizophrenia. he spent several years in places they called residence houses. his friends became lost souls whose faces were distorted from years of torment.

we tried so hard to help him, but he wouldn't take his medicine. for a while he had an apartment. he couldn't make it on his own.

 

he left our house several months ago. we had no contact of any kind with him. his mother cries every night. i saw him yesterday. he was sitting near our mail box, waiting to get his check from ssd. i begged him to come in, so he could contact his case worker. his voices have convinced him that i am responsible for his illness. i asked him what he has been doing. he said he walks. at night he sleeps in alleys and behind restaurants. i took him and bought him food, then helped him cash his check, which he had been forging my name to. i asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me i could let him out where we were. we were twenty some miles from our home. when i drove off i looked in the rear view mirror. i saw my boy walking. he told me he needed to figure things out. i thought of all the many Christmas mornings, all the Birthday parties, the bed time stories, the times when he would just hug me for no reason. he will never, ever be the same. it's almost too much for a parent to grasp.

 

i cried for him. i cried for his mother. i cried for me. he is out there, now. i can never explain the hurt, and feeling of helplessness. he is walking in a world he no-longer understands. he is so lost. please be kind to him. he is my son.

Reviews

[poet2angels (lynda)]

Sigh....

My son was born Autistic...
We found out when he was 3. He was starting to speak in small phrases, and
physically developing like any other toddler, but at about 18 mos he started to regress
and slowly lost what speech he had developed.....
We tried everything...every new program, etc...
They told us to put him in some state home or our lives would be ruined.
I got very angry and stopped asking for help and he is a blessing. I cry for him as well
because he cannot have a normal life, but he is a blessing...
he just had his 28th birthday.

My heart and prayers are with you my friend, and I say as you do,
to the World...
be kind to our children

Lynda

[poetic soul]

could any pain be more hurting than this! i wonder!
this is a very heart breaking write, rain!
it takes a lot of courage to pen down something like this!
thank you for sharing this...

[Ice QueenJen]

Oh Rain, its so sad that sometimes we don't know what to do. You have shown how to be kind, when all you want is to make it better. I have a nephew and a friends son, who are this way- lost. Its like they are in a maze inside their own minds with no way out. I love your writing, yet it makes me want to cry.

great write Rain!

[alyssa]

This writing shows so much emotion and really helps the reader understand the illness and the causes it dose. Thank u so much for sharing this sad peace and I hope he comes home, I'm praying for u and your family.

[alyssa]

This writing shows so much emotion and really helps the reader understand the illness and the causes it dose. Thank u so much for sharing this sad peace and I hope he comes home, I'm praying for u and your family.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

Touching and revealing, my heart goes out to you Rain and especially your son's mother. Please know that when both of you cry God cries too... courage!

[geraldine]

hi Rain , I'm back. oh, i couldn't help myself from crying. this is so sad. oh i really feel bad of what happen to him. Writing is such a good thing because like this, you can express your feelings and everything you feels in your writings so I think this is one way of relieving and expressing your emotions. just let it. i hope the boy will be okay.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Damned mental illnesses that take those we love away this is too much Rain and i cant stop crying ..
I will be kind ..
Chloe
xoxo

[Susan S.]

At first the lack of capitals was irritating, but by the time I'd read the piece I think I understood the reasons for it. It adds a tension to the story. I think it works here.

Hmmm. I'm known as a tough nut. We're supposed to be here reviewing each others work, correcting--critiquing. I just can't do it with this one. The picture you paint is too vivid. It's the "Sunday in the Park" of literature. George would be proud.

[Linda Waltenberger]

Beautifully written, from the heart. I think you have a wonderful gift for feeling and translating that into words. I almost want to say you can feel other people's pain but your writing almost makes me think you have experienced what you describe. A true writer. Thanks. Linda

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

I understand this well. My son is mentally ill and has spent his whole adult life locked up. As a parent we want the best for our children and we have so many hopes and dreams. When mental illness attacks it washes away our dreams we had for our children and replaces them with a new hope and dream, that our child finds peace with themselves. Prays.