Idealistic Reservations

Like childhood tormenting itself

with agonized fantasies of witnessed parental ultimatums -

a choice whereupon you or your sibling

are cast, falling, to this World’s end -

I wear dystopias like prickly jumpers;

deliberate discomfort that cannot be shed.

 

Perfection viewed as compulsions

towards impersonal compassion

soon becomes cloying, like birthday cake daily,

for breakfast, lunch and tea.

Lobotomized, drooling zombies,

lurching full of indiscriminate kindness.

 

Realization horrifies.

 

Self-examination results in warnings uncertain;

with all ingrained from birth to be nice,

how to test the hope that you’re a good person?

 

Nothing to write home about any more,

now no blood seeps,

unnoticed, into concrete

on impatient streets, nor

 

do we prate in exaltation,

receiving purses returned without condition.

 

Visiting the countryside, you find

the air less revitalizing; inviolate city gutters,

cleared of inconsideration,

embedded in your mind.

 

Skies globally liberated from shattering intrusions

upon normality, result in absence of gratitude,

safety taken as a given.

 

What wars?

What’s peace?

 

Still more important questions:

 

who is to be removed in the name of disinfection -

any member causing dissatisfaction?

 

Letters still beseeching to be written,

so…

 

Goodbye sociopath, your malicious behaviour is unwelcome.

Goodbye schizophrenic, your looming grey sanctuaries are distasteful.

Goodbye depressive, your feelings can no longer be indulged.

Goodbye autistic child, your lack of love causes distress.

Goodbye cancer patient, your disease renews fear of impending death.

 

Goodbye blind man, our smiles are wasted on you.

 

Author's Note

I want to make this better, but I'm not sure where to start.
Please help me, point out what's wrong with it. Thanks.

Reviews

[Bubo]

I so loved the idea of this ...........if the world was perfect...........you create such a
picture that at times is very distressing, because it seems so blank
mundane, and yet you write with powerful words of all things that we do now,
how would we do without?

The last stanza was fabulous and my fave.
I can't see you need to work on this at all, it speaks for itself
with force, imagary and wonder!

Letters still beseeching to be written,
so�

Goodbye sociopath, your malicious behaviour is unwelcome;
Goodbye schizophrenic, your looming grey sanctuaries are distasteful;
Goodbye depressive, your feelings can no longer be indulged;
Goodbye autistic child, your lack of love causes distress;
Goodbye cancer patient, your disease renews fear of impending death;

Goodbye blind man, our smiles are wasted on you.

[THE BLACK SEAL]

I think gary h is on to something with the 2 poems mixing the message...
The first and second halves of this do not intermingle well.
The word use is quite good and it flies under the radar making the reader think. However it may take itself a little too seriously in the first part only to be followed up with an overwhelming snideness in the second half. That was what i recieved from it anyway.
I think you could make this into two works and that would free you up on both ends to really get the rhthym of the thing going.
It is fantastic ideas and it has a lot of potential but if it were me i would work on it a bit to get it refined.
Diamonds do not come out of the ground cut.

[Shemena Campbell]

I love love love this poem. This is what got me, what hit me square:

"now no blood seeps,

unnoticed, into concrete

on impatient streets,"

There are a few of us who are not the victims, who are not afflicted - at least not in the traditional sense - who get left holding the bag, as it were. We caretakers who sabotage ourselves by hiding the evidence of our loved one's messes from the world. We do it by ourselves when we know we can't keep it up forever, and because we do it, the rest of society is off the hook, until we collapse, and then it's too late. So yes, this line got to me. As did this one:

"I wear dystopias like prickly jumpers;

deliberate discomfort that cannot be shed."

We do it to ourselves...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Start with proofreading and spelling, always spelling. I know that "tomenting" means tormenting for example but some poor driveling fool is wondering what you mean somewhere. See, that is the thing, CLARITY. I know exactly what you are saying and why. I feel the same. But we must look at things in a broad scope. One fellow said to me, "nobody is better than anyone else" Well, I said, I'm sure the waitress at IHOP will be happy to perform your heart surgery for you should you require it. Yes, we ARE all just dirt. But even some soil grows things other soil will not. The beautiful lady never says to the ugly woman, "I'm as good as you!" The rich never say it to the poor. The strong do not say it to the weak. WHY? Because seeded at that self-taught lie is the aching, putrified, infected notion that our pride is the same as our worth. It is a lie. Society judges us on looks and performance, like new cars. Look good? Perform well? You'll go far! So are the weak, infirm, insane, broken parts of society worthless? They are HUMAN BEINGS. They are the image of GOD.They are the wounds in the body of Christ. So shall I spit on them and say "heal yourself"? Hands and hearts are for lifting up those things beneath us and feet are for traveling the distance it takes us to do so. Feet are NOT for kicking your brother when he is down on the ground already or for trampling your sister's fingers as she tries to claw her way along alone. I enjoy reading your work. You have some great thoughts.

[Rain]

Wow..
This is scary for it's plausibility..

Goodbye sociopath, your malicious behaviour is unwelcome.
Goodbye schizophrenic, your looming grey sanctuaries are distasteful.
Goodbye depressive, your feelings can no longer be indulged.
Goodbye autistic child, your lack of love causes distress.
Goodbye cancer patient, your disease renews fear of impending death.
Goodbye blind man, our smiles are wasted on you.

The last line is classic..our smiles are wasted on you. Strong piece. I'm curious to how old. Just wondering where your head was at at a certain age. I'm not expeienced enough to say where it need changed, only you can really figure that out. I like it just the way it came. Rain..

[Gary H]

OK, I think you have two poems hiding in here that are mixing up the message you are trying to put across. There's some really good lines but they are not being brought out to the reader clearly enough.
Let me know and I can maybe look at it and give you a different view. This has a lot of potential but needs to be absorbed easier.....

[October]

"Who is to be removed in the name of disinfection,
any member causing dissatisfaction?

Letters still beseeching to be written,
so�

Goodbye sociopath, your malicious behaviour is unwelcome;
Goodbye schizophrenic, your looming grey sanctuaries are distasteful;
Goodbye depressive, your feelings can no longer be indulged;
Goodbye autistic child, your lack of love causes distress;
Goodbye cancer patient, your disease renews fear of impending death;

Goodbye blind man, our smiles are wasted on you."

That last part was so powerful to me.
Especially the last line.
This poem is amazing.
-October