Dangerous Love

You're so small.

 

Cradling your delicate head in my arms,

I look into your inexperienced eyes

and envision your first steps;

rising with the aid

of a sticky-clutched table

and toddling towards me.

 

I see the first day of school;

you dashing across the playground

with two little plaits flying behind,

presenting masterpieces dripping with dried pasta

and tissue paper, which I proudly display on the fridge.

 

I imagine birthday parties;

candlelight reflected in your shining smile

as you lean over icing, surrounded by

bobbing balloons and enthusiastic verse.

 

I see my young high-achiever setting off for secondary school

 

…returning with tears drying on the collar

of your freshly-pressed blouse.

 

Maybe the others don't accept you.

Maybe I've failed to pass on any social or survival skills.

Maybe I forgot the pettiness of adolescents, and bought

you the wrong lunchbox or shoes or socks

or stationery set. That haircut was a mistake.

Maybe you'll hate me for what I didn't do.

Maybe you'll spend those later years sobbing in your room

because I failed you.

Maybe bullies will leave you bleeding on the floor of a toilet cubicle

because I failed you.

Maybe they'll drive you to take you own life;

maybe I'll drive you to take your own life,

what with the unexplained mood swings

and the hasty slaps

and before that there's the crying and the messes

and the exhaustion

and the crying

and the noise of that rattle's driving me crazy

and the messes

and the crying and

mummy I hate you

mummy are we there yet

mummy you're turning into grandma...

 

Ssshhh.

It doesn't have to be that way.

I can smother these thoughts with a soft pillow

and call it all to a halt.

 

Author's Note

Wrote this when I was fifteen. Let me know if it sucks.
Any suggestions for improvement appreciated. Thanks.

Reviews

[Bubo]

Not good!?
I thought it a very deep and fascinating read and bought home many issues a mother no doubt faces, although the end was like looking into the mind of someone suffering munchausen disorder.............so many emotions run through your words and bought home to me also how sometimes my girls must see me, god forbid i turn into my mother!
Fabulous in depth write, can't see anything needs changing at all.

[F. Nazarov]

Well, *ah-herm* sometimes children drive their mothers crazy.
I don't have child of my own (that would be rather strange)
but I can recall baby sitting and just wanting to *ahhhhhh f**k it**insert action*
to get the child to just shut up. Never would, I'm too nice and caring (oh geeze),
but that makes it so I could kind of relate.
Guess what?
It doesn't suck.
I look back on myself and hell,
I would leave myself crying in the dumpster.
Children are difficult, that's the point. As far as killing children,
I will give no opinion. I don't need people attacking me from both sides and
therefore chose to remain neutral.

[Lauren Xena Campbell]

Wow, what a marvellous write. It reaches out on so many leaves, the desperate parent wanting to do what right by there child, wanting to cradle and protect them but the realisation that they can't always be around to help. The worries of what that might bring. The joy of the child's successes, the happiness of having them in the world and yet there's that dread again. Great write. I don't have any children of my own but I do have lots of nephews and nieces, but one of them in particular, he is eight years old and lives just around the corner with my sister and I often worry about him. I think this is why I like this poem so much, why I could relate to it. I would had to think of my nephew, who I often see as a little brother, being tormented by bullies as I know he sometimes is. I know I would do just about anything for him and that's what I like about this writing. Sometimes good intentions turn out wrong, and embracing parents really do care, they might restrict your pocket money but there are always caring, always there. Well most parents are.

Anyway I'm rambling know- loved this poem it was a brilliant read!

[Anthony Morningstar]

Made me a laugh a little is that wrong?

It is a good write. But would I think not as good as what I'm used to if Dominick hadn't said anything well that doesn't matter cause now I can see the flaws.

It's irratiting in a way to have something that writen good when you were 15 and look at other people that are about that age and they want to read something of theirs and it doesn't really have that sort of depth.

The main parts that are different now with the stuff that you write now and maybe it's just me but usually I can look at it see it different ways and thats really fun for me to do or see. That's the difference in this sort of depth and the sort of depth that I see in the writing that you do now. So fortantly for you have improved since that time of 15. I might not be the only one to think that the best that I've ever written was done before I was 16. I know that's not true but it is irrating like Citzen Kane.

[Dominick]

I see the big difference in a younger you as apposed to the older you. It's different from your usual quality of work but the ending still leaves the reader remarkably surprised which I like. I do find it remarkable that these are the thoughts of a fifteen year old. It's a mature topic to be wondering at such a young age.

Maybe you'll spend those later years sobbing in your room
because I failed you.
Maybe bullies will leave you bleeding on the floor of a toilet cubicle
because I failed you.

It makes things seem monotonous reading at this point. Perhaps a change in the "because I failed you" part since we are already reading the word maybe over and over already. The sentence lengths are a bit chaotic making the read a bit choppy but once the pace is set in the readers mind then it flows ok. Overall it really needs very little work to fix the minor flaws. If you turn it to the side you have a standard bell curve.

"and call it all to a halt." The "thought" of your ending was terrific, since I've always loved changing the pace of literature to leave the reader in awe and bewildered as to where the literature took such a drastic turn. But the wording just seems to�simplistic, I guess for a lack of a better term. It's such a powerful ending but not quite giving us whiplash from the double take. Small little fixes can turn good into great. I enjoyed reading it and whatever you decide to change to make it better for you, which is all that truly matters, I'm sure will bring it back up to your standards.

I was going to write a typical review but it seems you're not looking for a pat on the back but some honest feedback on how to make it really jump out. Although in some cases, like my "A Prayer for Daddy" piece where I tried something new and it showed that I wasn't comfortable with going so far out of my realms but had no idea how to fix it. I too, have read some of my own works over and over trying to figure out what I can do to fix it. It can drive a person insane. Well, maybe just me.

[Lydia Shutter]

The intensity of the last stanza slaps the reader across the face! You wrote this at the age of fifteen? My goodness, that seems incredible to me! The depth of emotion in this is staggering! Perhaps about a teenage mother's worries after a child is born? Children do not come with an instruction manual and no matter what the age of the parent, the parent can and will make mistakes. However, love can erase a lot of them....if we are lucky. I found this perfect as it stands. Lydia

[Angelheaded Hipster]

Holy s**t.....I didn't see the second half coming at all.....It suddenly turned dark and foreboding out of nowhere....
I personally didn't see any flaws with it at all...The ending lines sent chills over my arms...I have a 2 yr old....and no matter how much he drives me crazy....I could never ever think of doing something like that...and when I hear it on the news....it's such a sad thing....

Ok kid....mission accomplished...you've got me rambling.

[Jenny Davis]

Wow, and you think this isn't good? It really IS powerful. It brings light to both sides, I think. Because whatever a parent does has a direct effect on the child. In this piece, the parent is over stressed and when does that NOT happen? A very deep piece, indeed. I wouldn't change this. :)

[Emily B]

oh, it starts out so calm and bright, happiness personified.

It descends into a pit of delusion and despair ever deeper and darker. The maybes pile up into an insurmountable mountain of doubt.

Those last four lines took my breath. There is nothing like the power of an adult over the life of a child. Your words worked perfectly to drive home that loss of control one feels in such a situation.

I don't know that you need to change a thing. . .