Clearer than before

 

 

                    We'll be flirting with freezing each morning into early next week- Daniel Huckaby          

 

 

     Another night flew by Michelle's eyes. She went to sleep shortly after her brother confessed their mothers true feelings. Though that was their mothers feelings not the rest of the family's also. Part of her heart was empty still. She walked into her bathroom, and took a quick shower. Now on top of all her feelings a slayer is threatening close to her family! She threw on a pair of black tights, a big red t-shirt, and her converses. Throwing her velvet hair into a messy bun, she quickly applied her make up.

 

   "Bus is waiting for you," Kevin told Michelle walking into her room. The little blond headed boi didn't even bother to knock anymore. She ignored his lack of manners and rushed out to the yellow cheese wagon. Something is missing in her life right now, but she just doesn't know what? And it is bothering her immensely! Michelle pressed her face to the bus window and looked up at the rumbling storm clouds. It's funny how when you feel incomplete petty things start to stand out. The heavens look angry right now. She lifted her face from the window, and her reflection stared back at her. Blue crystal eyes stood out among her fiery hair. Long black eye lashes, and a couple freckles were also present. Something is tugging at her heart. Something very important, something she needs to have.  The bus came to a halt at the schools big doors. Michelle got off and entered the school. Paintings she's never noticed before of knights and of past principles hung on the walls. Of course there mascot is a knight also. Anything stood out among the gray blocks. Why has she never noticed any of these things before? She felt more aware of everything around her now.

 

   "Why are you staring at the walls?" Spencer questioned walking up beside her. She looked over at him and smiled.

 

 Things about him stood out more clearly now. She felt like she could drown looking into his sea green eyes. His face is so pure and he looks like an angel. Though Michelle knows him better than to confuse him as that. She noticed a layer of muscle covering his body, and he seems even more taller!

 

   "Because I want to," she winked walking over to her locker.

  

   "I see that new attitude of yours hasn't broke yet," he smiled leaning against the locker next to hers.

 

   "Hey Spencer," Carry's friend Olive smiled walking up next to him. Olive is your ordinary girl with brown hair, brown eyes and one hec of a snotty attitude. And now Michelle couldn't stand her! She hung on to Spencer's arm and smiled while she invited him to her house to study tonight. Michelle's sure that's what she wanted to do with him, study. If that wasn't a bunch of bull, she doesn't know what is!

 

   "Actually I have to study with Michelle, sorry," he told her taking his arm back. Olive glared her plain brown eyes at Michelle and walked away.

 

   "Why did you lie?" Michelle asked walking to her first block. He stopped her and stood in front of her.

 

   "Because I've got another girl stuck in my mind. She's playing hard to get, but I'm not giving up," he smiled leaning in and kissing her cheek.

 

   "Don't do that!" she snapped blushing red hot. He laughed pulling on a piece of her red hair. Why does he keep on doing that?!

 

   "See you after class Fire Ball," he laughed winking at her. Michelle was so embarrassed over a kiss on the cheek. Why'd he have to do that to her. In front of everyone! She huffed and walked into class. Anika was already there with a big smile on her face. Wait wasn't she suppose to be at home? The fight yesterday that did happen right?

 

   "Hey Michelle!" she smiled blue eyes glistening against her tan complexion. Michelle noticed more about Anika to. Full pink

 

 lips were placed on her face. Also a straight perfect nose stood out to now. She was quiet beautiful in her own way.

 

   "Aren't you suppose to be at home?" Michelle asked her sitting down in front of her.

 

   "The principle isn't to fond of Carry and let me practically off with a warning," she smiled obviously happy.

 

   "Aren't you a lucky girl," Michelle smiled along with her.

 

   "I seen the hallway affection," she winked. Michelle's face reddened instantly!

 

    *Flashback*

 

 "A slayers been sited here in Wasteville."

 

  "A girl that's all we know."

 

    *Ends*

 

 

 

"Michelle, what's wrong?" Anika asked with a worried expression written across her face.

  

 

 

Author's Note

That's Spencer, he's perfect except this guys has blue eyes instead of green:(

Reviews

[Prritiy]

good goin on. liked em all till now.
nice narrative,

and Oh! does the end ring the bell in Michelle's head- "A slayers been sited here in Wasteville."
"A girl that's all we know."

and yes the pic of the characters why don't you add it along the chapter it will be bigger and clearer, you can still edit and add to all the chapters. :) I would love to see them bigger and i guess others too will :)

I am really liking the story.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the chapter. Some family interaction and I like her new attitude at school. I like the open ending. Left some mystery and question for the next chapter. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
I had to look that term up, Boi. Was pretty sure it wasn't a misspelling as the "i" was nowhere near the "y." And - I learned a new term today. I guess I'd be a birl. :)

I like this description you've given:
"Blue crystal eyes stood out among her fiery hair. Long black eye lashes, and a couple freckles were also present."

You've got some unusual tabulation that reminds me of copying from Notepad with word-wrap turned on. When copying from Notepad, turn off word-wrap, otherwise you get this:

invited him to her house to study tonight. Michelle's sure that's what she wanted to do with him, study. If that wasn't a bunch

of bull, she doesn't know what is!

If you are wanting to have double-space for your lines without having to manually enter them in each time to avoid this, you can do it via HTML coding. If you like, I'll cover that in tomorrow's HTML tutorial.

