proof

pinpricky octopus

on her vanity

sewing table

entertainment echelon

i lean

pulling voodoo

tacks

from its ocean fur

and accuse with

eyeball tongues

she sighs

like dragon lullabies

watching my finger

paint blood with

fleshprinted stamps

from slim steel stabs

our silent argument

girlish snake coiling perfume

and gasoline excuses

the photographs spark

matchbooked in my pocket.

Author's Note

this was written for a contest challenging writerse to write something cohesive and yet completely weird and random. this is my attempt.

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

hey... i think i like it!! the octopus image carried through, and then in the end it got more tangible, it had enough concreteness to it to keep me thinking I wasn't on drugs, but enough weirdness to expand my mind.

i really like it...the ending is great. and i love your word/image/animal choices throughout.

[Ninelilies]

This read fast...like a beat poem. But the vision you unlock...the "pinprickly octopus"...is that a reference to those tomato looking things older women have by their sewing machines to hold needles? The rest of the poem makes me think so, but I didn't want to give the wrong impression like before--S

[Anne Martin]

Definitely Dali-esque, and you do it well. My head is still spinning, but I think there is a lot in this, and I may have to come back to it for more sense. Perhaps there is so much meaning here that I can't untangle it. It does seem cohesive, though. I'd vote for you.

[April Child]

OK phew I read your note after I read the poem and was relieved to find that it was meant to be random and weird because I knew I liked it but I had no clue what was going on here.

I am in awe, where does a pinpricky octopus come from, haha that's brilliant!

i lean
pulling voodoo
tacks
from its ocean fur
and accuse with
eyeball tongues
she sighs
like dragon lullabies

It doesnt matter that I dont know whats going on, your words and images are a total trip.

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

Being a surreal piece, I instantly approve. And there are some fascinating images in this one. I'm working top-to-bottom here so do forgive me. Photographs that spark like matchbooks? Loved it! For one, carrying photographs in your pocket is a strange way to keep them and also not a very safe way to keep them - they'll become tattered, surely? So it's sentimental in that the photos are cherished and kept close and the sparks seem to suggest their images, or emotions, are alive.

Dragon lullabies struck me as well. I pictured a slumbering dragon, dangerous if it should awake. It creates a feeling of jeopardy in the piece. And bloodied prints on 'slim steel slabs' is another abstract. One doesn't tend to think of slabs as being thin. A very interesting piece indeed!

[Yira Simone]

I like this one...

I like how you showed her as passive aggressive and so damn cunning. Great imagery and word placement. I felt you kept it short but said a lot with the few words you used. I like the way you did not get carriee away with details, you left enough for the reader's imagination. Damn boy...is she that bad? LOL-Catrina

[Michael X]

weird and random, if i was to say weird than it would be in a more abstract sense since your words
are open to metaphorical interpretation, and i think thats the great thing about this writing and
why i could'nt find anything i would actually change because most of what was written i had to draw
my own conclusions on what you meant, i like how the images draw the reader to ponder,
as far as pinpointing an exact meaning, i would say this is more along the lines of taking colors
splattering them on paper, its visually impacting, and fun to read in its imaginative surrendering.

[Touché Armada]

Yep thats random, I think you created a monster lol, a bleeding octopus crossed with a sea urchin wow, and a furry sea LOL makes me think the strange octopus is a flea, lol yep random still good and very random.

[Raef C. Boylan]

I'm envying how even your 'randomness' is brilliant.
This is a great piece, one that works even when placed outside the contest - some contests are very specific, or writers change their style in order to compose something suitable; the originality of this and the exciting language are your trademarks - I'm glad they stayed with you.
Overwhelmingly well-crafted, the snippets are both seamless and very disconnected - it's a great effect and really entertaining to read. Enjoyed this immensely, both as a poem and a demonstration of your ability to captivate readers.
Great pace and rhythm also, the slick flow increases the sense of situation/story [if that makes sense?]

Thanks for sharing this.
Good luck in the contest.

p.s.

"from it's ocean fur" [its]