multiples

i just had to write this out. i recently found out online that a friend of mine is starting to identify as a "multiple" aka having multiple personalities and using plural pronouns. i don't know how i feel about this exactly. the names have been

A friend of mine recently posted in zir lj about being multiple. Identifying as plural is somewhat of a new concept to me and until about a month ago I had never met anyone who identified that way.

 

I consider myself to be a very open minded person and respectful of people who do not fit in the norm. I like to wax philosophic about the matrixes that make up human behavior, the universe, and ethics. So it bothers me that I am bothered by this new idea that zie has embraced and is currently exploring.

 

Why?

 

Nancy.

 

Let me own my issues on this. I met James and Nancy in college. James and I became brothers in spirit and decided to get an apartment together after the school year ended. James and Nancy became a couple and she was over at our place often. Nancy had always been a somewhat serious girl. However there was this ever-present disconnect that kept her “off”.

As she became more a part of my life and she and James grew more intimate I learned that she had dissociative identity disorder. I wasn’t very familiar with the mental disorder and my knowledge consisted of Hollywood plotlines in thrillers and such. Part of me really doubted that it was even a real condition. James eventually shared with me the traumatic events that she had suffered. As a young girl Nancy had been repeatedly raped and mentally abused. Her family had not supported her and didn’t give her an outlet to express her deep hurt and pain. So she split and she had 2 separate personalities. I only remember one, the one I met.

 

Lacey.

 

Where as Nancy was a solemn and well spoken college student, Lacey was in contrast a wide eyed, giggly, little girl of 7 or so. I remember when James asked if I would like to meet Lacey. Skeptical still I said yes. I remember him talking to her, saying it’s ok, let Lacey come out. The memory of watching her eyes change still haunts me. My doubts vanished as the energy completely changed and although I was still looking at the same body a completely segmented part of Nancy (Lacey) came out and talked to me. Her language fit the vocabulary of a young girl. Her body language, her mannerisms, everything was different. There was a joy and innocence that I had never seen before. It broke my heart to see. A few minutes later and Nancy came back.

 

James and Nancy worked together very hard and it took at least a year if not longer for Nancy to reintegrate her other personalities back into one identity. When I saw her after I had moved out on my own I was amazed to see those parts of Lacey (the joy, the smile, the sillines) as part of her daily life. Was she still somber and quiet? Yes, sometimes; but it wasn’t ALL the time. She was happier.

 

So I definitely believe in multiple personalities. I’ve seen it. It has been my only direct experience.

 

Now I am faced with the argument that DID/MPS isn’t always caused by trauma and that people can dissociate and segregate themselves in a healthy way.

 

I am conflicted on this on several fronts.

 

1. I am skeptical that DID/MPS isn’t always caused by trauma.

 

2. I am not sure why anybody would want to identify as multiple in the first place. The motives seem questionable.

 

3. Division as a general rule make things more complicated, difficult to communicate, and indicates a negative cause.

 

4. Diversity promotes equality, new ideas, revolution, and co-operation.

 

5. Non-conformity is generally a virtue I extol and admire.

 

6. How do you draw a line between finding comfort in your identity and distancing everyone around you?

 

7. How are we defining “personalities” vs “emotions/moods”?

 

8. If each “personality” is an identity then is that to say that personalities themselves are one dimensional? “my self-righteousness is Yolanda, my analytical side is Pauline, etc etc etc” If that’s so then why have names at all?

 

9. Having no sense of memories from one personality to another appears to be a mental illness. Either that or maybe certain memories are tied by associations to certain emotional states. Eg. I am so angry I remember the last time I was THIS angry was when….

 

So it bothers me. I don’t understand enough yet and again this is all subjective. Part of me only wants to see how this complicates my relationship with the person. Instead of rewiring myself to acquiesce to their new terms, and identities I just want a singular reference point so that I don’t always have to be guessing which personality I’m interacting with. To me Jill is Jill and all the wonderful contradictory moods and quirks that she is choosing to name other personalities.

 

I like Jill a lot. So I don’t want to address a just a certain part of Jill. I want to address Jill however she is… at that moment. If she is feeling silly and cute then yay Jill is silly and cute. If Jill is removed and analytical then yay Jill is removed and analytical.

 

It’s not like I don’t understand having wildly contradictory feelings for no apparent reason. Many a day I’ve gone through bouts of extreme loneliness where all I wanted was a friend to come by and hang with me… only to find that when I had a friend by my side a few minutes later that I was extremely annoyed and anti-social and had to apologize as I asked them to leave.

 

I guess I just choose not to see it as Brian wanted a friend but then Ben “fronted” and overruled the decision.

 

And I guess I just don’t see the point in actively segmenting yourself unless you are already that way and so far my strongest experience wasn’t a positive one.

 

Author's Note

this isn't for critique although i am interested in your thoughts, questions, and debate. also a note to explain zie/zir - these are genderqueer pronouns that some transgender people use who don't identify as either men or women.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I think I've only read poetry from you before - possibly a story too - so it was really nice to see an essay-type post from you, and one so direct, interesting and thought-provoking.
A very simplistic response from me for now, as I don't know when I'll be kicked off the computer...

