Ugly, bitter hate chapter 3

I stopped seeing my psychiatrist a couple of months ago. People keep telling me I'll learn to forget and I should try and move on. How little they know. I will never forget, never. You will always be there, in my mind pushing me until I finally go.

You took so much from me. My life, my heart, my trust. You stripped me of my goodness. I am nothing but a body so full of grief and hatred it's turning me insane. Think of you is all I do now; sit in my huge house with misfortune and think of you. I love you. I loved you. I will always love you.

I drive up to the big whitewashed hospital sometimes and just stare at the windows as if I expect you to look out and see me. You should hold me in your arms like you used to and whisper my name. You would tell me it was some stupid mistake and it wasn't you. We would live in my huge house and have a family. We would be kind and I could learn to banish the hate that's bittering me...But I know you'll never come out of there. You stay like me in our huge buildings gradually losing our humanity.