CAVE ART MA[R]T[Y]R.ial

Tomorrow

 

               or tomorrow…

                      

                                  or tomorrow…

 

 

a generation identifies more with Augustine’s

less saintly phase than with J.C’s supposed self-sacrifice;

fair enough, for if we all chose to perish in martyr’s

protest at mankind’s lack of merit, we’d be abandoning this planet

to the hedonist and criminal, who don’t give a s**t.

 

Stalling what disheartens, when faced with fire-breathing facts,

allows us a sense of endless chances to change.

 

The meek shall not inherit; they will be rounded up and pelted

with rotten vegetables, until superior instinct has instilled

unto their humility, a lesson of repeated history:

to evolve involves sharpening cunning; predatory stalking;

gaining control over whatever panel’s judging; bribing

brutal favour, by wiping out

those who are now deemed second best.

Author's Note

What does this say to you? I can barely remember what I meant here, I just know that I like it.
Also, does it flow ok?
Thanks.

Reviews

[Eric]

Powerful.

To be honest, I'm hesitant to review this piece. Why? Because my sense it that you have much more to say on the topic. I can sense the words on this issue pacing back and forth in your belly, ready to revolt, marching out of your mouth and pen into the unfortified ears of your listeners.

No lie; this is a significant piece of work that deserves to be expounded on. This is the stuff of revelutions and enlightenments. Unsheath your saber and write on!

[Cdnsurfer]

Interesting experimental piece. I'm not convinced that the line jumps in the "tomorrow" opening are necessary, as the pattern is repeated and it almost calls for repetition in the form. I like the polemic in the first stanza, and it certainly is a good statement about apathy. City of God/City of Man. Well, we are only human afterall; born for failure. Of course, they thought the City of God would be just around the corner, you know, just wait a few years. ;-) Ha ha! I loved the bitter ironic last stanza -- if we are evolving, in a neo-Nietzschean fashion. I'm not convinced. Still, liked this statement. Liked the style. Well done.

[Sarai Akscyn]

Your message is strong and commands attention. The hodge podge patchwork style and syntax breaks the continuity of your voice.

I also, on occasion, play with other formats or accents. However, one's signature I believe is inherent in a write. You have your own gifts, truly; I'd rather see more of your own personal mark. Sarai P.S. I wish I knew your name so I can address you properly.

[TL Boehm]

Wow. This is vivid and intense but written with almost a 'cool detachment' - not a diatribe but a well worded 'observation' of the human condition. I especially like the last stanza - and the line "rounded up and pelted with rotten vegetables...."
Great write.

[Leah Simone]

Hard hitting truths, unfortunately.

You sliced through this with a razor-tongue. A few more images showing rather than telling may enhance the piece. Regardless, the message is clear and I commend you for taking a stand -Leah

[Jonathan Bryant Dean]

This poem strikes a chord of truth on many different instruments.
The church organ = Religion
The sousaphone = Military
The Brass Band = Political
Electric Guitar = Show business/entertainment

And many more.

It is a shame that the meek are still relegated to the lower strata, and they have only the hope of an inheritance in the afterlife, but the truth is truth, and myth is not.

I like the anguish of this poem.

JBD

[Anthony Morningstar]

Maybe it's because I'm listening to NIN but this seems really hostle. Along with that as I look over it there's few captial letters which makes me believe that it's meant also to invoke some sort of rebillion spirit in it or at least that's what I get from it.

I'm sorry I'm a little lost on who Augustine is though.

I like this poem though over all how it seems more like a play or kind of like a sonnet. I mean that in the sense that you present the problem add on to it in the uh second or would that be the third stanza. And in the final you conclude with and regroup all three of the stanzas.


Really good great. I like how long the lines are arranged in the last stanza espeically as it diganally shifts to the left. It give me the sense like this has got to add up to this last line it really does.

[Shemena Campbell]

Amazing. First... put into my library. Then print it out, cut around it, tape it to the wall in my office. Send to friends. Then read again.

I love the circularity of the last stanza. It also makes me think of those women who have knives thrown at them while they're spun on a wheel at the circus.

This is especially good:

"Stalling what disheartens, when faced with fire-breathing facts,
allows us a sense of endless chances to change."

Fire-breathing brings to mind the mythology of the martyr - the dragon slayer = the grail = the crusades, brings to mind Iraq = the present and the circularity or repetitiveness of this story, nicely contrasted by the "endless chances to change" that seem never to be taken, not since antiquity.

That is so. cool.

S.

[Bubo]

Absolutely brilliant title!!!You capture so much in just that..........
and a very strong piece, this is packed with much more than one message
to me................

The meek shall not inherit; they will be rounded up and pelted
with rotten vegetables, until superior instinct has instilled
unto their humility, a lesson of repeated history:

and anger!! I would love to hear this read ..........I wish it had read longer for me......
You certainly have your own unique style although you say your ripping off others!

[Narnie]

You really do have a strong voice when you write such political pieces. I went to see Billy Bragg last year and although much of the show was light-hearted and jokey, when he came to a topic that he felt was unjustly continuing because of apathy, his voice became hard and agressive. I heard his voice reading this. I know this is probably a bit of a rubbish review, but I hope you see the compliment that I would consider this to be nothing less than professional.