Linked

 

 

 

    Wrapping his hands in Serene's hair, he threw her to the ground before her teeth sunk all the way in. She knew instantly what Sebastian was. The look on his flawless face backed up her guess. She quickly stood up, and backed away slowly.

 

   "You nasty beast!" he shouted crystal blue eyes flaring out at her. He was to outstanding to be human, and it's her fault for not recognizing that. She watched his hands and body language waiting for him to attack.

 

   "Nice complement, vampyr hunter," Serena hissed smiling openly showing him her pearly fangs. The look on his face was truly priceless! His majestic body circled hers, a concurring look played in his aquamarine eyes. He pulled off and threw his simple white t-shirt on the ground. He had perfect sculpted abs, which mesmerized her.

 

   Get yourself together, she thought to herself. She flipped her long coffee hair over her shoulders, and smiled making her toffee eyes glisten. It made her smile even bigger when she saw it agitate him. They circled each other many times, and then with a smirk Sebastian ran at her. He came at her swift and fast; punching left, right, and then picked up the speed with a round house. He was fast, but Serene being a vampire was faster. Brown hair flying around she spun and landed a perfect kick on his muscular chest. He gasped for air, but Sebastian wasn't giving in so easily. He dropped to the ground swinging around his leg tripping her. Serene fell to the ground with a thud and growled. Sebastian saw the chance and laid out on top of her trying to keep her still and down.

 

   "Get off of me before I rip your throat out!" Serene screamed wiggling under his weight, " now!"

 

   "We both know I can be just as ruthless as you. And since you were about to kill me about ten minutes ago I see no reason to show you mercy," he said a piercing gaze shooting right through her.

 

   "Oh I don't know," she whispered quickly pressing her lips against his. Feeling him let his guard down, she gathered all her strength and pushed him into the air.

 

   "Wanting someone you can never have is a waste," Serene told him, " and falling in love is like falling into the black abyss." With that last quote she fled into the dark forest.

 

    And like that she disappeared into the night.

 

 

   (The next morning)

 

 

   Waking face down on her ruby colored carpet wasn't her idea, at all. Her brown hair fell in tangles everywhere around her pale face. Her cloths from yesterday stuck to her dirty body like Elmer's glue. Her mouth tasted like silver and sweat from last night. Whether the kiss had been actually something to him, or just for fun Serene didn't know. Then again, why should she care?  He was going to kill her, and that's the only thing she could think of. It's not like she actually wanted to kiss that filthy creature!

 

   "I had too," she said to herself sternly.

 

   She walked into her bathroom and shed her cloths. Turning the water on hot she slipped into the shower; wishing to scrub last nights memory from her history. How could she have not noticed what he was before that. It meant he knew what she was the whole time! 

 

   That sorry b*****d! she thought to herself.

 

   Once she scrubbed herself down and washed her hair, she stepped out of the shower. After drying herself off she dressed and walked outside. Something kept telling her he's here, he's here!

 

   " Somehow my thoughts led me here," his voice muttered from behind her. Spinning around she came face to face with Sebastian.

 

   "What do you want?" Serene hissed backing away. The look in his gorgeous blue eyes told her he wasn't planning anything just yet. Yet, her instincts didn't see through his plan last night until the last minute.

 

   " We've become linked somehow."

Author's Note

I know it's short guys, but I tried. Picture is of park:)

Reviews

[Dan Fite, Jr.]

I enjoyed it, and I also think it's a nice twist making her lover a vampire hunter. However, I would go ahead and establish that vampire hunters exist earlier in the story. I'm sure that they are what killed Serene's mother, but at the same time you never stated it plainly and made it a known fact. Perhaps just a little mention of the two words in chapter one? Of course, you don't want to take away from suspense, so I wouldn't spend more than three sentences on it. However, I felt it was just thrown in there that he was a vampire hunter, just for the heck of it. I know he's got an important role in the story, but it almost makes it seem like twisting for the sake of twisting. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would briefly establish that vampire hunters exist in this world at some point before this, just to take away the "just for the heck of it" element that I got when I read it.

Other than that, this was excellent! I enjoyed it!

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks for that advice:)!!

[Prritiy]

Something kept telling her he's here, he's here!

" Somehow my thoughts led me here," his voice muttered from behind her. Spinning around she came face to face with Sebastian.

"What do you want?" Serene hissed backing away. The look in his gorgeous blue eyes told her he wasn't planning anything just yet. Yet, her instincts didn't see through his plan last night until the last minute.

" We've become linked somehow."

its wow, i like it. The chemistry is sizzling and going to give a volatile solution.

best wishes

[ms.seliz]

Another good chapter. I like the chemistry between Serene and Sebastian (even though they currently hate each other). I'm rooting for them to find a way to make things work, especially being linked and all (and let's just be honest, Serene and Sebastian just sound awesome together!)

I did notice a few mistakes, for example, "He was to (too) outstanding to be human, and it's (it was) her fault for not recognizing that." I only mentioned the it's to it was, because it sounded a bit off with it's in presence tense and the rest of her actions in past tense. If you really wanted to, you could even split up the sentence.

Lastly, there was "(The next morning)" part. I think your writing stands alone enough that you don't need this tag. If it was something you were really worried about the reader not getting, you could put something in the next paragraph; maybe looking at an alarm clock or phone, etc.

By the way, I only mention the few errors because that's something I'm trying to work on for my own projects. If it's something that you're not worried about now (first draft, etc) and want feedback on just the storyline so far, I'll stop with the grammar critiques and focus just on critiquing the storyline. Which by the way, is fantastic so far :)

[RainDancer1997]

It's ok and It's always helpful to me for anyone's advice:) Thanks for reading and commenting:)!

[Allison Lyndel]

AGH 100!!! I LOVE YOUR BOOK! I can't stop reading! I can't wait for the next chapter! I love seeing what you have to offer and I will not stop reading :)

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks so much:)!!!!

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks so much:)!!!!

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks so much:)!!!!

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks so much:)!!!!

[Dayran]

It reminds me of WWE wrestling ... wondering if grown men in tights rolling on top of each other has a cultural significance. I guess it may be a point of view.

Love is not necessarily a domination ... not if there is a volitional giving by one to another and taking turns to do so. We need a way to decide who's to start I guess. Nice write sweetie!

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks:)!!

[Rosaria_V]

Wow I love this!! Your so goof and I agree with Brian, I love some romance in my reads sometimes :) very well done love

[Brian Angeles]

This is nice a little romance a little back stabbing a little this and that and BOOM "We've become linked somehow."
This is good

[B-poet]

I like how you're building up the storyline towards a pivotal climax or ending within this story which ever you prefer to elaborate on. Great work. An entertaining & enjoyable read. :)

[MandaBear]

Oh I cant wait to find out what happens next!!

[Angel]

Well done. You're getting better at the mechanics, too.
You are going to be a powerful writer.

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks so much:)!