Insomniac Night no.??

Trigger warning. Written on my phone, not sure which number this is...felt like I've written a thousand by now, yet very few are posted.

"The number you are calling is no longer avail-"
*click*
..."F**k it..." I mumble as I lock my phone and drop it on my bedside table, next to the clock reading 1:23 am.

Another insomniac night, another day wasted... What am I doing?

I sit up in bed, trying to... Do something. Stir something in my head, make my body move, something to induce any type of feeling...

But still nothing happens.

"Yet another night of missing you..." I whisper. The number I just called is yours, and though it may be late, I know that you're still awake...just like I am.

I get out of bed and stumble to my bathroom, the whiskey taking affect. I make it to the bathroom, and turn the lights on. I glance at my reflection, and see the person I used to be staring back.

"Distasteful... It's been years." I say aloud. "Yet...your loss still hurts to this day. You're in college now, living your dream...and I'm stuck here missing something that supposedly died when I was 20 years old." I shut the lights off, and do my best to walk back towards my bed.

Just another night... Like any other since that day when I ended my world... I died back then. So what's to stop me from dying for real this time?

I sit on my bed and open the drawer of my bedside table, my revolver staring back at me. Moonlight is bouncing off the barrel, almost winking at me. Calling to me.

I pick the gun up, feeling the weight. I've done this a thousand times... Yet your face in my mind always stopped ms.

But tonight....? Feels different. Feels like I'm ready to go Home.

I toy with the revolver, changing hands numerous times, thinking of the way...

No. The more I think about it, the less chance i have to follow through. I put the barrel to my temple, flick the safety off, and take a breath.

Then another.

...
...
Let it out.
...
Take another.
...
...
...
The last sound I heard was my phone ring.
The last thing I saw was a dark room.
The last last thing I should've paid attention to was on top of my table with a brightly lit screen, with your name across the screen.

Reviews

[Thepensiveplayer]

Excellent poem! You bring to light some of the feelings we go through being apart from someone or even losing them. Don't let your darkness snuff out your light. Sometimes you gotta fight what you feel in order for ourselves to heal and move forward. The journey in life is not easy and has an unknown end, but your story is getting better by the day. Take care and keep writing. :)