antlers and apartment living

walking my chihuahua next to a field and the wildlife that sometimes stops to stare back at us.

slender velvet

quivers

 

head adorned with defensive fractals

turns cautiously contemplative

 

the black bar fence

borders between

my monthly shelter

and his diminishing realm

 

field and tree

morning yawns heavy with summer

and we stare down

through the spaces

till we are

snapshots

 

of civilization

and freedom

Author's Note

does this make sense? i'm highly caffienated so maybe not. lol.

Reviews

[Reika]

hmm. I think it makes sense in a way.

"field and tree
morning yawns heavy with summer
and we stare down
through the spaces
till we are
snapshots

of civilization
and freedom"

I like that. The picture it paints in my head, and the things it makes me think of...
I think I like your highly caffeinated writing very much
=)

[Nicole Marie]

Your first two lines had to me hooked. The rest stands brilliant. This poem makes me so sad-- but in such a beautiful way. You did something that I appreciate-- written in such a way that I feel that I have walked after reading this, having learned, having taken something from it.

[Jane Doe]

'the black bar fence

borders between

my monthly shelter

and his diminishing realm'

It saddens me that as civilization grows there is less and less nature, fewer and fewer places for these exquisite creatures to roam. Very well put!

[Laura E. Aranda]

I had to smile at the title...I was expecting something else....but then I had to sober and reread this line:
my monthly shelter

and his diminishing realm

That was really thought provoking.....LOVED those lines alot! I can't find too much of that on here....haha
Cheers,lea

[Kaela Craven]

I like this.
Maybe I read too much into it, I'm not sure. It seemed at first like a comment on our society through a very narrow medium, like a super small point used to make a really big point.
But then I read it again and maybe it was meant to be simpler. You tell me.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Firstly, love the title.
Secondly, the title provides us with the clue re: "velvet quivers" [i'm pretty sure it works without the description, so no worries there].
Great alliteration:
"the black bar fence
borders between".

Good sibilance:
"morning yawns heavy with summer
and we stare down
through the spaces
till we are
snapshots".

I don't know how philosophically provoking this piece was supposed to be, but I found it very much so.
That last line called me back for another read, with a different slant on the main point that you may [or may not haha] have been trying to make.
The contrast you paint so casually...reaffirmed my belief that we pay a heavy price in freedom for that which we call civilisation. It gets to me on a daily basis.
"monthly shelter" = pay day?

Overall, great use of semi-abstract imagery, your usual high-standard language, and interesting topic.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Leah Simone]

you are the civilization and he is the freedom - you could even look at the bars as somewhat - prison-like or zoo like - you being the caged. I liked the morning yawns as well. The opening description did not seem full enough to me - I used the title and picture to help me understand the slender velvet quivering to be the animal. If I were going to tweak this at all - I would put the antlers blatantly next to the quivering velvet and use the title to represent the bigger message - to hint at it - the space between bars type of thing...
however - antlers and apartment living has a nice ring to it.

[Tessa]

"field and tree
morning yawns heavy with summer
and we stare down
through the spaces
till we are
snapshots

of civilization
and freedom"

I love this. i can picture it in my head. and it makes me feel so sad for some reason...

[holly]

This is perfectly and sparely drawn, like a quick pencil sketch by Da Vinci - no wasted words/lines. Very well done.

[Ninelilies]

My dad is a hunter, so I think I get what you mean by "and we stare down/through the spaces/till we are/ snapshots//of civilization/and freedom". I think it's really good, and I'm adding it to my library.

[April Child]

This makes perfect sense, every word, it's gorgeous. I didn't know you had a chihuahua, I love them!

slender velvet
quivers

head adorned with defensive fractals
turns cautiously contemplative

yes this is so chihuahua.

field and tree
morning yawns heavy with summer
and we stare down
through the spaces
till we are
snapshots

of civilization
and freedom

This struck a chord with me, I had a similar thought yesterday as I walked my dogs and looked up at the sun and realised how many other scenes it was shining down on, from up there each scene a tiny slice of life, millions and millions of them all playing out the joys and the pains, kind of puts things into perspective somewhat. "morning yawns heavy with summer" brilliant, you always come up with the best lines. Caffeine suits you well :)