Striving For A Natural Reaction

I’d like to be the one

staggering from the scene

of the car wreck – singed

skin and spilt gore – to

spew my sensitivity

over the lay-by,

 

but sense that I’d

just feel nauseous

for the rest of my life.

 

I try my hardest

to gag while stripping

chicken of its body parts,

but the un-surfaced

mechanic in me

rips automatically;

 

and as hard as I try,

I still scrape my plate

at dinner time.

 

Occasionally, a strong stomach

comes in handy, like

whirling through the air

at Blackpool Pleasure Beach,

strapped onto a propeller

unheeding of my fear

that vomit would lunge

and deposit itself

all over the

birthday girl.

 

 

 

Mostly I just worry

that the proverb’s

got it wrong,

and my heart

is as cold

as my reptilian hands.

 

Author's Note

Does the first stanza seem okay?
Constructive reviews very welcome. Thanks.

Reviews

[Bel]

I like how you take a physical reaction as feeling ill at the sight of blood as an introduction to the question that really plagues the protagonist: am I an insensitive person? I especially like this line:

I try my hardest
To gag while stripping
Chicken of its body parts

This image is really strong in that it conveys how desperately your protagonist is to feel something, anything really, even repugnance.

Th initial image of the car crash makes the scope of your poem wider; it's not just about the protagonist's need for emotion, but it also underlines the general apathy in nowadays' society when it comes to violent images.

I feel you have combined three related scopes on one topic here: physical feelings, emotions, and group dynamics. I like it very much.

Bel

[James K. Blaylock]

wow,i really enjoyed this piece. it made me think of a person so numbed by life and everything else...that they'll do anything (at all) to try to feel again. and alas,nothing ever comes close to it forevermore. killer ending too

Mostly I just worry
That the proverb�s
Got it wrong,
And my heart
Is as cold
As my reptilian hands.

[Bubo]

Occasionally, a strong stomach
Comes in handy, like
Whirling through the air
At Blackpool Pleasure Beach,
Strapped onto a propeller,
Unheeding of my fear
That vomit would lunge
And deposit itself
All over the
Birthday girl.

Such fantastic imagary from the first word to the last........
almost sickening in its read! The thought of stripping chicken
parts made me want to throw up!!But is it a natural rection??
Some people don't blink when doing the most foul of things!

But underlying in your piece lies the desperate emotion
to be able to feel something..............
I loved the stanza above................some wit there!!!
I think you are a very deep raw writer, I don't always
get what you are trying to convey , but the images linger for a
good while in my mind!

[Ebby]

I�d like to be the one
Staggering from the scene
Of the car wreck � singed
Skin and spilt gore � to
Spew my sensitivity
Over the lay-by,

But sense that I�d
Just feel nauseous
For the rest of my life.

Your description of the need for release is clearly translated. You have car-crash fascination for your own apathy. To feel nauseous for the rest of yourr life is pretty horrendous also, and I wonder if you crave a short, sharp shock as opposed to the lingering tide.

I am interested to know if this is written with your own voice, because if so, it is a very close examination of your own thoughts. I am terrible at self-examination and particularly good at burying my head in the sand. Such clarity of thought regarding yourself, now that takes skill.

I really like your contrasts between machinery and the living, or not so living, where the chicken is concerned, as this contrast highlights the fragility of life.

The fifth stanza injects a little humour, but this is laid cleverly to make the impact of the last stanza, that little bit more hitting.

So, you have cold hands and a strong stomach. What does this have to do with your heart? Huh? Nothing, not a thing. I have icy toes, but my heart burns...

A wonderful read, I am glad to be back and having the pleasure of reading some wonderful writers, such as yourself.

Kindest regards. :)

[F. Nazarov]

But sense that I�d
Just feel nauseous
For the rest of my life.

my favorite section.

Pretty Much good. I see no flaw in it.
Well , it's all in the eye of the beholder.
Great Work.

[October]

Wonderful imagery.
Your poetry amazes me.

I love how you transition your thoughts
Into a even more intricate lines.

This poem is great.
-October