Key Demolition

“Even a brick wants to be something,”

he said;

supposedly a metaphor

for human aspiration,

 

but the underlying limitations

paralyse with horror

when the concept is examined.

 

An indecent proposal?

Well, yes, it is,

 

for a solitary brick is nothing

but a weapon or stumbling block;

 

a brick alone

can only result in negatives.

 

Paradoxically, to achieve greatness,

the brick must devolve itself of ambition

and be content

with where it is placed

 

in a lottery system whereby

some reach dizzying heights

while others shoulder the burden,

out of sight in the basement �"

 

condescendingly referred to as the foundation.

 

It must blend in,

shoulder-to-shoulder

with the faceless.

 

Uniformed.

 

Only flaws offer status �"

to be chipped, weathered

or thoughtlessly marred

will regain the individualism

sacrificed

for the good of the majority �"

 

but if these imperfections are shown

before completion,

the brick risks being cast out

from the project altogether.

 

Better not to be noticed.

Keep perfectly still

and silent.

 

No wonder some break out,

to soar headfirst into the delight

of smashing glass and bone;

sole accomplishment,

success and recognition,

 

the alternative being

 

 

 l a y e r        u p o n

 

           l a y e r

 

 o f                s t u r d y

 

     f e u d a l i s m.

 

 

"Even a brick wants to be something."

 

Uttered in

an oft-referenced 'classic',

somehow

escaping analysis.

  

 

 

America, maybe you are more Communist than you admit.

 

 

Author's Note

Mum wanted to watch 'An Indecent Proposal' even though she'd missed the first half. She'd seen it before, I hadn't - no idea what was going on ["So who's that?" "Ssshhh."]
These thoughts are all I took away from it.

It's going to need work. Let me know if you have ideas for where to start.
Thanks.

Reviews

[Alessander]

People with suits cause and clean up all the mess lol political poems are HARD to do because they always divide the reader: one nods, while the other frowns. Anyhow, I really like how you visually put 'layer upon layer' reminded me of Pink Floyds "the wall" as a matter of fact, this whole poem does. The ending is a bit abrupt too, for some reason, but I like it. Let's see: social security, unions, financial regulations (albeit horrendous), healthcare (maybe) the end of child labor or the 16hour work day...all originally communist initiatives, so ya, the US is def a half-assed communist society lol ok, that was more of reaction than a critique, but I'm allowed one every blue moon.

[Damien Dsoul]

There you go again, as I said earlier: your style of writing has changed. Here you begin with the same didactic, pragmatic, distant tone of voice. but just as you do with others, your attention to detail is so very vivid. You're more or less like a sculture, slowly taking your time with each layer of brick till revealing the true picture underneath: a sarcastic blend of reality mixed with dark humour. That last line at least bears witness to my words.

[zig]

very nicely done, again the strong voice, i really liked your layers and layers of brick-ness. very thought provoking. i would have to argue with recognition being the only acomplishment of "breaking loose". my personal experience tells me different. i work for myself, own my own business, and while i make less money then i would worjing for a large company, a collective, have no health care and barely getting by, im much happier.. cause i can be myself. breaking away from the norm often results in the opposite of recognition.

as far as america being more communist than it claims, ive been think that for years. to me, there is nothing more communist than a corporation... welcome to the incorporated states of walmart, land of the drones.

sorry about all the commontary, like i said this is a very thought provoking piece, wonderful to read. zig

[W.k.kortas]

The central metaphor--the idea of a solitary brick being nothing on it's own, and the comparison of perfection and imperfection--is wonderful, and you handle it, by and large, deftly and skilfully. There are points--specifically, the sixth stanza and the last three stanzas--where you're being a bit too straight-ahead and in-your-face; rather than letting the reader discover the ideas for himself, you're hitting us a bit around the head and shoulders with your message. The piece is, by and large, wonderful--and it's quite good as it stands--but I think if you come at your audience a bit more obliquely and indirectly in the spots I mentioned, I think you may have something truly special here.

[Cassandra]

I never saw 'an indecent proposal' :) but I REALLY like this as it is. Great concept from just a brick, great title. I love all the metaphors in this, very insightful. I like how you compare the bricks to people giving them personalities, desire for individualism. Some bricks want to break out and become the rebels , but those are the ones that fail to realize how important it is to be part of a structure on the whole, but you debate this idea the whole way through. I really really like the last lines "layer upon layer of sturdy feudalism.. more Communist than you admit" It spun the poem 360 for me and I had to re-read it twice and mill over my stupid country...and yeh.. we kinda are ;) I think this is great "No wonder some break out to soar into the delight of smashing glass and bone" -- FANTASTIC line. Great language used in this too ..