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks:) sorry haha just got back to internet:)

[dw817]

I login or try to every day here. There's quite a bit to read and comment on. Welcome back. :7

[RainDancer1997]

I do to but my dad has no internet. and thanks:)

[dw817]

How - are you doing the Internet today then ?

[RainDancer1997]

Pretty goo bout to add another chapter to this novel I added another yesterday lol.

[dw817]

Nono, I mean how are you accessing the Internet if your Dad does not have it ?

[RainDancer1997]

Im back at my moms now

[dw817]

Oh, well. I guess I have to ask if it's okay, why doesn't your Dad have the Internet ? I have a T3 here, it's not that expensive per month ?

I know I would go a little stir-crazy if I couldn't have the Internet. I decided long ago I would either watch TV or work on the Internet but not BOTH. I gave up TV many years ago. There is not one TV in my house except for one I use as a security camera for my premises. That's it.

[RainDancer1997]

Yeah but my dad watches tv he doesn't use internet, and he disabled. He can't work so things are pretty rough

[dw817]

Ohh. I go to visit Chris sometimes and he watches TV and - well, I asked myself years ago. What does TV offer ?

Shows that appear at particular times. OK, what does cable TV offer ? Also shows that appear at particular times, perhaps a wider selection.

Hm ... So then I said what about shows I can find on the Internet ? Anytime I want and (now) the ability to download anything I see so I don't even have to use my ISP to watch it again later.

You add to that unlimited streaming music, blogs, Online and Flash games, and the ability to interact with others in writing or chat and - well - the Internet rocks !

That to me will always be the reason Internet will be more powerful than television. :)

As for finances, if he does have a computer but not an Internet connection, you could always download shows and stuff for him when you visit your Mom and burn them on DVD. Chris has me downloading stuff for him all the time that doesn't appear on Cable, the most recent being a weird British reality series called, "Solitary."

[RainDancer1997]

I doubt he'd give up his huge flat screen haha

[dw817]

Yah hard to compete against that I guess. Me ? I have this ancient computer monitor, about the size of a little icebox and twice as heavy filled. Paid $4 for it and gives me a crystal-clear picture 3-hand spans across but I also sit one foot from it as it's raised on a pedestal where I can slide my keyboard underneath it. I might have to take a picture of that sometime.

[RainDancer1997]

Yeah prolly should

[Angel]

So, is Michelle beginning to understand that the slayer is Anika, her new friend?
Her Mom loves her...well, of course she does, but it's good that Michelle knows it, and that she is beginning to understand her little brother, too.
And Spencer...

Yeah, keep it comin'!!

[RainDancer1997]

I'm very glad you like it:) Idk if Anika is the slayer or not. I'm kinda picking and trying to make it twisted as possible:)!

[Pam]

It's so mysterious how she all of a sudden notices every little detail. I still like how things are between her and Spencer

[RainDancer1997]

I'm glad you like it:)

[Sharon Kim]

Good job, RainDancer. This chapter nicely moved Michelle and Spencer's relationship along without rushing it. You have great descriptions in your opening paragraphs.

If you're like me, as you're writing, or sometimes even before you can get the words down, you play out the scene in your mind, kind of like a movie. Sometimes, okay, for me, often times, it's hard to get that scene to translate into writing so your reader sees it the way that you do. I feel that's maybe what happened at the end with the flashback. From the flashback, the way I read it is that Michelle is starting to think the slayer is Anika. Maybe so you don't have to say the words flashback you could say something like:

As Michelle's face reddened, her mind went blank (or something else here) and she could hear her mother's words. Then you could put the words about the slayer in italics. You could switch back to your regular font when Anika speaks to Michelle at the end.

[Please know that these are only ideas and suggestions!! :)]

The head of the school that you are talking about is the principal (think of the principal as your pal or friend)
the other principle is a rule or belief about a person's behavior.

Keep going, you're doing great! I look forward to your next chapter.

[RainDancer1997]

Oh no I love hearing any suggestion or advice you give me!:) It helps me grow as a writer:) And yes I often think about the events before I write them down:)

[Christopher Angel]

I think you write very well but you really should read your work a few times before you publish it to check for things you may have missed.

For example, you spelled boy as boi here.. "Bus is waiting for you," Kevin told Michelle walking into her room. The little blond headed boi didn't even bother to knock anymore.'

Also, the way the story is formatted is a little hard to read. More white spaces! :D Use more paragraphs and keep the lines straight and clean.

I liked reading it and I thought some of your descriptions were really good. Dialogue too was good but sometimes, there can be too much talking. Also, there seem to be many characters in every chapter which makes it hard to follow or relate to a few.

My advice would be to pick 2-3 characters and develop them. It will help with the story telling because then people will have had the time to get to know them. Avoid introducing new characters just to get the story moving because it'll distract greatly from your narrative and overall plot which I felt was moving along but then kinda stalled with the talking.

But at the end you got into something juicy again. 'A slayers been sited in Wasteville,'

Grammatically, it should read, ' A slayer's been sighted in Wasteville'.

But that was intriguing. Now I want to know what happens next!

I hope you don't think I think you're bad - I do not! I think you're more than decent and have some great ideas and prose. Just have to iron out the issues, keep the layout and narrative consistent, draw focus to a few things and delve into the plot.

I have a very short attention span but I've read all your chapters so that must say something about how much I like reading your work! :)

[RainDancer1997]

I really appreciate your advice! It helps me grow:) And I'm glad you like it I like yours to:)