Life Sentence

They gave me life.

I’m looking at a stretch

of another forty years.

Sixty, if I display

good behaviour.

Could be eighty,

if I pack in the cigs

and find out some veteran secrets.

 

I run a hand idly along the bars.

 

They reverberate with memories

ghosts rattling chains

on leather adorned with locks that

Snap Crackle Pop

soggy cereal

is what wet leaves felt like underfoot

on the way to school

shoe shopping before air conditioning

was a widespread notion.

Do the locomotion with me.

Falling asleep at Discos

crisp packets sparkled magically

unlike flat rabbits disappearing at parties

where you were supposed to join in

 

and this could go on forever

because art galleries have no limits

when you’re the lone spectator.

Meandering

pondering

nonsensical pretension

masquerading as spontaneous intellect.

 

There are more ways to die than live

if you’re inventive.

Each day probably spawns another

new batch; galloping abreast technology

towards the black ribbon finish.

 

Slit wrists

Shark attack

Poisoning

Plane crash

Assassination

Stray bullet

Strangulation

O.D on tablets

Suffocation

Natural disaster

Lethal injection

Suicide bomber

Starvation

Gun misfire

Alien invasion

Stuck in freezer

Unattended infection

Collapsed tower

Electrocution

All types of cancer

Decapitation

Wrong answer

 

 

They gave me life.

I had no say in the matter.

 

Now I’m contemplating good behaviour.

 

Author's Note

This doesn't work as well as I'd like it to - any suggestions? Thanks.

Reviews

[lostintheworld]

so it's the sentence you think
that inspired the will to live
cuase that just doenst work for me in my head

cuase after she says that, she mentions good behavior
which lends us to assume she might be wanting out now

so are you sugessting murder gets her put in (and suicide like killing an alter ego or voice) and then she wants to be out cuase now she's free of those voices?

[lostintheworld]

oh yeah
and i'm left contemplating
why you have no say in the matter.
is the speaker complacent
the art thing?

[lostintheworld]

hmmm
if you're 21 now and you got sentenced to 40 more years then that would make you 61...
which is close to LE and I
score.
but why 40 years i wonder...something significant about hitting the 60's?

[Roxanne]

I like the idea, and I like the way that you brought them up I just don't think that flow together well. You had some opening lines for stanzas but I think you need a bit more build than just one line because I found myself lost in the middle of them trying to find how it jumped from the beginning to what I had already read.
But as usual I did love your word choice and I couldn't really find any grammar errors or anything of that sort which is loverly. And the stanzas on their own were cohesive and good the only thing as I said would be transitions.

[Ed Hart]

It's true that good poetry is in large part inspiration; I mean if the Muse didn't whisper in your ear, you wouldn't have a theme and a push to get you started. So here come the words, rolling down the page, line after line, carrying the weight of your thoughts, until spent, when you stand back and say, Ah, I've given birth again. Now it's time to post to writer's cafe and get some praise and some feed back...blah blah blah...

Here's the thing: a bad poet can do no wrong, while a good poet is his own worst critique. A polished good poet has developed 'voice', and within that paradigm can rest a little easier within that roll of words. An incipient poet has no voice, has to struggle with each word, to weigh it carefully, has to throw out many a favored line, has to bleed a little, sometimes a lot.

I see by your many reviews for your poetry in general, you have many praisers and fans. The best I can do for you is suggest you hold your words a little closer to your heart, season them with hours of consideration, and post what you feel is a finished product. Then, if you get a worthy review, it will help you to a finer excellence. I write you these words because I take you to be serious about your poetry...Ed

[lostintheworld]

okay, so i'm way hyper at the moment and could be completely off..but let me just play around anyways and tell you what i see in this poem...

i see the speaker saying that someone has given them life- more time to live...and they've chosen to accept it for the time being. It could be voices giving more time, it could be loved ones, or just an inner self...not so sure...but i see it soemwhere around there....

but my guess is the speaker sees life as a prison of sorts, like being trapped in this sort of insanity and madness that never ends... always looking out and not ever really allowing others to look in- hence the prison metaphor. So do the bars keep you in, or them out?

but it's kinda like the speaker isn't content yet with the fact of being given life. and so it's just this art gallery with no time limits (beucase isn't art always going to be around to be looked at...oooohhh to be judged too dontcha think?...hmmm maybe)- and you're gonna watch it all go on around you and watch it happen as the lone spectator- and prentsion, i just see this word acting as an insecurity for the speaker. Cause i think the speaker is extremely intellectual, almost to the point of separating themselves from the bulk of society- not becuase they are pretensious, but becuase the rest of the world just isn't smart enough to appreciate the speakers intellect. if that makes sense.

Then we get to this part where the speaker is still unsure about this life that's been given- so they rationalise that it just gives them more timeto come up with better ways to die, the black ribbon finish- amazing word choice, perfect...
but then.
the end
the speaker accepts it. dare i say, wants it.
they had no say in the matter, but now, they're looking for good behaviour

so the question remains is it because they just might like this gift? or becuase again waiting to think up new and inventive ways to die?

hmmmmmm

[Joe Butler]

brilliant.. you forgot defenestration..

[Anthony Morningstar]

F*****g great man I probally don't have the chops to think of where you could change things I like the list pretty funny I laughed almost chocked on my chips. Yeah I think it's good really good.

[Bubo]

You don't need to change a word..........it's perfect.
Life sentence inside........I often wonder what that must be like, knowing your chance of
seeing the outside world again is limited and the endless, mundane existence ahead, never
mind about protecting yourself inside and just surviving..........no love, or cuddles, no life........
you have written such a powerful piece, and considering we can only imagine what it must be
like you have caught those thoughts spot on!
Fab you are..............just fab!