Low Note

Life

is like listening

to a changeable song,

the meaning of which

you can only guess at,

and debate heatedly

at small tables

in those early, whisky-bleared hours

while smouldering corpses fill

the shallow glass murk

of an overcrowded cemetery.

 

Author's Note

It's murmuring and intense in my head, but is that the mood it created for you, or did I miss a beat?
Do the metaphors work ok?
Thanks.

Reviews

[aponijose]

So true. I know that this may be out of point but, this reminds me of the things I read on Youtube.

A couple of months ago, we were asked to do this assignment that required me to get some videos from that site and make a montage. Now most of the videos I had to get were that of soldiers during the war in Iraq. It was really heartbreaking when I read the comments that were written there. Whether some people were pro or against the war, it's really sad how some people could easily pass judgement and call something evil or how easily they could thinks so much less of the lives of others - Islam, Christian, whatever. And it somewhat pisses me of because people like us, we put so much care in the use of words... it's as if what we say could make or break the world... and these people, they just take it for granted (with such bad grammar by the way.) I guess it just tends to get to you when you think of how those soldiers from both sides would fell knowing that they are being talked about like this considering what they are going through.

(Sorry about that.)

Anyway, I like this piece because you were able to place such a powerful notion in such a small space. I wish I have the wisdom and the reserve it takes to do such deductions because seriously, I sometimes lose the scientific factor in my poetry. Not that I'm saying that yours is just full of it.

Personally, I think that it's a perfect balance of the art and science of words that makes it worth the read. It gets to you and gives you that degree of empathy and apathy along with thoughtful sense of urgency.

Good job.

[Emily B]

What we've lost in our modern world is the meaningful use of words. Only poets, it seems, take the time to consider the importance of each and every word in their writing. We worry and fret. We change everything around. We change the emphasis with punctuation and spacing. Each little set of letters has to justify it's place in the whole. We're tough like that.

Murmuring and intense is dead on what it is. The metaphors are perfect. Absolutely full of beat.

[F. Nazarov]

I think it's the type that has to be read slow in order to get the full effect.
The metaphors are fine, at least to me. I'm no English teacher, but I think the
poem is excellent and if they don't think so they can just go trip on a rock.