Skin and Blister

[cockney-rhyming-slang for 'sister']

She lies to guys;

says ‘Mel’ stands for

Melancholy,

when really

it’s just Melanie.

 

A catalyst

for her own

destructive side,

because self-implosion

is one hell of a ride

and gains you pity

from passers-by.

 

Hoarding up symptoms;

dishing them out

like tragic stories,

when really

the problem,

cause and effect

is Melanie.

 

And I get scared,

because sometimes

I recognise

elements of me

in this behaviour.

 

 

Author's Note

Doesn't get more painfully honest than this crap, right?
Names have been changed to protect the 'innocent'.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

I agree with both below, and I also like how the flow went and switched in the middle it seemed and the end was entirely a different mechanism of smoothness, but that the bluntness kept the thread strong.
crazy isnt it wen you see your own faults in another person? especially when you realize that those are the things that bug ya most about them....hah, obviously I am familiar with what you speak of. Ahhh life.

awesome first stanza btw. I dig how naming "her" so quickly really cemented my investment in what would be revealed next.

I can't explain what it is I like about it but just the way you said
"And I get scared,
because sometimes
I recognise
elements of me
in this behaviour"
It's just really powerful. I like the fact that it kind of explains how lots of people think.

Good write!!

[Shemena Campbell]

Ya, I think there's a little of "Melanie" in all of us. I like the third stanza:

Hoarding up symptoms;
(I had an image of a woman grasping at over-ripe fruit)

dishing them out
(so naturally, this seemed right and made me smile)

like tragic stories,
(mental illness as "tied to the tracks" melodrama, which only serves to diminish or parody.)

when really

the problem,

cause and effect

is Melanie.

(I can hear your voice, and it sounds grounded and conversational, like you're sitting on a barstool, talking to a friend - very nice contrast to the first half of the stanza.)

Well done.

S.

[W.k.kortas]

Direct and very well crafted. As the prior review notes, the flow is excellent, which only adds to aid the directness of the narrative, and the lines are as short and sharp as the message. A very nice piece of work.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

yepyepyep wootwoot for honesty :) this is fantastic

'when really

the problem,

cause and effect

is Melanie."

the characterization, straight from the beginning, was just brilliant.

the flow went well, and the blunt honesty was just great poetry
hugs