applebees

this is a slice of my life and some of my thoughts about it.

I’m sitting at an applebees' bar

nine minutes to closing

waiting for my two nine ounce steak dinners

to go

 

the music plays

at the decibel of desperation.

as if the golden drinks on tap

aren’t enough to drown out

the mid week monotony shared

by strangers in search of saturday.

 

the minutes hang heavy as the music

switches from a club r & b hit

to an old comfortable country ballad.

 

a man to my left tells me something

and it isn’t until he repeats it during a lull

in the twang that I realize it’s a

question.

 

where did it go?

he slurs at me as if I’m the dalai lama

of mediocre restaurant bar enigmas.

 

he’s asking about the trivia games

that used to share the counter with

elbows that are always angled to support

a drink or two.

 

I tell him I don’t know,

the bartender is the prophet here

not i, anticipating a dozen prayers

with the grace of a ballerina.

 

she whirls with tip worthy cleavage and a sharp

ear, taking orders, filling mugs,

and telling me it’ll be 13 minutes till

my steaks are ready to go.

 

i feel like a foreigner in a world

where sports and radio number ones

carve out a place where some forgetfulness

can be found.

 

in a way it’s tempting me,

telling me to stay,

make friends with the other elbows

echoing the same prayer to

the altar that is a low neckline.

 

my food arrives and i leave,

my head clearing as i climb into

the cool interior of my car.

 

i realize as I drive home that i

am no different than the shadows

clinging to the wall of another sunset.

 

we are all just looking for some

sustenance.

Author's Note

it has been awhile since i've written anything new. this is a rough draft so i'm open for suggestions. the ending is close but still needs something. it comes off forced. hmmm.

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

you have a excellent creative knack for opening and fleshing out a scene of everydays that take on almost surreal nuances as they are filtered through the narrator's mind~ this is great poetic storytelling with subtle metaphors spicing the piece throughout~

[April Child]

where did it go?
he slurs at me as if I’m the dalai lama
of mediocre restaurant bar enigmas

Congratulations and welcome back! Love this piece, made me laugh out loud. I was right there in that mediocre restaurant bar with you. Turn around, go back in, lets stay awhile! We don't have to make friends with the other elbows, we can just observe :)

[JelliFyshKissUs]

I am usually not one for critiquing or suggesting anything. Hard to do when it comes to creative writing. It just seems so... pompous of me. But for you, I will only say that I'd tweak the first two stanzas. I'm sitting at an applebees and I'm sitting at a bar sound a bit redundant to me. The two thoughts can easily be meshed together. For instance:

I'm sitting at the bar in applebees nine minutes to closing
waiting for my two nine ounce steak dinners to go

the minutes hang heavy, music playing
at the decibel of desperation
as if the golden drinks on tap
aren't enough to drown... (blah, blah; i'm lazy).

the song switches from r&b
to an old country ballad
just as a man to my left tells me something
and it isn't until he repeats during a lull...(blah, blah)
....question.

As far as the ending. I found it superb. It summed up the judgmental, irritated vibe of the story quite nicely... inevitably coming to realize we are no better than they. Sometimes what we think is forced, others simply think is brilliant.
Thank you... for writing again. (though I know I need to dig into your archives and read your older work. shame on me.) I'll do better. Promise.

[_mal]

It doesn't come off forced, I like the end. Ties it up nicely. I love your tone throughout

[Emily B]

are those lines supposed to repeat? error pasting or stunning poetic device?