This Is A Long-Distance Call

Immersed in eco-friendly bubbles,

listening to Paul Simon

and joining in with the low-note ballads,

I don’t realise I’m smiling until

I’m half-way through scrubbing

congealed crap off the cutlery;

it gets me thinking

about how carelessly credit is given

and blown up out of proportion,

 

‘cause I reckon Paul

could do more for peace

than Bob Dylan

if we gave him a chance –

and not jumpstart a generation

who sit surrounded by bongs

and stunted debate,

calling it revolution.

 

He got me smiling, singing about how

technology is killing us all.

 

Damn it, these are The Days of Miracle And Wonder

and sarcasm and humour

and making contact with our fellow humans at the press of a button

and breaking down over the sink, at a reminder

that you’re not alone in the things you think.

 

Sometimes music is pretty amazing.

 

Author's Note

The song referred to is on my playlist - 'The Boy In The Bubble'.
Any suggestions for improvement will be appreciated - is it too corny? Thanks.

Reviews

[zig]

hey, thanks for sharing this with me, sorry it has taken so long, been real bsy this weekend (owning a coffee shop it a 28 hour a day, 8 days week job, sometimes i really hate it) i like the casual flow, and i like your observation, we do seem to feel alone in our thoughts, so often we never get to hear the thpughts of others, except thu art, music poetry etc. as for bob dillan, well, i have no real beef with him, i like his music. i just dont think he was the voice of a generation, voice of the moment maybe, and how f*****g lazy is that! be your own voice, thats what i think. and the rest i explained in my poem... i think.

anyway, i like this, not corny at all. again sorry i havent read much lately. talk to ya later. zig

[Angelheaded Hipster]

Music is more than just sometimes amazing....I find it to be the greatest source of inspiration, and takes us to memories, to wishes and hopes...
I like Paul Simon, and one of my favorite songs is by Simon and Garfunkel...The Boxer....I don't know...there's just something in those lyrics....

I don't have any suggestions or qualms with this piece, as is the norm...I just come here to be taken away...

[Kacie]

I apprecciated the irony and sarcasm. Very interesting.
Maybe break up the first bit with some line breaks?
My only other thought for improving this would be to add more! Great read!

[PianoandPage]

and the line breaks. yes! you are so my b***h. j/k

[PianoandPage]

i would line break the first line into two.

"Immersed in eco-friendly bubbles,
listening to Paul Simon"

reads better to me.

however...
"congealed crap off the cutlery" - amazing use of alliteration there. i'm a sucker for great alliteration.

overall this was a great positive read and had me smiling. you captured a single moment, describing beautifully how music affects us, our emotions and our thoughts.

[Jake Svercek]

I like how you basically took existentialism and turned it inside out--the best and worst of our culture, none of it really matters. On another note, I may have a particular soft spot for music in poetry--poetry is music itself.

It sort of bothers me where you put your lines breaks--just personal opinion, but here:

"I don't realise I'm smiling
until I'm half-way through scrubbing"

is not as strong as

"I don't realise I'm smiling until
I'm half-way through scrubbing"

because both lines start with the subject. I've found that the first word in each line of poetry is particularly emphasised and have always used that to my advantage. It's just a thought, though.

Other than that, I can't offer much criticism. This is the sort of poem that has its strengths in flow, not structure, and the effect almost makes one...high.

[J]

I don't think I've listened to Paul Simon. I've heard of him. Isn't he one half of Simon and Garfunkel? Even so, my associations are slim... I think 70's and acoustic guitars, Jefferson Airplane type of stuff. Perhaps I should, after reading this poem.

Yes, music is amazing. It fills those lonely spots, makes you nod your head with every emotion known, and resonates on so many levels...

But, onto your piece. Yes, technology blows. It's essential, but we become slaves to them, worshipping them almost as false idols. But I've always thought that a true return to nature would be labour-intensive and not very profitable for those bigwigs concerned. In essence, I feel that this song that inspired you was perhaps talking about a utopian form of community, a return to only harvesting what you can eat, and not thinking about material one-upmanship and might. Will this ever happen? Only after we're reduced to sticks and bones after WWIII and its resultant nuclear fallout, I fear.

Humans are so stupid. I feel silly being one sometimes.
J

P.S. As for thoughts on where I think you could improve it? I feel like I'm missing something after "cutlery", like there should be a rhythmic image-type filler to plump out the sound (I'm thinking more euphony here--I already noticed your hard 'c' alliteration in this line; perhaps another would be overkill?). The other part which didn't seem to gel (probably due to the polysyllabic nature of the line, and also again, the way it sounds, is: "and not jumpstart a generation"... would changing this to "unlike this generation" change the meaning too much for you? The reason I offer this as an alternative is because it's less mouthy to say, and more rhythmic in general, I guess. That's all I can think of =)

[Bubo]

'cause I reckon Paul could do more for peace
than Bob Dylan
if we gave him a chance �

Very nice!
Music brings so many thoughts and emotions!
And yes, amazing what music makes us feel, this was a great read , almost lyrical in its tone,
and the end emotion that no, we are not alone on what we think although some days it can feel
like that!
I love your work, but you know that!

[Jenny Davis]

Yes, music is the link to everything, IMHO. I don't know where I'd be without it. I liked this, C. I thought it was very ironic and sarcastic but with a speck of hope anyway. I don't think there is anything I would change as this is YOUR work and should be kept the way you fashioned it...very cool :)