"Life's a..."

and then you die

 

'cause that mean doggie

done turned tail

and bit you

right in the buttocks

gnawing her way

through to your heart

and spat it out at your feet

 

good girl

 

you said

'cause honesty is of utmost importance

and she's harmless really

 

didn't mean nothing by it

 

except to remind you

of how less than nothing you are

like we could pick up zero

piss on the mud

dig a little deeper

and there you are

crouching in the negatives

 

like a mouse in the bat cave

 

they can sense your whimpers

makes 'em hungry

sends 'em all a-flutter

like ding ding lunch is ready

but they'll only play with you

until they find something better

 

'cause you're nothing...remember?

Reviews

[F. Nazarov]

It's all just really fucked. Life is strange and has too many
a*s bites that aren't mentioned. It's frustrating, but I think that
even the people who are something to someone are nothing
to the next so maybe we are all just nothing in some strange way?
What's really fucked up is that most of time time, those a*s bites
are sort of our own fault.

[Muddy B.]

IT'S FUNNY
HOW WE ALL HAVE
DIFFERENT OUTLOOKS ON LIFE
AND WELL YOUR'S IS SENSIBLE
AND UNDERSTANDIBLE
AND AS F'D UP S IT IS
THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON
AND WE JUST GOTTA HOPE FOR THE BEST
BUT ALL IN ALL
THIS WAS A GREAT WRITE
KEPT ME INTERESTED
THE ENTIRE TIME

[Emily Rose]

Ouch, that one cuts deep. I'm reminded of elementary school kids being shunned by their peers on the playground - the kind of kids that grow up to bring guns to school to remind them that they have as much power as they have bullets in the chamber... but maybe I'm misinterpreting. Parts of it seem to be a "big picture" poem too - how like specks we are in a vast universe. I love how you tie the dog in to the title and through the rest of the poem, too - suddenly the animal has more power than the human. A creepy thought, especially since it's truer than most of us would like to think. Great job as always - I can always count on you to get me thinking :-)

[Dr. S. D. Blankenship D..]

Hello, This was a "weird" poem? Nevertheless it was a good straight to the point poem.

[KAREN BROWN]

The writting was great.It seems like theres a lot of angre behind it though,and I believe everyone is something even when you said they find something better.True for a dog when it comes to food or toy. As far as people not always.I really did enjoy the poem thanks for sharing it with me.

[JR]

I like how you used the title as the lead-in to the poem� too often the title is a separate entity, and I think that gives the poem momentum. It's like you're off and running right from the start, rather than at the end of the first stanza, as in a lot of works.

The metaphor you've chosen to run with is pretty mundane, but you've punched it up and taken it to a whole new level. That's fantastic writing� usually if you start with a clich�, you end with a clich�, and you stayed away from that. While the tone is pretty f*****g negative, the message is delivered with punch and intense images:

"dig a little deeper
and there you are
crouching in the negatives"

That's just bad a*s, man. I will be thinking of that line for the rest of the day now�

Who's the "they" of the final stanza? I think that really through me. This is a second-person address through most of it, a "you," referring to life as a "she" (which says a lot in and of itself, man). But then we have a sudden "they," and I can't figure out where that came from. Who is the "they?" In order for them to have importance and contribute, they must be identified in some way. Show an entrance, man� a pack, maybe, showing that life isn't really a b***h, it's a whole cluster of b*****s, dig? Or a pack of wild dogs. Something. But don't just throw in a sudden, random "they." It confuses the readers from what is otherwise a very fast-paced, very definitive poem.

Oh, and the vernacular works. You've kept it consistent throughout, and it fits the subject and the initial clich� very well. Nice work.

[Nik Dendera]

Wicked. Rather lyrical to me, had that kind of feel to it. For some reason, I'm hearing a blue's guitar...

Anyway, great piece. Bleak, but not so bleak it lacks creativeness. It has a pizazz about it, some sort of spiteful spark. And I like it! Great last line, like an extra kick in the head just for good measure.

I'm with some below, it has to be said, I don't feel you were holding back that much, but you could have really gone to the extreme. That could either have worked, or not, you never know. But whats here is great, so hey!

[Ellie W. Montreal]

Oh, the bitter feeling of empty-ness & being ignored is overwhelming, isn't it?
I like how you used the metaphor of animals for our nieve yet cruel ways..
It reminds me just of how much I amount to in some peoples' eyes. :/
Good work.

[O!]

dunno why...but it seems like u were holding back in this poem.....at the same time, it's art if ure able to do so....so applaud for that....hmmm...i wonder where this came from...

tc.

x,
O!

[October]

I like this.
It had a dark feel to it.
And a I kind of matter-of-fact tone.

Thanks for sharing.