GOD said, WHAT ?

One of my conversations with God.

 

 

 

GOD said, WHAT?? A Story by Rain

..

" I'm trying to talk with God, and he sends me this mist like figure ? I suppose I'm supposed to talk with you,? I asked, frustrated.

"He said He's tired of messing with you", the voice said.

"Tired of messing with me? He's God, I shouted. That's what Gods are supposed to do."
"And where does he get off calling it , Messing with me?"

"Look, I'm just telling you what HE said." The voice spoke.

"HE said the word "Messing?" I asked

"That's what HE said. HE said you were getting on his nerves,and that HE had more important things to deal with", the voice said,sounding disinterested.

I lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, then said in an angry voice.
"Oh, so just because HE'S God, HE can just pick and choose who HE talks to?"

"That appears to be how HE sees it", the voice said casually.

" Well,I think it's crap." HE created us, HE gave us all these damn unanswerable questions, and then when you demand to know why, HE can just say HE doesn't feel like messing with you!  "That's some God," I said, as I flipped my cigarette towards the heavens.
"Well, tell God....." the voice stopped me.

"I" don't TELL God anything. I only pass on what you say."

"I thought God was supposed to know everything. Why do you even have to be here?" I said,knowing he had no answer.

The voice seemed to giggle.

"What's so funny," I asked.

"God just said you were dumber than a dinosaur", then the voice busted out laughing.

Angry, I picked up a rock and tossed it into the sky.
"Tell God......Ooops, relay to God that HE made me, so if I'm dumb, HE'S the one to blame," I said, feeling I got my shot in.

The voice was silent.

"What's the matter God, stumped?" I grinned.

Finally, the voice spoke. " Sorry,God was busy trying to re-arrange this black hole to a better location."

"What?" He's got one of his children here, and He's playing with a black hole? What about my question? If I'm dumb, HE made me this way!"

The voice, which came from this odd shaped mist, spoke...

"God said for me to try and shoo you away."

"NO, I shouted. I think I deserve to know." If HE wants me to know all these things, why didn't HE  make me smarter? Just ask him that, and say... Please."

The odd shaped mist seemed to draw a bit closer, as if he was going to whisper something, then withdrew. Then he spoke... 
"God said for me to keep this simple, as it was obvious you had a limited comprehension level."

"Well, yippie, tell him I appreciate HIM  finally answering a simple question."

"God said you were born brilliant, with the wisdom and comprehension of your creator. As a child you possessed all the knowledge HE  had intended you to have, more wisdom than you would ever need."

"Ok, then what the hell happened?" I asked, hoping GOD had forgotten  about the black hole and was focusing on me.

God says that man left the childlike wisdom, and began to believe he could dissect His gift of life. They wrote books and gathered in small intellectual groups; they developed complex theories to His simplest mysteries, they wrote and challenged, until at last, the true wisdom they had, gave way to false philosophies, and gave birth to fake scholars.Wisdom became something people would try to teach, till the world became filled with those who thought they knew His gift, who knew Him.
I could tell the voice was not quite done.
God told me to tell you to beware of people who say they know,and keep their knowledge on shelves that can't be reached. The voice was done.

"That's it?" I asked, not sure I totally understood.

"There was one other thing, but I think you might want to stop here," the voice said, politely.

"Hey," I said in a stern voice, if GOD said something else, I want to know."

The voice hesitated a minute,then said, " Ok."
"God said he had a plaque waiting for you."

"NO WAY!!! I excitedly shouted, What does it say ?"
"Child with the most dumb questions." He laughed,

"Oh, that's cute God.."That's really cute."

© 2007 Rain

 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I really liked the concept of this and the technique you used to deliver it to us.
Any chance this messenger left a contact number? haha

No straight answers, huh? Figures.
Glad he didn't drop the black hole on your narrator though...could have been worse.

Thanks for sharing this Rain. Amusing and thoughtful read.

[Gary H]

Well, thats kinda strange as I didn't think the story was meant to be humourous. I was thinking you had a moral point that you wanted to bring and that I thought that came across well at the end - sometimes the saviour doesn't have all the answers.

[M_S_Lay]

this was OUTSTANDING! I laughed all the way throught it, but it still ad a lesson to teach. It was the type of story that I would expect from ym favorite preacher, Jesse Duplantis.
Bravo. Well Done

[M. Amphet Salt]

This was a very funny and delightful read. I liked how you used the the two characters as you did. The theme was great also. I am doing a novella that does the exact opposite. I found a typo, so you know in this paragraph,

" Well,I think it's crap." HE created us, HE gave us all these damn unanswerable questions, and then when you demand to know why, HE can just say HE doesn't feel like messing with you! "That's some God," I said,as I flipped my cigarette towards the heavens.

Is the guy is talking through the whole dialouge, right? And the as just need a space after the comma.

Good Job Rain, this is going in the favorites!!!

[John Stussy]

hahahahaha!!!! superb ending to a mildly philosophical read Ray. poor guy! so many questions and then finding out that he gets the plaque. ah well, at least God has a sense of humor. :)

[V. K. Harris]

Simple is best I guess, man needs to rethink, lets get together and rethink this whole thing out. Oh we're not suposed to. I like the way this makes me think even though its not the right thing to do...Something like that. Ive talked to God many times, but if I ever heard his voice it would scare the hell out of me, which is what I need done....just tell me to shut up... Excellent write brother.

[jenbem]

We are all dumb.
trying to put 'God' and 'spirituality' in these nice little boxes with definitions labeling the front.
I think this is hilarious and lighthearted without being kitchy and preachy.
I love the idea of God having a great sense of humor.

one suggestion, consider putting a description of the 'grey mist' the speaker is talking to earlier in the story. I was confused when I got to the part about it drawing closer because up until them I thought the speaker was simply talking to himself kinda. But, after finishing the story I don't think that it is idea you were really going for because talking to himself can lead to a lot of other readings of this. Just a thought to make it flow a bit smoother.

I'm always impressed. and this subjest matter is just perfect.
hearts.

[Jet Lag]

funny! i won't even get into the spiritual undertones. we're all trying to jump toward heaven when we're placed on exactly what we need to get there and we kill it. thanks for a great humourous story about the ultimate theme. you are a storytelling genius.

[Brenda Sue]

I love the humor in this, people forget that God has a sense of humor. I am glad you added it here to remind us. Wonderfully penned. Great job.

[George Love]

Very good stuff. A great way to start off my week!