Darkness

I say I find this darkness my home,
the light was just a fallacy.
A tale, it kindles some home,
A lie, we cling for support.
People of this cursed land,
Why pretend to not know.
This world too will someday be destroyed,
by a star it lovingly called its own.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Not your basic happy piece here. The speaker seems embittered by the fact of impermanence. The sun will indeed destroy this place and all who are unfortunate enough to be here at that time. I sincerely hope I will have all my reincarnations completed by then. Everyone should get to work on that.

[anonymous_at]

I'm in love with your last line "This world too will someday be destroyed,
by a star it lovingly called its own.".... scientific irony indeed..... superb...:)

[Raghib]

Thank you anonymous . May I know your name ?

[anonymous_at]

Someday for sure....coz before I die I want to leave my story behind here.... But in that very passage of time I don't want anyone to know who I'm .... But if u can keep my name a secret then message me...I surely tell you...coz it's beautifu (certainly not flaunting)...
-A-

[sunshine hazzard]

things in the world for me and you duces 2 or naw 1 2 jus say i got you compilicated life ehhh wats that whos gonna make it dont focus on the world jus presume to move at the speed of liigtt this world is a flight gi he knos moi pause for a moment gudinees from who lol shh

[Raghib]

I didnt understand you much . Can you be more clear .

[¿]

Darkness.......from where the world runs away! Light has it's glow cause darkness is there to compare it with. Hmm....... finding home in darkness is a palace away from that false 'light'
- Tahsin. Z

[Raghib]

A palace whose destruction I do not fear !

[Elli]

Powerful words. I don't understand what you mean by 'A star it lovingly called its own', Can you enlighten me?

[Raghib]

This poem is actually about how people cling on to hope to come out of the darkness in their life . I have added a sceintific touch to the poem . It is kniwn that our planet will be destroyed by our star (the sun ). It shows how people cling on to their closed ones even if they know that when they leave them,they will be destroyed emotionally ! So I say that I find this darkness my home .

[Fahmida Mehreen]

True words spoken. Nice read.

[Raghib]

Thank you dor your visit

[The Iron Horseman]

I like the last four lines; they express a very interesting point of view. However, the first four lines just left me confused as to their meaning.
A nice try, though. I would just give some thought to reworking the first four lines.

[Raghib]

The first four lines talk about how darkness is right and light is wrong . I have added science and death in this poem . Here dark symbolizes death . The tales we weave to say why do we live is just a false hope . At the same time it shows how this world clings on the sun for its life support when one day it will be destroyed .

[Raghib]

The dark can mean more things

[The Iron Horseman]

Understood, thank you for the explanation. Perhaps you could make this clearer in your first four lines?

[Avia]

Hmmmm. An interesting perspective. Nice poem

[Raghib]

Thank you for your visit .

[JayG]

• I say I find this darkness my home,
What function do the words "I say," have that makes them necessary? Isn't presenting "I find this darkness my home," "saying it?"

• A tale, it kindles some home,

You lost me here. I know you have intent for the meaning the reader should take from the words. But your intent doesn't make it past the keyboard, and the reader has only what the words suggest, based on what those words suggest to them, based on THEIR background. To me a tale is a story. So you just said that any story will do. And that's so broad it's hard to relate to what has gone before.

kindles: which can be taken as starting a fire or creating interest.

some: which is indeterminate and could mean one, an infinite number, or anything between.

home: a a place, be it real or metaphorical, as in line one. But it cannot be divided, so you can't have "some" home. And how it relates to being comfortable in the dark is too vague for me to make any meaningful connection, no matter how I assign meaning to the preceding two words.

In short: I think you need to edit from the seat and viewpoint of your reader, not with the intent of the author guiding you.

[Raghib]

For your first point about me adding "I say" .
It shows that its my belief and others may or may not accept it .
For your other suggestions I will try to improve .

[JayG]

• For your first point about me adding "I say"

That's your intent. But remember, intent doesn't make it to the page. And in the end, isn't everything in the piece what you said? So what does adding, "I say" to it add?

[Raghib]

Yes I get your point . Thank you for your review !!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

those who live in the darkness have that knowledge that others who wear sunglasses will find their world eventually fall to that same darkness...maybe that light is just a fallacy.
j.

[Raghib]

Yes . Maybe ! Thus world is full if questions which are answered by the word - maybe .