My Life

             

 

         The beginning is the most important part of work- Plato

 

 

     Ever since the day of Michelle's birth there has always been something mystical surrounding her. Of course there is a strange difference between Michelle and her family. Her family roams the night, while Michelle walks in the sun. In other words, Michelle is human and her family is something entirely different. Her family scares mankind, they're vampires. Something happened during Michelle's time in her mothers' womb; something that has made her a total outcast from the beginning. She does have other brothers and a sister, though they are normal. In there nature humans are the weird ones with there ageing skin, and sweaty pores. Michelle can see the depression in her parents eyes when they stop and look at her. In their eyes she is the monster.

 

    The sun blasted through her window waking her up for school. Michelle happened to be the only one in her family who goes to public school. It happens to be the only time she even walks outside. It's the only time she even feels alive. after taking a quick shower to clean her up and clear her mind she through on some cloths. Looking in the mirror she frowned. Her scarlet red hair was wild and curly, which looked out right awful to her. She had orange feckless on her face here and there. Huffing she straightened her new black sundress. Turning around she spotted her mother walking into her room.  

 

 

   "I was making sure you were up," her mom smiled. Though Michelle could see disappointment clearly in her eyes.

 

 

   "Well I'm up," she smiled back. Her mom kissed her forehead before leaving her room. 

   "The bus is here!" she heard her dad yell from the kitchen. Grabbing a water from the counter she raced outside to the bus.This was practically her everyday routine. Being a junior at Wasteville high school meant she only had this routine for no more than a year and a half. What would she do once the time came to flee the nest? What would happen if she got married? What if she had kids and one turned out to be a vampire? There is so much she wouldn't know how to handle. How would she explain to her mate that her family was descendants of Dracula? Gahhh... her life is just one big mess just waiting for the moment to swallow her whole.

 

 

   The bus pulled up at the catholic looking school. The front doors looked like stones blocking the entrance. And she imagined the preps inside were evil sprits pushing to break out. But no one here dared to leave school and disrespect Mr. Frank. He happens to be the strict principle with evil eyes. Something about him gave Michelle the shivers.

 

 

   "Hey Freak, how about getting off the bus," A preppy voice snapped pulling Michelle out of LaLa Land. She ended up eye to eye with the blond b***h from her own living hell. Carry thinks that everyone should bow down to her grace. Though, Michelle would rather loose an arm, or her life. Seriously! Michelle rolled her eyes and walked off the bus.

 

 

   As she walked into first block English, nearly four jocks almost knocked her down. Gosh she is small, but she is not invisible! However, they probably did it on purpose. Taking her seat in the back she almost tripped over all the frilly purses in the aisle. Most of them looked like Easter on a bag. Suddenly something flew by her face, missing her nose by half an inch. Anger flamed in her eyes, and she almost screamed. School sucked, but it was better than watching her family look at her with disappointment.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note for Reviewers	ex: ignore grammar problems, what do you think of the dialogue, etc. </body></html></body></html></body></html></body></html></body></html></body></html>

Author's Note

I know its short but I'm just trying to see if I should go on with it or not.

Reviews

[Vile]

As much as Im opposed to the whole vampire, werewolf, supernatural stuff (it's becoming an epidemic really) I do kinda like the idea behind it, a human birthed by vampires and such, its an interesting idea and a new spin on the vampire topic. So it's original, you have that going for you. As for the writing itself, hm, theirs some aspects I like about it, and some I don't. I like that it's a realistic point of view, though at the same time she seems a little whiney. I don't particularily care for whiney characters, it tends to get annoying. Other than that, I like the idea and I do believe you shoud continue with it. :D

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks for reading it I do believe its a bit whiney and I plan on making her a lot stronger in character:)

[Vile]

Good good, it's good to develope the character throughout the story.

[RainDancer1997]

Thanks dude:) lol I would read some of your stuff but apparently since im 16 I cant read your stuff since im not 18-_-

[Vile]

Is my stuff rated mature? I think ony one piece is rated that way. Try the poems.

[Vile]

Hm, it says I have my target audience as "Everyone" so idk why.

[RainDancer1997]

ill try lol I may be doing something wrong lol

[Vile]

Hm, maybe cause I swear in some of my work? Idk, thats silly :/

[RainDancer1997]

haha it says ur profile rated mature when ever I try to friend you or go to your writings lol...

[Vile]

Hm...thats odd. You shoulda lied about your age when joining :P lol

[RainDancer1997]

haha yeah bc that's what I think of when joining a writing site. lying about my age lol

[Vile]

well now you will, lesson learned lol.

[RainDancer1997]

hahaha yeah I guess so

[Wall of Words]

Unfortunately, whenever someone writes a story about vampires and such, it automatically brings up the idea of Twilight, The Vampire Diaries etc...
However, your twist to the whole vampire idea is ingenious and I love it. A human created by vampires? It's an amazing idea.. Genetically speaking, it's impossible, but it's a cool idea anyway.
The story does have a good number of grammatical and mechanical errors, but nothing note-worthy. A quick editing should fix them all up. :)
However, I do have a comment on your tenses. You are switching between present and past. One sentence you saying "Mr. Frank is..." and then the next sentence you wrote "Something about him gave."
is = present tense; gave = past tense. You need to choose one or the other....

It's a great start for the novel and I plan on read the next few chapters over the next few days. :)
Sylvia.

[RainDancer1997]

I'm glad you like it and thanks:) Thanks for the advice also I've also caught myself switching tenses:) Thanks for bringing that up:)!

[Prritiy]

Wow, nice start i loved it.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good opening chapter. You gave enough history and description of her life. Keeping it short could take from the story. I just read the George Martin series "Games of thrones." He taught me the important of description of location and people. Thank you for sharing the excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

[Silent Wolf]

Alright, so the fact that she's human catches my eye but I dislike how it's trying to go from her daily routine. It's kinda overused. But I have to agree with vile, she is whiny. I see a few grammar errors (I'm very picky about them and they distract me lol.) Other than that, good. :)

[Runswithflyingdolphins]

This is good. Its quite short but good.

[The Invisible Girl]

This sounds very interesting!! :) reading on! :)

[RainDancer1997]

Thank you so much:)

[The Invisible Girl]

You're welcome! :)

[Mizo4]

pretty cool i must say! it's got good groundings for a vampire novel. Keep going with thus hun and it could be an awesome vampire work. I really enjoyed reading it.

[ZombieStories]

I REALLY liked this, i found it really really good, you should defo carry on! :) thanks for reviewing mine

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Great work, the character in the poem is faced with daily pressure that might be trying to make her give up her dreams, while her family is depending on her to be the first one in her family to complete school.