origami

i felt creative so i just started writing and this is the result. very rough draft. i think this came out of some difficult times both in my own life and in the lives of people close to me.

 

 

we are origami dreams.

folded reality;

the creases of worry lines

and sharp bends

around unforeseen corners,

shape our subconscious selves.

 

the crack and press of

god- sized fingers

on our souls

like a chiropractic’s skill,

straightening spines.

 

we hurt as we

learn how to stand

as our awkward angles

are artfully arranged.

 

in the end though,

our cracks and bent bits

become something beautiful.

 

our paper hearts

take flight.

Author's Note

remember, rough draft. be kind but honest. lol.

Reviews

[.]

. my goodness ... i still remember how someone had come from japan when i was in the fourth grade ... for an origami workshop ... but you took it to a whole new level ... i think origami artists would be overwhelmed to read this ... i am but a human ... what a brilliant poem this is ... yet, my favourite lines are ...

in the end though,

our cracks and bent bits

become something beautiful.



our paper hearts

take flight.

. so true ... and so beautifully said ... (and i loved the alliteration) ...

[Ms. Gruye]

i really enjoyed the concept of this piece, hold the folds of life leave marks upon us, etc. Though I found the metaphor a little to literal. Might I suggest making this about a character...I think it would be great fun to focus on a particular person and describe them to the reader through their folds and creases.

Thanks for sharing.

[Miss Coral]

The flow is extremely broken up in this, and I think that you could definitely incorporate some more subtlety at the very beginning because I felt like you were shoving the concept in my face rather than allowing me my own thought. However-- the language/diction you use and the concepts that you've developed both in literal and figurative aspects are superb. Lovely piece altogether; I think with some more shaping, it could be excellent.

[OT]

ah yes Shawn recommended this and I can see why - I love the idea of origami beings - unfolding - the paper hearts - we unfold in many ways - on different levels - mentally, physically, emotionally - I like!

[Moonflower]

This was delicate...elegant...overpowering imagery and graceful folds of metaphor and thought provoking lines~ This was a fascinating write, A favorite~ Great work~

[Stammers]

kind - you just have this authority and 'rightness' to your voice that must come from the experience of uncertainty and wrongness you've eradicated all your years of writing. I do love this concept and it is expressed so cleanly, I was almost folding up as I read. You've caught the feeling of trying to bend and duck through daily life in such a creative, intelligent way.

truth - and that all annoys me as much as it inspires me ;p

[Jeff Loquist]

you see the world in simplicity...it makes me want to...then again, what is simple about origami. it is as complex as this poem

[Emily B]

you are so beautiful . . . guess I'm going to have to wander a while, I swear I don't know where all these unread pieces have come from

[JelliFyshKissUs]

oh my... rough draft my butt! This is and should be the finished product. Simple yet profound. And the beauty in the end is the icing on the cake. Simply stunning, my dear. Simply stunning.

[Zoe Jay]

What a great metaphor! Really nice concept, and there's some great moments in this poem. "our paper hearts take flight" is a gorgeous ending, detailed and delicate. "as our awkward angles are artfully arranged", lovely rich alliteration, very pleasing to read. And the first verse is superb. This is a neat, original, strong, thought provoking piece :-)