A Window's Soft Call

spring is playing dress up with summer's wardrobe,

spinning slowly.

sweeping seagulls to my window

who sing in grey-blue tones;

throats full of ocean.

 

i feel like an inadequate frame

senses clumsy

like bits of box

trying to hold the beauty of birthing hills

in the bounds of description.

 

Reviews

[Emily B]

oh, goodness, how did I miss this one? I thought I had read everything you've ever posted. It's brilliant and beautiful and an instant favorite.

[Stammers]

in the bounds of description - love that, I feel a sense of frustration from writer and subject.

Spring playing dress up, really good metaphor too. Really liked this.

[Katherine Moure]

This is a poem I can see being published in an anthology to be read by many creative writing students. And it wouldn't be one of those poems that the students come across and think, "Wow, how the hell did THIS get published?" It would be one the teacher would assign for explication and everyone would raise their hand with something to say about it.

It is dense, clever, and relates to fellow writers. Good moves all around. I do have one suggestion, and it is that having a simile within a simile "like an inadequate frame... like bits of box" can be a little confusing to intuit abstractly. It may read easier if you found a way to reconfigure that stanza while keeping the elements of it intact.

[Robin]

how can words capture the full magic .. yours takes us to a place we can see for ourselves , and its beautiful

[JelliFyshKissUs]

That first line made me giggle with glee. The image is so tasty. But that entire first stanza just makes me drool... out of retardation and admiration :) I think we all feel like wooden frames or smudged lens unable to truly grasp the beauty before us. But at least we attain a glimpse of a granule of springs splendor.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

what the be-jesus. this is wonderful. i can tell that i am going to ADORE Your work :)

"sweeping seagulls to my window
who sing in grey-blue tones;
throats full of ocean."

that is fantastic and brings the image right to us.

"i feel like an inadequate frame"

what an amazing concept - and you say it so gracefully. written wonderfully - concise and lovely.

[Tania Leigh]

Another clever poem....I love the first line especially.

You have a true gift for writing outside the box (pardon the cliche).

Awesome!

[Katrina]

the title completely drew me in. i was the girl who always got yelled at for staring out the windows so i knew i had to read this.

my lord, i am so completely jealous of you. especially this piece. man, i'm awful at shorter pieces but this is stunning. you manage to fit so much in with only so few lines. most short poetry feels like they're cheaping out, but this has enough fat to chew on. (that's a really gross expression, i wonder who made it? maybe i just totally butchered the saying, and got it wrong. wouldn't be the first time. gosh. back to the review.)

my favorite part if i had to pick one would be:

"sweeping seagulls to my window
who sing in grey-blue tones;"

this just made me feel like i was standing on a deserted beach which is something i love to do.

[Jonathan Standifird]

I just re-read this piece and it suddenly struck me very nicely. Much love.

Jonathan

[Jessica Standifird]

Still love the inadequate frame line, it nails this piece to its target. I'll tell you later about the image I get with this one. For now I have to go to sleep. Love this, though, it's beautiful.