Torment

Trying out a viewpoint...

it rises up

 

this scenario

 

not poked

 

unbidden

 

just randomly flaring

 

like a distress signal

 

you and him

 

he has no face

 

but he’s good-looking

 

having conversations

 

like couples do

 

and I’m just a memory

 

from a few years ago

 

something to joke about

 

bringing you closer together

 

I remember one time, she…

 

it pains me so much

 

I almost grab for you

 

to ask whether

 

you’ve met him yet

 

 

 

does this mean I was lying

 

when I said your happiness

 

is all that matters?

 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Reviews

[F. Nazarov]

AGH, made me get all emotional.
S****y friggin s**t, I don't want to remember.
Give me a sec. If I close my eyes,
I can almost forget.
I liked it, if only it wasn't true.

does this mean I was lying
when I said your happiness
is all that matters?

It could have been a lie,
but maybe if the other party would return the favor,
the friggin problem wouldn't exist right now would it...

[zig]

"does this mean I was lying



when I said your happiness



is all that matters?"

yeah, thats powerful. the question of selflessness in love. what a mess, because love it selfish and selfless at the same time. very keen observation my friend. zig

[Raef C. Boylan]

Prophecy's a funny thing.

He has a face now.

[eli mercuree rue]

wow so you have

like the worst case of
denial and acceptance ever

wow


so uh reading to yourself how do you feel?


three lines are something to contemplate
alot

i like them

regardless of the situation

hmm yeah

[J. Araujo]

"having conversations
like couples do" yeah sounds a lot like my piece. relationships, you never know how they''ll end up. I like you poem, i think many people can relate

[TL Boehm]

wow - revealing moment - painful and truthful. this poem is right on target. the last three lines really carry clout...well done.

[M I N D Y]

d****t... that's me now. wondering. was i just a phase? i wonder if he's met the other yet. the one that will take my place. it's torment. you nailed it perfectly. the words flow like your speaking your thoughts aloud. you were lying... we all lie. we want them and we don't want to think that someone else is better for them than ourself.
love this poem... unfortunately... hahaha

[R J Askew]

I liked this a lot more than your preparing for death effort. I especially like the dirstress flare comparison. And you are right, none of us want to be phases, yet that's often what we end up as, specimens in someone else's dusty collecting box. I know I have a rusty pin through me in a certain collector's box.

[Brentley]

That was very good, the emotion behind it was very good, and I enjoyed it a lot. I hope that whatever comes in the end, that you will realize that there are phases for all, but they were never meant to be more than that, or more as a learning experience. I'm getting all sentimental, I know, but seriously, don't fret. Things like that happen all the time, you've done it to them, they to you.

[Dominick]

I've said the same "lie".

it rises up
this scenario
not bidden or poked
just randomly flaring
like a distress signal

Great description for the intro to a vision.

he has no face
but he's good-looking

Great perception of the dream state, whether it be dream or day.
As writers we sometimes say so much more with so much less. This is a great example of that.