Dear god

Dear god

 

                I don’t believe in you but maybe my uncle did because he got scared of dying in his final weeks and a friend sent him to you – well, to one of your representatives here on earth: a frowning catholic priest with his sold-out concert power; he’d say something and the room repeated it right back at him in zombie intonations that creeped me right the f**k out [I don’t like concerts either so don’t take it personally]. This priest, this man who gets diarrhea same as anybody else, claimed to have the solution, to know what my uncle needed, after a 45-minute conversation. Christ. He needed christ, this priest said, that’s all. I was so angry I wanted to leap from the pews and beat his smug face in. He hinted at some big secret that my uncle was worried about and it seemed the only comfort offered was in you and jesus. Did he tell the thing I wish he could have told me? And exactly how would he have been soothed regarding his mortal sin by this ritualistic arsehole?

You and yours ruined my hope for funeral peace.

 

Dear god

 

                I know you don’t exist but what I don’t know is how you manage to f**k everything up for us down here. You are the root of all evil; it all leads back to you.

I’m sick of living amongst the insane who aren’t allowed to be called insane, whose beliefs require careful handling; the feather-touch of respect dressed in untouchable gloves - who continue to deny my disbelief the same courtesy because to admit to a single doubt would be like inviting all the cracks in heavenly concepts to descend upon their closed minds. I’m sick of people dying in your name. I’m sick of my ignorance making the Middle East resemble a crazy kitten-pounced tangle, and each time I try to retrace the threads, there you are in some form, dancing us all a merry jig, evading detection when human error provides distraction.

 

Author's Note

Saving this here temporaily before I work on it, so don't feel like you should review it or anything.
The lowercases are disrespectfully deliberate, yes.
Any suggestions welcome - it's not flowing as smoothly as it did when I first started thinking about it, but I had to cool off before trying to write it. Maybe that was a mistake.
Thanks.

Reviews

[holly]

I feel compelled to say something, and want to say something but can't find the words. Your loss was profound and your lines crackle with anger and desire, desire to throw that anger at God (sorry, I'm a believer), desire to wrench the misused power of God out of the cruel, thoughtless hands of His supposed servants. You are a powerful writer and slamming your words onto the crumbling edifice of religion can only do both of you good. These piece is beyond liking or disliking. It is an aspect of you and can only be accepted.

[Gandré]

I found your text amusing and true and thought about voltaire somehow who also offered criticism humorously, and this was filled with clever suprises and thouroughtly an entertaining amusement. " And exactly how would he have been soothed regarding his mortal sin by this ritualistic arsehole? " -----I adored this, modern, English, marvelously sophisticated humor. I love to read what amuses me and makes me suprised. this did.

Hello there, I thank you for your review with raffinesse, it was very interesting to see that you found this tocata fuga piece in the same speaking from out and inside to you.. You must be a profi, I sense, however I adored this review. I was .... smiling, for you liked that line what i was so very insecure about...I had to create this line for I wanted to have stanzas with 12 or (8?) lines.. However. when you say it s good then I feel now secure about it. thx for your kindness.

[Andrew Dunham]

Ha! Brilliant. I love it like this. Allah be praised and peace be upon you. Religions are clearly a super filtered dilution of some original spark, loaded with human intention, therefore the priest brought all his pain with him. Best stay away from them. Control, control, control. Does anyone ever stop and consider that the leader of this priestly religion is the head of a global banking empire, lives in a palace with a private army and has more than a billion people hoodwinked? Don't believe the hype. They are more scared about the moment than any one else.

[PianoandPage]

a good start for sure. nice and bitter. just how i like it!

you pull out some great images. the middle east being a kitten pounced tangle was a particular favorite.

although i disagree that "god" him(her)self is responsible i do fully blame religion. religion is extreme. how is it not spiritual stalking? if god was corporeal there would be a restraining order against all organized religions. i swear.

"but you MUST love me god... see! i killed this (infidel, abortionist, gay, terrorist, jew, muslim, sinner) for you."

*vomit*

[Ken Simm.]

Straight for God's jugular. I like it.

[Tamme]

I do like this very much. I love it when people call out things that are not what others pretend them to be... If that makes any sense. People tend to have superficial pretty world outlook on religon and turn a blind eye to what is so very obviously messed up about it.

It's very passionate and maybe you shouldn't have taken time to cool off. Write while you're on fire and come back and polish it later. I look forward to seeing more to this.

[Damien Dsoul]

I wonder, have you been to my country before, C.? The chances that you ever have are slim, yes, I know. But if you could vent so much outrage as you have, especially in that first verse, talking about the pastor with the sold-out concert of healling ... and the zombie-like congregation, then chances are you've been to my country before, or atleast to my side of the world where folks take their religon as close to their chest as they would their son's lives.

[W.k.kortas]

I would echo much of what Em says; it is direct, honest, and if it's angry...well, I can't see where that requires an apology in this case. If anything, smoothing it out (as it were) would rob the piece of much of the raw emotion that is its greatest strength.

[zig]

yeah, i like this. funny i was just havinf a conversation with a friends of mine on this, the difference between religion and spirituality. the differences and relationships between sheep and shepards and wolves... shepards in particular, are not that different than wolves. and good shepards take "care" of their flock, protect them and keep them together... so that they call staugther them, eat them in the summer and wear them in the winter. shepards are really no different from wolves, just a little more dishonest. very well said my friend. when you up date this let know, definitly worth revising. zig

[Nik Dendera]

I echo the other two comments.
To me, religion is like this safety blanket people have to have. Its this comforting thing that keeps the fear of the unknown at bay. Death is the Big Unknown, so to turn to religion isn't surprising. I didn't when I was on death's door, but I've always believed in nothing. Some say that makes me unfeeling and cold. I just look at is not wasting the little time I have on earth before I become worm food. 'Cause, when you think about it, thats how we all end up.
Sorry, thats probably a bit harsh considering the recent events in your life. I don't mean it in a bad way. Its just how I see it.

The last part seems more vicious. You could have written it whilst angry, then maybe edited it. I can feel the anger-"whose beliefs require careful handling; the feather-touch of respect dressed in untouchable gloves." That is an amazing line. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with that.
The first part seems almost like you're trying to restrain your feelings. You might not have been, but thats what I felt.
You could be more brutal. Of course, I know you'd do it with style.
Better end there. This is quickly turning into an essay...

[Emily B]

There is no mistake. It is what it is and doesn't pretend to be anything else. Seems pretty complete and whole to me.

Seems like when we get ready to die the Religions love to step in and tell us all about the things they can't even know. . . makes them feel better, I guess.

Leave it the way it is. It's fine.