Mental illness is becoming a trend, a cool thing to have - partly due to films like Donnie Darko; this could explain why people are so eager to identify with this disorder and segment themselves in this way. For the most part, I feel the same as you re: mood vs. 'personalities'. I think the disorder may well exist but it is very rare, much rarer than the number of people diagnosed as possibly having it/labelling themselves it...either that or we all have it, because we all dissociate at times and 'act out of character' etc - maybe we just don't realise that it's a Ben vs. Brian moment lol.

I know this isn't intended for critique, but I've got to say it's really well-written.
Guess I like your 'essay/blog voice'.

Thanks for sharing and challenging us to think.

[SamBug]

I was really lost in this. It sounded good but truthfully I stopped reading it around the beginning because I couldn't follow. I guess it's only because I'm a minor. Oh well

[holly]

Loved this essay and your openess.
One of my best friends in the 90's had severe emotional problems and at one point toyed (sorry for the word, but that's how it appeared) with the idea of being a multiple. For her it was a big enough problem, one that would get her the help and attention she needed. Not like being merely depressed or enraged. It was a way to express her vast dissatisfaction with her portion of life. I felt skeptical and ashamed of my skepticism all at once. People's ideas of themselves shift and shift and there are times when accepting that is easy and others when I'm just too tired and want them to be the "themselves" I've conjured in my head.
When we're busy distancing ourselves from others, in general as opposed to the specific other, I don't think we're comfortable within ourselves completely.

[Jules]

I still remember reading and seeing "Sybil" the first time, and being blown away by it, but it making complete sense as a reaction to trauma. I have to agree with your skepticism about it being a positive or healthy way to deal with different aspects of a personality.

You bring up some great points, both analytical and personal/emotional, and all I can say is I agree, pretty much across the board. I've never had a friend or anyone I knew identify as multiple, and though I have noticed many MANY aspects of my personality, I always just thought I was moody; I'd never imagine that I was a multiple nor name them.

Really interesting, is what I'm trying to say, and I'm going to go read it again, now :)

[Gandré]

I learnt something new with "zie/zir". I am not sure if this is genetically given, here from your text I take the feeling that it is her experiences which make her feel like this. I also know that the thing called schizophrenia is definitely an unsual (they say wrong) metabolism in the biochemical processes in the brains and who doesn't want to keep it and is on medication, he or she can get the awareness of the masses ("be normal" how they say) but the dissociative identity disorder is much more difficult, a medication doesn't help here; I love them all, schizophrenic and DID people, such a wonder they are! Yes often they are victims of repeated trauma, they only were able mentally to survive when inventing another personality and realizing something like "it's not happening to me but to XY..." This also makes lots of sense to me. I believe you totally and I've got the same opinion, there is such a genius who is free in his state of incorporating several personalities. Nothing bad with it, when the one feels comfortable. The society is the one who forces him/her to believe, that he is abnormal. But the individual is higher than society isn't it, they learn to believe that they are ill. So sad! So the society is killing genius. Those who cope with society live in that what I call a "dreams consciousness" and those who don't are logged away and live in what I call a "nightmares consciousness". They also are a creative genius and the society doesn't like them for the society, in fact, is bunch of average intelligence and as this humanity was and is all about power, I find it so tragical: why to log them away even when they are nice, creative and peaceful? Society is anxious about so much power like genius intelligence+creation potential! Exactly how you said in your essay: these people are wonderful always with all their quirks. I wished we had more such people, such individual thinkers and artists and rulers, this expected conformity of average intelligence with all their EGOs desire is utterly boring! A wonderful write, I loved it. I really did. I gave you 100 %, it doesn't show up. But know, I did.

Hey, dear thanks for your thought after reading my "An evening with Mozart". I wrote another one, about a pianist, I will repost that one, too. Be well.

[Irin Chendale]

Your example about being lonely one second and anti-social the next is more an example of what could be considered bipolar. MPS, as far as I know, is only associated with people have been through traumatic experiences and their method of dealing with it is to "divide" themselves so that one side of them is there through the experience and the other side is what people see otherwise. A good example of this sort of thing would be Sybil (there is a movie and a book out about her condition--she is known as having the most personalities ever recorded, a couple of which are male).

I am with you in that I question a person's motives for claiming they suffer from this disorder. The problem is how do you tell the people apart that are telling the truth and the ones that are doing it for attention.

My question about your friend that is now identifying as "multiple" (I wonder where this phrase came from because I have never, ever heard someone refer to it like that--actually most people try to hide the fact the suffer from it), did they get it diagnosed by a doctor? Or are they going by what they have read and what they assume is true? And even if one doctor says that they are suffering from this condition, did they get a second opinion?

If they haven't gotten it validated by a doctor, then I wouldn't believe them and chalk it up to them seeking attention.