The Attempted Kidnapping

There is no harder job than being a parent.

Jack leaned over from his huge comfortable chair and peered out the blinds. Little Jack Jr had not made it down to the street, yet. This was his big day. Dad was going to let him walk the two blocks to the school bus pickup, alone. He was seven, and it was time. Most of his friends walked about the same distance unaccompanied, and now it was Jack Jr's turn. Still, being the kind of father he was , he couldn't help but keep an eye out.

 

There's my, boy, Jack thought to himself, as he watched his son wait for the walk light. Jack Jr was his life. After his mother ran off, Jack Sr took on the role of everyone: mom, teacher, friend, protector. He watched Jr leap onto the curb, the heavy back pack almost making him lose his balance. Every year, he did just like his father did with him...just a little more trust, a little more personal responsibility. That's how it was done. Jack Jr was about halfway there, already. Out of the corner of his eye Jack noticed an old beat up white van slowly trailing his son, just a little ways behind. Jack sat up a little straighter, and pulled the blinds all the way up. It was nothing, but an old beat up white van, Jesus, how many times had he heard that on "Cops" or " America's most Wanted , he thought. Just then he saw Jack Jr stop, at the same time the van stopped.

 

Omigod, He was talking to him! What did I tell you, Jack..NEVER talk to a stranger , especially one in a car ? Jack didn't have enough time to run downstairs, All he could do was watch. Thoughts screamed through his mind, as he quickly pulled his jeans on, never once taking his eyes off the van.

Then, like a miracle, he saw Jack Jr take off running back to their apartment.

 YES!! Good going, Son, just like dad taught you!

Jack watched as his son ran with all his heart towards home. He also watched the van speed away. He tried to get a license plate number , but it was too late.

" Dad, that man wanted me to help find his dog, he heard his son yell from down the street. Jack flew down the steps of his second floor apartment, his heart pounding with joy. Jack Jr had left his bag, and his little legs were still pumping when Jack reached the bottom of the steps.

" Jackie you did perfect, son", Jack Sr yelled, as he saw his son dash between two parked cars.

 " JR, WATCH WHER........"

The impact was shattering. Jack watched as his son's limp body was catapulted like a rag doll, spinning at least a half dozen times before it slammed against the parked bakery truck.

 

He wept uncontrollably as he held his son's limp and lifeless body...the sounds of sirens coming far in the distance. There are so many lessons a parent must instill in their children...sometimes, in the end, just too many...too damn many.

 

 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Damn, Rain

[welcome back by the way]

This is so believable, and gripping because of it. You've written it so well, that we really feel the father's tension throughout and then his pain as one near-miss transforms into tragedy.
The lesson we take from this is a harsh but important one. All the protection in the world doesn't equate a guarantee, so it's better to allow gradual freedom and responsibility, so that at least there will be enjoyment and growth along the way, as opposed to resentment and cotton-wool-kids.

"After his mother ran off, he took on the roll of everyone" [roll = role]
[maybe say 'Jack Sr took on the role', as both Jacks are mentioned in this sentence?]
"lessons a parent must instill in their children" [instil]

Thanks for sharing this with us Rain.
Excellent write.

[Papillion]

What a shocker Rain, just when you led us to believe all was good. You bad man! :)

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

It was a little confusing for me with the number of "Jack"s throughout the story, and noticed a few typos here and there. Other than that, this was a great well written story with a message to parents to be more careful with their children. I've come to know a couple of parents that have lost children in some way, its not a bouquet of roses thats for sure.


Great Write.

Should be all better now. =)

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Oh my god, now you have to make me stop crying! This is horrific to read as a parent of a young son - they never seem to watch where they are going no matter how many times you tell them so. The scenes are laid out perfectly and I could feel every inch of pain, turmoil and struggle of both the father and the son. This is such a tremendous piece - it is heartwrenching - now who will dry my eyes. Thank you for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

I see you paid attention when I taught punctuation class. ;-) Nicely done--only a couple of corrections:
--Jack Sr took on the role of everyone; mom, teacher; friend; protector. There should be a colon (not a semi-colon) after the word "everyone"--the colon indicates a list coming. It's OK to use just commas instead of semi-colons in the list because the list is only single words. If you had phrases with commas, then you would use the semi-colons. Your sentence should look like this: Jack Sr took on the role of everyone: mom, teacher, friend, protector.
--Remember: no space between the quotation marks and the text, and keep the punctuation of the dialogue inside the closing quotes, such as: " Jackie, you did perfect, son," Jack Sr yelled... ;-)

You're following my teaching well. I'm proud of you!

As far as the story, seriously disturbed, just the way I like it. hehe And it's true--so many things you have to instill in your children, and just when you think you've hammered them all in...there's one that rears its ugly head that you never thought to cover or thought was already covered ad nauseum or thought was plain common sense. Kids...

[Angel Bird]

I need an other kerchief.
Sad sad sad!!! (I hope this isn't a true story, if yes don't tell me)

The whole time you hold us on our toes, and the moment we begin to relax - there comes the bad low blow!
I'm crushed! Badly!
.....

This is the stuff books are made of! You're so full of potential - and I can feel that there's much more to come ...

Even if I don't like such sad stories I have to admit this one is splendidly done. Kudos!

[Jayne Ann Saporito]

Rain, omg what are the chances? I mean, that the child would escape kidnappers and then be killed by a car. It is too much grief. Hard to read for a mother. I cried at the end. What a horrible thing. As usual, I couldn't stop reading, you have great talent for holding the reader's interest! Thanks for sharing, Rain.

[Jane Doe]

This story gave me goosebumps. It has such a powerful message. There are so many dangers out there that we have to teach our children about, so much they have to learn to stay safe. I love the twist at the end, I could almost feel the impact of the truck and the pain of the father as he raced out to gather his dead son in his arms. Wonderful write!

[Polly Lewis]

This was a difficult yet gripping read Rain. Because of the title you always knew something bad was gonna happen, but you were never sure what. I liked to description and the general feel, it kept me hooked from beginning to end.

A really solid piece my friend.

[Gary H]

Great story. Every part of this is so carefully thought out - maybe not consciously, but certainly how this is put across. Would be a perfect magazine read and I hope you will be sending this out in an attempt to get more people to read. Has a final message that crucially should not be overlooked by anyone......

[M. Amphet Salt]

Wow, this is a short that touches the mind mentally and emotionally. It is fanastic in a sense that this is something that I have been going over with my son for two days now, "DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS, PERIOD".

On a professional level, it has great structure, and inflicts emotion within the reader. I let my wife read as well.... Good JOB!