Interpreting Sighs

I can wreck existential conversation

Chasing after the innuendoes,

Like flight patterns of butterflies

 

The difference between us, my friend,

Is that I’ve spent time learning

My weaknesses by rote

 

Tightening the cords of self-restraint

After each experience revelation,

In my attempts to be a better person

 

While it may be depressingly futile,

I like to think I might exit this world

Wearing a wise smile

 

Author's Note

Too simplistic?
Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

I don't think "simplistic" is the right word--you're not doing yourself justice. There are a couple of spots where the metaphor is a bit too straight-ahead, e.g., the final line of the first stanza and the last stanza--but the central conceit is very nice, and the flow and pacing is quite good indeed. This is, at the very least, nicely conceived and executed as it stands, and it has the potential to be something special indeed.

[Angel Bird]

This is a wonderful poetic and philosophic piece. It is quite thought provoking, and profound!
I can find nothing simplistic in it! It says much more than the words themselves it contains, so I find this to be a great work!

[logmein]

Simple is good when expressing wisdom. Helps all of us looking for it find it quicker. Great piece.

[Nik'aule]

Not too simplistic. There is much wisdom crammed into this tiny piece. It's the perfect length for the message and I love the opening lines...

I can wreck existential conversation

Chasing after the innuendoes,

Like flight patterns of butterflies

Sounds like you're talking to a friend who is always trying to, "sound deep", whereas you're living life and actually gaining wisdom.

[Lyra H]

Simplicity is good, it's shows how easy it is for something to be amazing.

[Hedra Helix]

nope, wisdom usually boils down to the simple, starting from that rightous place and outward.

reflective of the ideals of us all I think when we choose to try.

dope 1st & 3rd stanza espec IMHO

[James Horsley]

Pursuit of knowledge, shaping yourself, and not becoming caught up in looking good, so much as focusing on BEING great. Excellent message. Although that's only my interpretation.

I like the simplicity; you'd lose the effectiveness of the piece if you tried to sugar it up.

[Wolfwind Words]

I think it was well done! You have delivered a true statement in my opinion, and done so with elegance and grace of perfect word choices. The third stanza is my favorite, as it can relate to so much in life's struggles, and how in the end it's all learning lessons we gain wisdom from.
Great Write! :)

[Rain]

I thought it was more complex..not sure what "rote" means, but found the piece as a whole interesting. Rain..

[Travis Lawrence]

I don't think it's too simple at all. By the way it's ironic that you used "simplistic" instead of simple haha ;-)

"Like flight patterns of butterflies" -- beautiful line of poetry.

I love the upbeat ending, how you know the difficulty but open it with wide arms and optimism that you will one day arrive. Great write!

Have a nice day!

[Damien Dsoul]

Damn, you sure don't like leaving much behind, do you? The way you stamp your feet with your assertive tone in this poem is very much evident, never mind the wittiness in your lines. That first verse feels a lot like KRS-ONE spitting rhymes of self-wisdom on a mic.