The Plunge

We pledged openness

And we’ll probably regret that

Because to be wide open

Is to let in the draught

Is to let in the wind

Destructive hurricanes tearing down barriers

And I know I said it’s what I wanted

But at the end of the day

We both know the barriers are up for a reason

Since neither of us are keen on people in general

And I may not like to admit it

But I am human

 

We don’t like humans

And I’m human

 

You’re human too

And you say you’re a s**t

Which I don’t believe

But in the back of my head

I guess I know it’s true

Because I’m a s**t too

The fact that you think I’m close to

One hundred percent goodness

Only serves to highlight my fears

That you don’t know me

And you can’t ever be allowed to know me

Because the only who’s

Even near to knowing me is me

And I hate me

 

I hope you see my logic here

 

I think I mean it when I’m calling

For universal honesty

I’d like to know each and every mind

That passes me in the street

But the point is

That it wouldn’t destroy anything

Because I didn’t know them to start with

Whereas what we have

I know and like

And am comforted by

 

The problem is

That if we both stay hiding

Ducking down between the barricades

Instead of leap-frogging the boundaries

Then what we have is based on nothing

And how stable would something be

With nothing as its foundation

 

The problem is

That I’m selling us out

By selling out to protect us

 

The problem is

That you’re a serial liar

And I’m a hesitant talker

 

The problem is

That we don’t know where to start

Having been trained from birth

To do the opposite

 

Never show your feelings

Never share your thoughts

Never trust anyone

Never love anyone

Especially not yourself

 

Well none of that’s our fault I guess

But we’re stuck unpicking knots

Which have corseted our tongues

For twenty one and two years

 

I think it’s worth the risk

To nurture something

Everyone else says they aspire to

But never get around to fixing

 

We can definitely relate

To how life gets in the way

But the mundane should be put aside

Because the more that we delay

The harder it will get

 

Solidifying like frying pan grease

Like conventional disapproval

Like a mutual resentment

A bigoted opinion

And other disgusting stuff

 

Seriously, I’m in

And not just saying it

To appease you

Tease you or please you

 

But

 

Because

I love you

 

And I love us

 

And will no matter what

 

Author's Note

Yeah, I typed and posted straight off before I deleted it. Sometimes crap like this grows on me, simply for its honesty. Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

It is honest, and that--as well as the truthfulness of the insights you present--is the strength of the piece. It is, as something that comes straight from the keyboard will be, very straight-forward, though not to the point of being problematical or truly detracting from the piece, and it would not be diminshed with some judicious sanding and varnishing. That being said, it's honest and powerful writing, which is of greater value than a pretty set piece. Even without any further revision, it's pretty impressive work.

[Gary H]

This is great, like stealing the thoughts from someones head, reading them and thinking how complicated their existence is. The way the mind works I can see the start being the weather as seen, matched with feelings of a life with someone, then getting more indepth into deep deep maybe procrastinating thinking before arriving at a simplistic 'I love you' at the end. If only everyone could see what goes on to form those three words - and now you have revealed all to us!

[Emily B]

This is absolutely awesome. Truth from the heart. We have to do that sometimes, you know. Don't ever, ever delete this. It's evidence of a knot undone.

[Hedra Helix]

the first part is the strongest to me. though the entire thing is lucid and moves and makes me at moments think you know me too well as yourself? Does that make sense or should I never again comment at 4 in the morning....;)
the begining sadly enough seems the realest. it made me reflect vividly upon my own feelings, the parts of myself that i hide or have to work not to hide. this made me forget at parts that weve just met. I forgot who was writing for a moment because I could identify moments of my life snugly in what you were saying.
its raw. its real, it hits, espec in the beginning and its strong.

Id tell you more, specifically, but its 4 in the morning;) I should sign off before I spin out...

[eli mercuree rue]

ah
i like this

and you should say it or give it
or place it somewhere to be found

because you are right

barriers are needed limits must be set
laws abided
or else the relationship will become complete anarchy

like
sperm searching for
an egg

only one can get in

unless by some miracle that
egg is a little slow
in self protection
and another jabs its f*****g head in


and makes a mess of a zygote
leaving
abortion as the only answer

and im only using conception
analogies or similies [can't remember how this started]
because i suppose love is
a concept upon which contraceptives
can deminish

or something like that

don't delete this

or uh
uh
I'll call the girl police