fog

found this while cleaning

we woke up in cloudbanks on loan from the sky

the highways were currents

the traffic the tide

we washed up on islands one tribe at a time

and smoked our last smokes shook the sea from our eyes

 

off-shore the orchestra dances demurely

while the sirens soprano

counterpointing piano

opaqueing the skyline a wonderous white.

Reviews

[Rachel DeHart]

I really love these lines
"the highways were currents
the traffic the tide
we washed up on islands one tribe at a time
and smoked our last smokes shook the sea from our eyes"

And they're amazing together, I mean, I don't know if they'd work without the rest.
Very interesting imagery too, by the way.

[SparrowPoet]

"we washed up on islands one tribe at a time, and smoked out last smokes shook the sea from our eyes" ......wow!

this whole poem sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime sort of experience. you have recorded it beautifully.

reminds me of dylan's 'chimes of freedom'.

[poetic soul]

this is a gr8.. i have a poem with a similar title "fog" but your approach is entirely different and i enjoyed the read.. :)

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Raef C. Boylan]

Got me reflecting a little upon the first colonists to reach America - the 'pilgrims' etc - but I think that's only because I've been reading Bill Bryson lately so it's in my head, as there's actually a very contemporary feel to this piece.
It's also kind of dream-like, which is very appropriate for a poem about fog, as that can make everything feel surreal. Love the language and tone of this, big-time.
Great find. Thanks for sharing it.
& thanks for reviewing me the other day.

[Emily B]

that was a great find. actually makes me feel good about being organized when I find something I had forgotten.

[Jane Doe]

Eloquent and surreal. Wonderfully descriptive and emotional. Great writing!

[holly]

I wish I could find work this good while cleaning! It's musical in that it truly falls "trippingly off the tongue."
The rhythm as well as the musical references make this a well-rounded poem. Congratulations on the fine work.

[Gandré]

Hello Brian,
I missed you! What a wonderful description of fog. You are incredibly talented writer you know what romance readers want and you dare to be different, always! Loved it!! Thanks for your contribution to my chicken-crossing-the-road-piece. I also posted mine. All opinions are part of the piece. Be well. hug.

[fotini]

intresting!especially the first part!