Satan Visits Jesus

A Story by Ragefulchimp

some people may find this offensive, but i assure you, i was just trying to make a spoof story.

As hell started to freeze over, satan had his servants throw more wood in the deep, dark, crumbling pits of heck. The slaves of eternity agreed with haste, because if they didnt follow orders, Satan would do horrible things. The Creator of evil was acting especially evil that day, because he knew what was coming up, Christmas. His favorite holiday was on the horizon, and he was still at a loss as to what to buy jesus. He already had wings, and this really cool rubiks cube that was electronic, plus his dad was all powerful, which was pretty neat. He had a couple of ideas rummaging around in his head, but nothing was panning out, and he began to get irritated. Steam would begin to rise from his head, and his eyes would bulge to a bright blistering red. When this occured, all was in panic, for if he did not recieve his iced latte to cool himself down, his secretary would lose another eyebrow.

Hell is an evil place, full of destruction and chaos, and satan reminded his damned slaves frequently. The overworked servants thought they were getting milk and cookies after dinner; but because of satans attitude, they would only be getting cookies without milk. Of course, this is just one example of Satan's evil. There has been a time or two when the devil would force his servents to eat arby's, oh what a cruel master he is. While his slaves began to cry from the lack of milk, the master of all evil laughed so loud that people in the mortal realm could hear him for miles, thus creating heavy metal.

After hours of pondering, he finnaly figured out the perfect gift for his pal jesus. Satan felt compelled to get jesus a great present after accidentally creating scientology and stealing away Tom cruise. His idea was perfect, it was just the right amount of suprise and happiness, or so he thought. After finnaly figuring out jesus' gift, he felt satisified, and dozed into a slumber until the bells of christmas day started to ring.

Before satan would go to heaven, he had to think of a new way to torture his slaves for christmas, and not before long a plan was thought of. The devil decided to force all of his slaves to watch two hours of C-Span. He was going to make them watch three hours, but was afraid they would all die from the bullshit that is politics. After Gandhi, his secretary put in his evil demands he was off, but before he left, Gandhi asked if he could attend Christmas this year. The devil then beat him to death, hired a new secretary then set off. Satan always had a hatred for hinduism, for reasons unexplainable.