ramble

this is an off the cuff piece i just wrote in about 10 minutes. it's very rough and i'm not exactly sure what i'm saying here.

I’m starting to ramble;

I do that sometimes, like

when I’m leaving voicemails

for friends I haven’t contacted

in years and years till they are cocooned

in rose…

 

and I’ve frozen my heart

beat

stopping my breath till the words

come

slow.

Like how I imagine maple syrup

drips

from northeastern tree-trunks.

 

I ramble sometimes;

my speech stumbling on

like beggaring shoes,

worn out souls and the same

familiar sidewalks

cracking

smiles.

 

I ramble sometimes;

usually when I truths I’d rather

not admit are hidden behind

the laugh track of my denial.

Author's Note

any critique is welcome. i'm partly posting this just to break the ice on a long case of writer's block.

Reviews

[Alicante lullaby]

I think you have expertised in simple words elaborating complex emotions...i'm in awe.

[Robin]

a great soundbite of human nature ~

[JelliFyshKissUs]

I love writer's block. It leaves us vulnerable in our writes where we only speak internal truths. And usually those truths come out in rambles. But it is not often I read a table with such beautiful imagery weaved into it. Wonderful.

[Lovely Lady]

looks like the ice is melting... like your words in my heart!

~lovely

Rough or not, I love it.
it seems to have come straight from your mind.

"stopping my breath till the words

come

slow.

Like how I imagine maple syrup

drips"
That part of the write makes an impression on the slowness, the pauses. It's like you lost track of what you were going to say or you stopped to think really quick, and then got back on track.

I ramble when I leave voicemails as well. So much to say, so little time. Damn that voicemail lady.

One thing, though: "usually when I truths I’d rather"
Not sure where you were going with this. an accidental typo, maybe?

[SparrowPoet]

I wouldn't dismiss this as 'just breaking writer's block'. I like the spareness of it. It gives me a feeling of borrowed nostalgia, if that makes sense - I guess a sign of good writing is persuading someone to adopt a different perspective, which worked for me with this poem! But there's also a lot here that I relate to just on the basis of common experience - like building up saintly myths of lost friends, when in reality it's not that 'rosy' :)

I enjoyed this a lot. Nice work!

[Emily B]

it's wonderful and I'm glad you posted it . . . been too long since we've had new words from you