The Burden of Overactive Minds

My head...your head?

It doesn’t take much;

 

a taxi driver, stopping,

waving me across the road;

if only to step

before the oncoming grille

of a vehicle in the other

lane, it does not matter,

for it is the gesture that counts.

 

Sometimes I feel so light…

 

…as if I could float beyond

the claws of my existence,

and disperse through the sky

(which is more than mere science,

however persistently they try

to persuade me otherwise)

and it is here I become worried.

 

It would be just my luck to get shot;

 

another name filtered into living rooms

via the evening news;

a bystander caught up

in yet another gang feud;

crossfire tearing my tranquility into shreds

of flesh and bone, and flecks

of my imagination seeping into the pavement.

 

It doesn’t take much,

 

for me to get carried away -

betrayed by a Spring breeze,

giggling insanely

as I wave to bewildered Proles,

left behind in a world that burdens weightily,

tugging forcefully at their feet

like chewing gum on worn soles.

 

Gravity, they call it.

 

I kiss mummified flowers amid apologies

over neglect, regrets pricking me like thorns,

and each terrible day, more infants born

oblivious, hopefully drenched

in fresh love every morning;

trembling, trusting leaves shaking off the drops,

knowing not of the value or remorse.

 

No, it doesn’t take much.

Author's Note

Please take a look at the book and let me know what you think:
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/where-nothing-is-sacred-volume-i/1637740]

Thanks.

Reviews

[Dave Palmer]

This is an "every day" poem with more than an every day meaning behind it. It travels through some of the most innocent portions of life that we all take for granted daily. I like the repeating of the line "It doesn't take much" because it's so true. It doesn't take much because it is all set in motion and happens every day without much effort at all, yet the effects can be both innocent and/or disasterous. Nice imagery here with vivid descriptions of the various random events that all come together to complete the thoughts of the grand scheme.

I like how you touch on the contrasts of death and innocence early and end with new life (the ultimate in innocence) giving the reader hope amid the destructive/hopeless lines like "even if only to step before the oncoming grille of a vehicle in the other lane" or "crossfire tearing my tranquility into shreds of flesh and bone, and flecks of my imagination seeping into the pavement." (the second is my favorite line.)

Overall a good piece... keep writing!

[Jenny Davis]

This is very interesting and does breath life into a picture and a tragedy of everyday living.
My favorite line is:
"for me to get carried away -
betrayed by a Spring breeze,
giggling insanely
as I wave to bewildered Proles".........it is very relateable and written exceptional for it's purpose.

Altogether, I liked this a lot and found myself seeing what you were trying to portray. I also got the message which seems to be about life's betrayals and distractions. I felt it read a tad choppy though.

Nice job :D

[Ebby]

Who are you?

Your first stanza is more dolorous, weighted. Then your following stanzas lighten in flow.
I get the feeling that I am missing the point, that there is an undetected undercurrent that I can not capture.
Some of your lines are utterly beautiful:

and flecks
of my imagination seeping into the pavement.

It doesn�t take much,

for me to get carried away -
betrayed by a Spring breeze, --Is the capitalisation deliberate?
giggling insanely -- quite a dark image.

regrets pricking me like thorns,
and each terrible day, more infants born
oblivious, hopefully
drenched in fresh love each day; --repitition of day stood out, this lacks a little of your usual brilliant flow.

Yes, after reading the reviews below, I have realised I am lacking my reviewing hat this evening. I apologise.
Kind regards.

[Bubo]

Sometimes we are overburdened by life and thoughts......this was a wonderful piece, the last stanza so perfect, because it seems fresh life is through time tainted by life.

I kiss mummified flowers amid apologies
over neglect, regrets pricking me like thorns,
and each terrible day, more infants born
oblivious, hopefully
drenched in fresh love each day;
trembling, trusting leaves shaking off the drops,
knowing not of the value or remorse.

No, it doesn�t take much.

[Kevin Reader]

What a lovely collection of thoughts. I can see how the last line really pulls the reader into the justification for the entire piece. Very beautiful moments are laced within. I feel a real cycle of life that undulates throughout the piece.

my fav line:

'drenched in fresh love each day'

I'm a fan of love though, so that's not suprising!

Thanks again.

[Six Impossible Things]

There's a lot going on here, but you present it to us so wonderfully that it doesn't feel overwhelming.

Your use of repetition works great and this all flows so beautifully.

These lines really hit me hard:
'I kiss mummified flowers amid apologies
over neglect, regrets pricking me like thorns,
and each terrible day, more infants born
oblivious, hopefully '

It does feel like you've opened up your skull and invited us all in for a hovercraft ride. No suggestions here. This was 100% enjoyable.

[Luke Brooks]

(which is more than mere science,
however persistently they try
to persuade me otherwise)

I think it would flow better if it read
"however they persistently try".
Great line by the way.

Really a great job with this.
It's fresh.
Alot the poetry here is good but it seems slightly generic.
This is creative and new.
I like it.

I enjoyed it.

[lostintheworld]

wow-
You put this together beautifully. I feel like I just took a journey through a millisecond of your thoughts- so quick, but with so much more to be explored/pondered. You put into words what those of us with overactive minds experience and it actually makes sense! You captured the point behind the economy of words-remembering that they are a gift. The imagery and vivid descriptions are fantastic!

[Meet Lola, The Better H..]

This is amazing. Very descriptive, yet at the same time you leave enough out not to be baby feeding the poem to people if that makes sence ^.^ i loved this. The dreamer wanting nothing but to dream and be taken away yet every minute, everyone as well, always pulls him back from the dreams.... this is amazing. great job!

[O!]

You write brilliantly!!.......u have such a GREAT imagination.......the way u describe everything....i just love!!!.......and u also write about stuff so deep!!.........i do have to read u twice or thrice though...but its me! :-P......."No, it doesn't take much".......ure right about that....its an inspiring line......also one that could push u to do what u want to or have to.......Please keep writing!Thank you.........btw ure superb with ur use of punctuation!!!!!!O! :-)