I am a bootleg writer

For one day I was treated like a "real" writer. I was a phoney, but a fun phoney.

   

I confess to being a phoney. I am a bootleg writer. For those old enough to remember,I'm like 3.2 beer. That's was the alcohol content back when they let 18 yr olds drink. In other words,I'm not the "real" thing.

But,I have people who believe in me. Claudia is one of those persons. She was a comedy writer in LA. She wrote for many of the top comedy shows,including "Facts of Life" and "Married with Children."

 

She also had written plays for off Broadway. She had many connections. Ten minutes with her and you understood why she was a sought after comedy writer. She was just naturally funny. I met Claudia on a John Hopkins cancer board. She would write me constantly,telling me that I should try getting something published. This was all based on  posts I'd write to encourage dying cancer patients...not exactly how you'd want to start a writing career.

 

Most times my posts had nothing to do with cancer. I would write pieces about life in general. Somehow these writings gave me a reputation for touching other people's lives. I was known as "Rainmaker." I once had to enter the hospital for treatment. I received over 50 cards and letters from people from all over the world. Something I wrote touched total strangers. It was a mystery to me.

 

Claudia was good friends with a guy named Evan Marshall, a big time NY literary agent. He wrote many books,including "Jane Stuart" and "Winky" mysteries. Mr Marshall was a literary agent. He helped aspiring writers learn how to get published. He has written many books on how to write novels and everything connected with getting your works published.

 

He was flying in from NY for a book signing at Joseph Beth Books and Claudia wanted me to meet him. He spent the night at her house and she mentioned my name to him. She said she just wanted him to meet me and help me with some advice. I took the whole encounter as a chance to play writer. I knew I wasn't a writer,plus I had a terminal cancer...no time for novels here.

 

I dressed in all black,wearing my purple tinted sunglasses. Not trying to be conceited here, but I looked like how I think a writer should look like.

Saturday I showed up at Joseph Beth's Bookstore to meet Claudia's friend, Evan Marshall. He was incredible. First of all, they had a whole display of his books setup when I arrived. I'm already impressed. I was dressed in my festive all black,and was feeling ever so bohemian.

 

I bought his latest book and sat down in front. I tried my best to look like a writer. I was amazed at how many people showed up. Most were writers,and most had already completed their novels. Some were on the 2nd and 3rd novel. When Mr Marshall ended his 45 minute lecture on publishing and writing he had a question and answer period.

 Everyone was asking questions like 'When I fill out my query to the publisher...should I.....' Or..'My novel contains romantic mystery...what is the market view on such a piece?' I was feeling kind of helpless. I had no questions to ask.

There was always "Hi, Mr Marshall..if you could be a tree....... I thought better of it. I felt like I looked like a writer and didn't want to expose myself for what I really was, a poster on a pancreatic cancer message board. God, how lame. Then, something very cool happened. A guy sitting behind me told Evan he was writing a novel based on his life's experience.

Mr Marshall interrupted him and asked..'Are you,Ray?'

The man said no,and then Evan said that a very good friend of his had told him about a talented writer named Ray who would be showing up at his lecture.

 

Then he asked if Ray was here. I cooly raised my finger...looking ever so distant and deep. In front of all these real writers he said,"Could you stick around so I can talk with you?" He asked. I could feel an almost instant, although undeserved, respect from the "real" writers that surrounded me. Who was this guy ? Was he the next Thomas Wolfe ? What did he write ? Was he a novelist ? I loved every phoney moment of it.

 

When Evan was done all the writers swarmed him. I just stood up and mingled with the crowd. Everyone smiled at me. Thank God no-one asked any questions. I was content to be a bootleg writer. When everyone had filtered out, Evan packed up his stuff and motioned for me to come with him outside. His first question was

"Do you have anything completed?"

"You know I have a great deal of confidence in Claudia's eye for talent."

 

Ok..now the mask had to come off.

"No sir" I replied. "I have tons of almost completed works, but I can't just sit down and write when I'm not in the mood."

We talked for about 15 minutes and his advice was simple.

"Complete something."

"You have to write..write..write." He was incredibly approachable. We talked about lots of things, but mostly he impressed upon me that I "had" to write and complete my works. He gave me his personal email, and his card, with his telephone. People think that if you have power and wealth, you somehow had to be cold blooded and greedy to get there. Evan destroys that myth. He was a guy who worked hard for what he got, and gave back when he could. When it came time for him to go, we shook hands...He wished me luck, then walked toward his car. He stopped about half way to his car, and looked back.

 

" Claudia and I always stay in contact, so let me know if you come up with some thing. " He said, as he waved and got in his car.

 

 I stood there smiling. I pulled it off. Who knows how life unfolds. I still have his email. But,for me...for that day...I was a writer. I was counterfeit and bootleg, but at least I looked like a writer. When you have low expectations, sometimes knowing you "could be" is enough. It was for me, on that one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

Not bootleg in my opinion. You have a knack for telling a tale, even a short one like this, in a way that is honest and engrossing. Do finish something, even if it is a collection of short stories. There are writers and people who think they are writers, and I'd put you in the former.

[Brenda Sue]

You are definitely a writer. This is wonderfully penned. I love it.

[Gary H]

Thats an incredibly well written story. Funnily enough this is a blueprint for the work we are doing at writing class at the moment - we are covering magazine short stories. This covers all the elements, the perfect opening line - the perfect ending, the colours ( OK, black), the build up and the surprise of hearing your name called.
This was just a random choice but for me the perfect inspiration. Great work!