Angel II

Revised from Angel Villanelle which had one too many tercets ( a shame I cannot count)

 

There is an angel in the garden

White marble eyes do not slumber

Here in this place- a world of Eden

 

Shadows across her face deepen

A fitting space to sit and ponder

There is an angel in the garden

 

Illusion of pulse comes unbidden

The world around shines with wonder

Here in this place- a world of Eden

 

The girl dreams of wings hidden

Opening wide to soar high yonder

There is an angel in the garden

  

The bonds of earth are unbroken

Among the stars not free to wander

Here in this place-a world of Eden

 

An angel feather lightly descends

Landing on the snow in winter

There is an angel in the garden

Here in this place- a world of Eden.

Author's Note

Thank you to Micheal for pointing out one of the errors in the first write. I have deleted a tercet but left in the slanting rhyme on this one. Any thoughts on clarity verbage are most welcome.

Reviews

[Anton Cancre]

I like the recurring lines, it brings a sense of cycles to the whole thing. Personally, I would rework the last stanza a bit to have it fit with the rest of the pattern (tercet, maybe bookended with the two recurring lines?). The change is jarring and threw me a bit out of the flow. Of course, this jarring aspect does draw extra attention to the stanza and there is a lot to say for confounding expectations.