Blowssuck

All the songs are ruined now,

each verse a lesson

in bitterness;

each chorus a cracked throat,

the heart's betrayal

of principles.

And you, you are gone

with the wind instrument.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. Cheers.

Reviews

[eli mercuree rue]

does that mean you are free?

scoreeeeeeeeee..

kidding

trying to remember how to review

i think this has been said
before somewhere in some
book i expected you
to say it more intelligently
minus the excess oh vulnerability

but that's what heartbreak brings

we are turning into softies

lol


i think the title

is

wrong
for this

blow
suck

throw up

more like it

ha

anti-sonnet
hahahaha

highlight of my day


i cya

[Emily B]

I had to read it again. And then the last line "Gone with the Wind" minus the instrument brought back all sorts of famous lines from that old Scarlett O'Hara story. . .

[PianoandPage]

"each chorus a cracked throat" - wow. just wow. ok so obviously this hits me because of the musical metaphors and crack-shot alliteration but. but.

the sense that a chorus by it's nature is a climax, an exuberant rise, an identifier... and that she has transformed it into a stutter, a cracked voice, a loss of identity and communication.

you say all of this and more with just that one line.

amazing my friend.

[Wolfwind Words]

I liked it! Though the last line threw me. I'm not sure how leaving with a wind instrument would effect the images of the line above. Unless it's an analogy for the person leaving being an air head; Good ridence. That type of idea???

Over all I got the image of a situation that went afoul, the lessons were bittersweet, thus painful. The cracked throat reminded me of someone yelling to much an or dry out of fear. The "Heart's betrayal" spoke of a person of different moral beliefs or values when it came to emotions.

I liked it! It made me think :)

Infinity's Shadow

[Susan S.]

I actually thought that was going to be longer. Hmmm. I don't get the "instrument" part of "gone with the wind instrument".

My overall impression is favorable, even if I don't quite understand the thrust of the poem. Certainly the title doesn't help. It has a completely different "vibe" from the poem. The last line rings wrong too.

[robin]

Not cheery enough...revealing enough and reflective like a boot to the bollocks! Your voice cracks because the other is the "wind instrument"...very Zen confessional, like a Koan. Great stuff as usual.

[TL Boehm]

each chorus a cracked throat....that line specifically jumps out at me. I have a soft spot for music - so the metaphor here touched me personally -but even if I didn't have that connection - the poem is still strongly written.

[mick weller]

`...with the wind instrument`

well nasty! - Nice
there *will* be other songs ...
is all I can say

`the heart's betrayal` (here I saw: each line a heart's betrayal) and would lose one `the`
nice the way the tempo seems to `wrap up` the piece at the end - last two lines - maybe the full stop helps before
neat piece - feels like `tearing up`

[Hedra Helix]

I think its pretty dude. Sad and genuine in its sadness for sure but undeniably well crafter too and pretty
yep reared it every word necessary and vital. i love it.

[W.k.kortas]

Has the feel (if not the structure) of a sonnet, or perhaps an anti-sonnet. It's spare in the best sense of the word. A worthy piece of writing.