heart vomit

this is just me getting the ick out.... first part of it. this is totally unfinished and who knows if it will remain here or ever get resolved.

fear and hope. the struggle both on a national and internal scale is coming to a head. which will win out? do we justify a system that performs to lowered expectations or do we risk venturing into uncharted territory? do i let my behavior patterns cater to my low self or do i trust in the rewards of responsibility?

 

lobbyists and poll gurus dance on the media stage as my shoulders prick and spark under the tete a tete between the halo and horns of my conscious. temptation and insight move across the chessboard and i castle with my queen in blanketland.

 

we lay and talk about everything. god i love talking to her. she tells me i need to write it all down.

 

part 1

 

“heart vomit”

 

where did my passion go? my dreams? my art? my inspiration? all of it? i had something to say. once. now i just feel numb. i feel the heavy belly push out obstinately against the shirts that used to fit me. thanks for reminding me that i am quickly becoming unattractive. my body hurts. it feels inflamed. a slow grinding anger replacing the frustration. my joints giving me the finger one nerve at a time. i work all night longing for the tempur-pedic bed that we managed to pay off. i can’t wait to get home, grab a glass full of vodka, zone out on tv, and fall asleep. i am become laziness.

 

Author's Note

not really looking for critique but i welcome your comments.

Reviews

[April Child]

Part 1: Fear and hope. That is it exactly, the conflict that rules us. To go with hope/faith takes courage, to live in fear is not really living. Tough call but the only failure we can incur is failing to try to live our dreams and if we fail in trying well it's not failure because at least we tried.

Part 2: Curious, where does it go? our inspiration, motivation, reason to get out of bed. It just does sometimes but it always comes back. Hard to see past it when we feel this way but there is more to come. I like the line "my joints giving me the finger one nerve at a time." Can so relate to that, that's just getting older and all we can do to that is give it the finger right back!

Keep writing, at least you are getting it out of you and it is always better out than in, cliche but true.

[Sel Whiteley]

A powerful write, sometimes such cartharis really helps. I think we all have our apathatic moments though and then we are suddenly hit again by the things we love most. It takes a while though!

[Gandré]

Hi Brian..I perceived the firs part of this work as about politics and second one as reflections about oneself. You said you like just comments so I say I am carefully watching this election. Of course, one has to filter all those messages. One also has to know that it is about the source of information irst. I.e., if you look www.wikipedia org, typing there " reporters_without_boarders", you get a list of free journalistic information within a country (means the less censured are first) of all countries in the world and their ranking. In such moments I am happy for my foreign languages skills. I also am happy that I can receive the digital channels of my hemisphere, means, I like to watch not only German TV regular channels but also CNN, Aljazeera which is Arabic channel from Kuwait (English), British parliament-TV channel, Czech TV, Russian TV Russia Today and others and Polish TV, sometimes I watch Arirang, what is an Korean TV I guess, and sometimes Chinese TV with English subtitles, I also get this American bible channels but not regular US Television nor Canadian-right, another hemisphere. I wouldn't pay a cent for it I have to say, it's free, you just purchase the receiver 100 �. So, my information is perhaps additional� and I'm regularly watching these opinion polls of US people, and I have to say it is very exciting also to me outside of the US, for I see that many love the charisma what the democratic candidate is spreading and I 've read today that Germans ask "what can we learn from Obama?" even our election is not similar to US election. I also have seen a documentary movie about his roots, father from Kenya and feministic strong mother which lived in Indonesia and other countries so he soon learnt other cultures and also that he had time in his teens searching for identity as white/black mixture in US and took drugs, and then went to one of best universities in U.S. I thought, this is something else, different background than wealthy Bush-family. I think both candidates didn't thematize questions of environment, nothing significant, this is a pity. However, amazing that Obama with his charisma won against the popular H R Clinton. I think what ever the democrat candidate is promising to change, he means it right now honestly if this happens, that's another point. We are used everywhere that they don't fulfil all their promises (A Merkel here didn't either and she is more popular in abroad than here). So I know how an American feels with all this, it's also a kind of insecurity what is going to happen with all those inflation news worldwide and global financial crisis.
The second part I can't comment, perhaps you just need outlook, new ideas it is autumn, less sun LOL, this is the normal mood I experience here. Thanks for making me think. (Thanks for your reviews and your words � I feel better, I went to doc this morning.) All together -this was interesting writing, you always dig in deep structures of mind. yes she is right, write all down.