I agree with David - you have a fantastic sense of rhythm, and you certainly know how to use it!
"there's an ocean of memories
i've gathered along the way
some of them i've forgotten
others linger on to make me pay"
This is a great metaphor, and it's something I can picture easily; memories are so hard to push to the back of your mind when they decide to come out, and you've captured this well.
get dressed...do my bestlive my life day to dayi think all i really know what i've learned more or lesstry to give more than you takei think it's just the
I have the same way of looking on life, just do what you can, day by day , dont rush , there is time for everything, just try to smile, and love what you do , live in peace, especially with you!
Thank you so much for the request , be strong as always , keep smiling my friend Yossi
I get a blues atmosphere from this piece. You don't have to worry about the improper English because instead of looking at it from just the standpoint of it being a poem, the speaker is a character within a realm of distressing past lessons and positive realization. I thin that toward the beginning, a few of the lines become a little laborious because the meter does not stay consistent and so the reader may stumble through it. However, it does follow a rhythme and repeats like a blues song would. As well versed in music as you are, I can only assue then that that was your intention. I think that smoothing out a couple of the earlier lines will make this feel even more like lyrics to a blues song. Not necessarily the commercialized blues, but the folk blues that originated from hardships instead of from a desire to make money off of music. There is a certain spiritual nature to this piece that cannot be ignored. One of the big themes of blues is the spiritual realm. The way you tie all these aspects together in one way is very well crafted. Kudos. -Kenji
This poem sounds like the musical back drop of my life. I've been through hell and back and sometimes I find myself asking daily what am I to do. I really like this and thanks for bringing this powerful piece to me. It is alo a motivation piece because I want to write a different poem than the life I am living right now. Thaks for all the help and support you are giving me. I truly appreciate and respect your skills and I like following your lead on what this site needs.
As a man who feels he's been through it all, I totally dig this. These are the kinds of thoughts that run through your mind when you're driving on the highway alone late at night, cigarette out of the window...
I can see this being an intro voice-over to a movie. I liked the vibe of this as well as the message. Nice piece here.
I am sorry I failed to leave a review on this before, I think I had just read it and something called me away from the computer. I love the common language in the piece, it gives it a sense of reality and everyday life. And it deals with everyday struggles that each and every one of us can surely relate to at one time or another. It is the things which we have and hold in common, after all, that are the ties that bind. They bind our friendships and our feelings of belonging in the brotherhood of man. And you, my friend, are an expert at tapping into those areas of the heart and mind. Great work.
So beautifully expressed, sounds like a lot of us....life isn't always an easy path, but the lessons learned along the way are pricless memories. Thanks, for asking me to read your write as I found it a pleasure to do so. Look forward to reading much more. Gypsy_Moon
I agree with David - you have a fantastic sense of rhythm, and you certainly know how to use it!
"there's an ocean of memories
i've gathered along the way
some of them i've forgotten
others linger on to make me pay"
This is a great metaphor, and it's something I can picture easily; memories are so hard to push to the back of your mind when they decide to come out, and you've captured this well.
i think all i really know
what i've learned more or less
try to give more than you take
i think it's just the way life be... i guess
so very true, Ray...what we did in life matters not sometimes, for us to move on no matter what is what is important. it is not so much the destination our lives have taken us on, but the journey on which we have traveled. sometimes we regret some of the things we have done or haven't done, but to live the best we can with what we have is always the only thing we can do.
a really true write you have here, Ray...written like always from your heart. nice job.
Rain, this would make a beautiful song, the flow, thoughts and feelings flood through, and I think
many of us feel this way, some days I feel so strong and others so weak, but we have much to feel blessed
for, and you have a great emotional insight to life.
"Having lived a bit has altered my thoughts of this coming new year from
all those that have come and gone. Life is so bizarre that in some ways, my diagnosis has been a blessing.
"I'm not sure why.. more..