I Should Be Banned From Buses

sun shines itself in my eyes. smile grimly. like greeting an old enemy. maybe acknowledging history with an interrogator. remember all those times screaming for mercy. face screwed into folds and slits. blinded by memory. we’ll be even one day.

 

today. angry with everything. the got-it-together girl. blue army trousers. a zillion piercings. green dreadlocks. a few years ago I’d have fantasized. being her. but now I examine her trainers for flaws. sneer. popular ‘alternative’ brand. yeah. who are you kidding. demands. like she’d acted superior towards me. hasn’t even looked my way. tenth storey above me. in maturity and self-esteem. exudes it. or maybe just the act. and later she’ll be at a party. snuffling up dregs and laughing with friends. over thudding music. that has to be sent off for. not even in the shops. order forms. not to be pretentious but because they like it. wouldn’t even credit me with the mental capacity to appreciate it.

 

I don’t know enough people. to throw a party. any more. not like those [sixth form] summers. loading up trolleys. with illegality. planning. paper plate full of peanuts. no one would touch. maybe feed them to the dog. who’d get sick. turning up that track. our anthem. f**k the neighbours. just for a minute. now shush again. because it was like an inside joke. something shared that everyone knows. creating nostalgia before nostalgia had time to grow. and someone would spend all night. speeding through my mixed tapes. looking for oasis. last track. tape all chewed up. scrubbing at puke the next morning. re-planting flattened flowers. wondering why I’d invited them over. knowing it was so. for once. I wouldn’t be drinking on my own.

 

 

these days I’m so busy. constructing derogatory retorts to bullies. that I’m too exhausted to provide. verbal first aid to victims.

Author's Note

Do the breaks work ok? Does it seem unfinished because of the last 'stanza'?
Thanks.

Reviews

[Bubo]

a few years ago I�d have fantasized. being her. but now I examine her. trainers for flaws. sneer. popular �alternative� brand. yeah

I need not eat my hat me thinks!
Very strong word, of society we struggle with daily............feeling inadequate, competiting, and for what?
A rather sad piece too, and reflective in a sense that we have a party to fit, not be alone, yet it
brings no joy or lasting peace.

f**k the neighbours. just for a minute. now shush again. because it was like an inside joke. a secret shared that everyone knows. creating nostalgia before nostalgia had time to grow. and someone would spend all night. speeding through my mixed tapes. looking for oasis

The flow throughout is spot on..........almost lyrical, and interesting in layout, as you would
expect a story...........

[eli mercuree rue]

pure s**t yes yes i would have to agree... lol just playing
i say its pure amusement to see boylan [or you] um writing like. this.
fragmented sentences and no capitalization
except for the word I which stands out because to me that makes the poem
a ;ittle self absorbed
yeah carrying enough about yourself to capitalize i
just changes the whole meaning

cus see
because before i got to that section
i was like
ahh
yeah green dreads
i can dig
like green grass and onion powder
dripping from my
hotdog
the synthetic type
brushing up against
my vocal cords as it made its
way
d

o
w

n

like road runner

all the way to my s**t holee

woohoo

f**k the neighbors
f**k. the neighbors.

hard
because boylan
didnt give a s**t about
grammar
or her effects
on the way they were sleeping
she prolly
should have
invited them over
to party too


my favorite section is the last
the irony of life
haha i loves it

[Anthony Morningstar]

I really like this poem I really like this poem. I just wish that I could relate a little more to it. And I really like the use of language in this poem great and brillant. I don't think that it's crap but then again that's just me.