Hindsight

when you regarded the epic arse of your auntie
with fear of destiny
and observed how she bows in the wind of her mother
your Gran
you realised Gods and humans did not love one another
and you ran
to another place, another time, another you
a time span
where to yourself and your principles you could be true
a place
down the dark winding corridors of your head
there’s no trace
of television, nicotine, or things that are said
for the sake of it
tradition and false laughter stored in a room
labelled 'bullshit'
you enter the basement of your mind and you fume
in the corner
lost in a whirlpool of loyalty and frustration
your former
self, the obedient one with high expectation
of living
the good one the kind one
"he’s so forgiving"
years of being walked upon
trodden down
like a tacky door mat
you won’t allow
yourself to end up like that
breathing
but no life, living off the experiences of others
seething
about the blindness of mothers
with hindsight
it's easy to begin to lay blame
didn’t get it right
now you carry the shame:

killing,
character-building;
it’s all the same.

 

Author's Note

I wrote this when I was fourteen. It's not bad, considering.
Any constructive criticism will be appreciated. Thanks.

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

wow ,you almost make a briefing of our life till death in a few words ,then tackling more sorrows in all our lives ,just beautiful ,the way you jump all the time ,and move from one mishap to lots others ,you are showing great skills here

[Kevin Connolly]

When you regarded the epic arse of your auntie
with fear of destiny
- What a brilliant intro! Be careful, or you'll end up with a huge posterior just like that...

you realised Gods and humans did not love one another
and you ran
- I love the way you take a sideways look at the idea that maybe God doesn't love us. Gods and humans don't love one another!

Other excellent lines:

a place
down the dark winding corridors of your head
tradition and false laughter stored in a room
labelled 'bullshit'
you enter the basement of your mind and you fume
in the corner
years of being walked upon
trodden down
like a tacky door mat
you won�t allow
yourself to end up like that
killing,
character-building;
it�s all the same.

Brilliant stuff, C. And you were only 14.....

[F. Nazarov]

killing, character-building; it�s all the same.Got to be my most favorite line. It kind of made me laugh. I really love it. It describes so much.breathing but no life, living off the experiences of othersThe truth in that line is just so.....can't find a word. I hate it when that happens, well when other people do that I just want to punch them or smething.All in all a really great poem.

[October]

Wow.
This is so bueatiful.
I would quote,
But I really do love it all.
Great job!
-October

[Ebby]

Outstanding.

you won�t allow
yourself to end up like that
breathing
but no life, living off the experiences of others
seething
about the blindness of mothers
with hindsight
it's easy to begin to lay blame
didn�t get it right
now you carry the shame:

I am a wronged daughter and a failing mother, so this strikes a blow or two. We build battlements of falsities ti protect ourselves so often. You have approached this common topic in a fresh, inspiring and invigorating manner, which makes it supremely readable. This is well worked with great structure, and your flow does as it should, rolling fat words from our greedy tongues.
Thank you for inviting me to read this poem. It highlights so many truths.
Kindest regards. :)

[Gary H]

Shame-faced I have to admit to many of the attributes of my past family. Although I can clearly see things about myself in my mum and dad there are things further afield that play with my thinking. These mixed with experience lead me to today, single and alone, writing a review on a sunny day in a cold room.
I like this poem a lot.