Life Sentence

They gave me life.

I’m looking at a stretch

of another forty years.

Sixty, if I display

good behaviour.

Could be eighty,

if I pack in the cigs

and find out some veteran secrets.

 

I run a hand idly along the bars.

 

They reverberate with memories

ghosts rattling chains

on leather adorned with locks that

Snap Crackle Pop

soggy cereal

is what wet leaves felt like underfoot

on the way to school

shoe shopping before air conditioning

was a widespread notion.

Do the locomotion with me.

Falling asleep at Discos

crisp packets sparkled magically

unlike flat rabbits disappearing at parties

where you were supposed to join in

 

and this could go on forever

because art galleries have no limits

when you’re the lone spectator.

Meandering

pondering

nonsensical pretension

masquerading as spontaneous intellect.

 

There are more ways to die than live

if you’re inventive.

Each day probably spawns another

new batch; galloping abreast technology

towards the black ribbon finish.

 

Slit wrists

Shark attack

Poisoning

Plane crash

Assassination

Stray bullet

Strangulation

O.D on tablets

Suffocation

Natural disaster

Lethal injection

Suicide bomber

Starvation

Gun misfire

Alien invasion

Stuck in freezer

Unattended infection

Collapsed tower

Electrocution

All types of cancer

Decapitation

Wrong answer

 

 

They gave me life.

I had no say in the matter.

 

Now I’m contemplating good behaviour.

 

Author's Note

This doesn't work as well as I'd like it to - any suggestions? Thanks.

Reviews

[lostintheworld]

so it's the sentence you think
that inspired the will to live
cuase that just doenst work for me in my head

cuase after she says that, she mentions good behavior
which lends us to assume she might be wanting out now

so are you sugessting murder gets her put in (and suicide like killing an alter ego or voice) and then she wants to be out cuase now she's free of those voices?

[Kaij aka the Crit B***h]

Merry Meet.

Mm, I've got nothing to say in attempts to make this poem better somehow. You've written it extremely well.

There are more ways to die than live
if you're inventive.
Each day probably spawns another
new batch; galloping abreast technology
towards the black ribbon finish.

That would have to be my favorite verse of it all, especially that last line you put in. Black ribbon finish, no longer the red ribbon people pass usually pass through in winning things, because you don't win in this case. You lose.

Thanks for letting me read this piece.

[Emily B]

Edna St. Vincent Millay wrote, "I know a thousand ways to die / I've often thought I'd try one." The poem is amusing and fun. Your poem is amusing and fun in other ways. Dark and daring in other ways. Personally, I don't think we need the organized list of ways to die to get the point. There are some killer lines in here, lines that make you stop and ponder. There are lines that make you feel like you're re-living your life up to now, e.g. rice krispies, locomotion.

I think, I want to read this again on a day when I've had sleep and haven't just worked ten hours straight doing inventory. I'll be back.

[Brentley]

I enjoyed that. The way you bounced from phrase to phrase obviously in your own thoughts was really good. Most people can't follow stuff like this without re-reading it. It reminded me of the way I think. One little phrase bounces into somethinc ompletly irrelivant and then so on and so forth. Good read.

[Michael Carr]

a bit rough at times but a fantastic poem boylan.
deep and moving. excellent job.

[A.L. James]

I like it just like it is.

[...Where Nothing Is Sac..]

So
you're stuck in your own head
for your entire life
and the people who put you there
[parents]
gave you
[feotus]
"no say in the matter"
and the better you 'behave'
the longer you and your head
are left in each other's
company,
which is the opposite to prison.

I like how the lines in the big stanza
follow on from each other
i think it might be a British thing,
cos they don't have Disco crisps in the U.S
and i think their kid's entertainers
are more flamboyant than ours.
Wooden f*****g rabbits.

The list,
although kind of cool,
kind of jars a person
out of the poem.
Maybe distribute it
throughout the poem
in parenthesis
or maybe that wouldn't work either.

Ah well.
Outtie.

[Rain]

C..
There are more ways to die than to live, hooked me. I also got lost, then found, although I wouldn't change a line. Somewhat bohemian in style, which is my time.

There are more ways to die than live
if you�re inventive.
Each day probably spawns another
new batch; galloping abreast technology
towards the black ribbon finish.

Love that stanza. I'm so glad you wrote me. I would not have found you. Let me know if you find those veteren secrets..bad line. Still need to read more of you. Loved this. Rain

[Tiffany Pochatko]

Woo. I have to be honest..I had to read this over a few times before I decided what to say when I reviewed it. For what this peice is and for what it resembles and tells...this is amazing. I am not quite sure if I would have wrote it the way you did...I think you have written down ideas, beautiful ideas...and almost turned them into fragmented sentences telling a sad story. I absolutely adore the way this ends. Almost in a sarcastic very edgy "dark mysterious sunglasses guy" kind of way. I really really enjoyed this. Really. You are an extremely good writer, mister.

[J. Araujo]

Amazing, i can't even describe in words how much i liked this poem above many others i have read on this site. you will be stored in the FAVORITE section of my library. very well done. he has been sentenced to life, what a new world to explore, i don't think i've really read alot on this subject making it even more compelling. i loved it!!! perfect

[Sarai Akscyn]

C. This write compelled me to do something I rarely do; particularly before a critique: I read the other reviews. This was a crazed piece of work for me that I couldn't find my way out of. Nor did I want to. It's ripe and edgy; clean and messy; fragmented and piecemeal (w)holes.

I loved the startling coming-out-of-nowhere lines. The intentional absence of any segue or seams. The hodgepodge of diction and images were captivating.

The only thing I'd do is play around with the syntax and format. The listing toward the end may have more of an impact and lend a strong theme if it were dispersed between passages. Just a thought. I'm off to find some cotton to plug my ears with. So as not to lose any of your jangled words still lounging about in my head. Sarai