gravity

for my heartner

you told me that it wouldn't be easy
to see you clearly through broken glasses
when the glare cuts into my eyes like swords
made of sunlight

the shine made you angelic
i heard your voice tied up in the
tapestry of your wings
and i was blinded by that beautiful noise

i stumbled into your embrace
and forgot to let you fly
but you are not my poetic tragedy
to bind with ribbons like metaphors
till you bleed similies on my inability
to fall.

you are the goddess and i am your fool
distracted by the reflections of light
i am led by fractals
and let my pen tangle ink black webs
into the corners of your eyes

dark calligraphy pours from your lips
and kisses my shadow
assures me that my foolish ways are simply
a path that leads to that destined fall

the stars paint constellation promises
pinpricks of light piercing through
the jagged glass of my perception
echoing a song that i knew at our beginning

you make me remember
i lose focus and feel you
let my ribbons fall to your feet
and tremble with naked anticipation

i look to the star's song
and hear the rush of your wings
i let go of gravity
and fall into your sky

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

On this second read, I'm placing emphasis on the word "fall" each time it crops up, because the repetition makes it feel like a significant word...and my brain can't accept the re-use of it without the emphasis, apparently. Since the title is 'Gravity', I'm thinking that the theme of falling is important...but I don't know how deliberated the repeated "fall"s are [?]

This is an intriguing piece, filled with lots of skilful imagery
e.g.
"but you are not my poetic tragedy
to bind with ribbons like metaphors
till you bleed similies on my inability
to fall." - great stuff [is the full stop accidental? I can't see any other punctuation throughout]

This is maybe about fully releasing yourself to love [badly phrase, but hopefully you dig what i mean].
Surrendering is better word...maybe. I dunno. Falling, letting go...

Good write.

[Laura E. Aranda]

sooooo pretty! Another masterpiece....i think i will eventually read all your work tonite! HA! I LOVE IT
In my opinion I would have written
you are the goddess and i your fool instead of your line:

you are the goddess and i am your fool

you added 'am' and it sounds right ...but that is just what i would have done! Cheers,lea

[Katherine Wyatt]

I love this..it is an interesting Love poem filled with poetic and celestial reference..Lovely

[Gandré]

I am reading this poem and got strucked here with this metaphor "when the glare cuts into my eyes like swords
made of sunlight" _______ very unusual way to say. this cutting of sunlight. eccentric!
and i was blinded by that beautiful noise" ___________ ha! this is delicious. to be blinded by a noise you mix up two senses for our consideration. I say, a pleasant tasting.

"and forgot to let you fly"_____________ this is so true, that's why i am single. they don't want to let me fly. Loved this line.
"and fall into your sky" -------------- what a way to express love.

I loved this general love mood of your poem, it is positively reflected and this is representive in many of your poems. Great job, my dear friend Brian!!

"let my ribbons fall to your feet
and tremble with naked anticipation"---------------how can one feel more in such a moment? hmmm there are those who can't survive in such a single night.


"and let my pen tangle ink black webs
into the corners of your eyes" ---------------------now, this is like spending the half of life with waiting for her sight.. amazing.

"the stars paint constellation promises" ----------------------you say here masterly about the fate shed hope for salvation but it is not happening, not yet. totally adored this.

[Jordan]

Such skillful imagery in this write. It is a beautiful work of 'art'.
I quite enjoy the repetition(accidental or not), for it easily catches the readers' eye.
I loved how you said "I let go of gravity and fall into your sky". It was beautifully put, and I'm not sure if it was meant to contradict itself(fall down, sky is up.)[?] Of course, this is just how I viewed it. Even if it does indeed contradict itself, how it was done was just wonderful.

This is beautiful on how it makes out that you...gave yourself up to love/surrendered to it? Just amazing detail on everything, and I can't wait to read more of your works!