13. 09. 09

ONE

 

en masse, people make no sense

and too much noise

the individual is devoured

in a gulp of instinct

mutated through lack of use

 

recording the moment

because living in it

is out of fashion

for now

for ever [?]

 

the purpose we no longer have

ceases to bother a species

building itself out of existence

 

and the words don’t matter

so long as the beat invokes

                                violence

 

the hunted, the hunter

                                we gather evolutionary standstill

                                and stick it on a T-shirt

 

why can I taste bullshit

                in my mouth?

 

what was once beautiful

has become ugly

by being too pretty

                                and its death vibrates beneath our feet

 

it isn’t hard to write an anthem

but reality is less than catchy

and doesn’t sell magazines

 

                           …except The Big Issue

 

 

TWO

 

we all cringe inwards

too afraid to talk to one another

but what’s the worst that could happen

outright rejection �" did it hurt from the womb?

only the hippie kids are wide open

because their parents instilled confidence

just by listening, just by acceptance

or maybe it’s the clothes they were forced to wear

first day of primary school

shrugging off hand-knitted multi-colours

from there the only way is up up up

like an escapee helium balloon

 

oh the crowd

I want to throw myself at their feet

and mercy

screaming

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

just to see what the reply might be

except I know what would happen

they’d judge me for everything I am not

and sneer at everything I am

because ugliness has been branded

and surrounded by boundaries

they’d say I’ve taken it a high wall too far

but all those people who claimed to feel the same way

where are they?

here with their friends

encircled by yet another electric fence:

that of social hierarchy

 

how quickly the happy couple forgets

twinned into a single entity

how sure they were to die lonely

how they had to glug their way to smiles

they smugly embrace

oblivious, lace fingers

and sway together

through this

the longest night

 

Author's Note

Written whilst standing in the crowd for the Kerrang stage area at Birmingham Arts Fest. Concerts and large crowds depress me [I was there because my friend's younger brother wanted to go].
NB: this is maybe another thing I meant by honesty - I wrote it whilst happy-go-lucky pseudo-punk songs were deafening me and it was hard to struggle against the current and say what I actually wanted to, rather than lapsing into choruses and stuff, but I pretty much made it.
Determined honesty...

Reviews

[Dezaraye]

I seriously just want to copy this poem into my review and write, "AMEN" at the end of EVERY stanza.

I hate crowds ... people are this way. There are a handful (many writers here fall into this latter category) of people in the world who are genuine, caring, and supportive individuals. People ARE too loud. Why need them and yet we don't. I wish that people were their true selves. I think that it would make the world a much better, safer place. However, we listen to society and we bend and shape ourselves to fit in. Some, such as I, are always unable to conform and the world for them is gray.

[Nicholas Hallows]

'ONE' struck a chord with me; the first two stanza especially. I experienced similar feelings last night. I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to write a poem about the zombie-like, instinctual effect of music on crowds of people (after reading this maybe I'll give it another go). I'm always amazed that people seem happier to watch/listen to music through the lens of their camera phone rather than through their own ears and eyes. An interesting and intelligently written piece. NH

[V.B.]

This is fantastic. It's blunt trauma by verbiage.

"and the words don’t matter so long as the beat invokes violence" was my favorite line, I think, but it wasn't easy to pick. You've got a real penchant for shining a spotlight on the bullshit we peddle in our daily lives, and it's always refreshing to look at it from the outside. Nice work, and be sure to say hello to Baloo for me.

[Invisible Ink]

it looks like the computer didn't leave spaces where I typed them, so my review might be difficult to read

[Invisible Ink]

is the title the date of the concert?

[Invisible Ink]

Maybe I am out of the loop or missing something, but I wanted to know the significance of the title? I even googled it but didn't get anywhere. I do get the subtitles and think that's great, and thinking, is there a THREE (my husband and I just had a baby, making us 3, of course).

Great lines in here, lots of little hidden surprises and things to wrap the tongue and mind around. Very nicely written and well crafted in word choice and form. Parts made me laugh, shiver (last stanza), sigh, nod and think. I especially loved these lines although they were only so powerful because of the lines/words supporting them...

the individual is devoured I think mob mentality
in a gulp of instinct all our animal instincts devoured
mutated through lack of use love this word choice!
YES yes yes!
recording the moment
because living in it this made me laugh because I am taking so many
is out of fashion pictures and videos of my baby, I want to
remember everything and memory is so fickle,
but, she does FORCE me to live in the moment!
something I could never do before

building itself out of existence YES!

outright rejection " did it hurt from the womb?
- GREAT! Having just had the experience of natural childbirth and
being upset that our society tells women they aren't capable of
doing this completely natural process themselves but need
drugs and interventions, when it isn't best for mama or baby
What's going on with the punctuation in this line?

only the hippie kids are wide open
because their parents instilled confidence
just by listening, just by acceptance very nice observation
or maybe it’s the clothes they were forced to wear
first day of primary school - this made me laugh, having been one!
shrugging off hand-knitted multi-colours
from there the only way is up up up
- I think that is because the idea of what "up" is - not money or power

This poem made me yearn and think, why can't I write like this?

[aponijose]

Personally, I find it amazing how people can cram so close to each other, act as though they are all parts of a multi-headed single minded behemoth and still be miles away from each other. I'm afraid that there is always a portion of us that is alone. And no matter how hard we try to tear down the walls with things like religion, politics, high school, etc to allow that part to join something else, we cannot. The attempt itself, in my opinion, is futile. Sometimes, it is also at the expense of some things that are more important.

Anyway, it was nice to read the way you exhale. =)

[Desert Dreamer]

This writing is deep and wonderful, so many truths, ONE is absolutely amazing, almost every line made me stop to think and ponder.

[deeps]

they’d judge me for everything I am not
and sneer at everything I am

I can really feel these two lines here, I have been down that road a time or two. I can't stand people like that who sits and judge and talk. I like this. Also your write as a whole is pretty amazing.

[Solst Rapture]

Very good to come back and be sobered by your sharp and admirable perspective.

[Brett Campaigne]

Every line was a treat to read... 'we all cringe inwards' drops multiple images and emotions alone.

thank you for your corrections on my poem, by the way.