Unwritten: By A Teenage Girl

it only took but a few simple clicks.

one.

light reflecting off the body before it

making way to its final destination

electrons rapidly reacting

.. click. the final exposure comes into view.

mid click.. unevading thoughts.

 'unclad; bare body.

  unrecognizable.

  anguish and shame.

  stomach turning.

  my own conscious at war with itself.

  but.. i must!

or.. he wont..'

two.

almost an unheard sound. a metallic tick.

yet an echo to my ears

louder. louder. louder!

a blatant emphatic sound banging against my ear drums

irreparable. irretrievable! 

but i had to.

or.. he wouldn't..

yes. lies.

your mocking love.

your 'love'

an aid to my deception

so lost in your words that rang so true in every part of my body

your caress. 

and how it felt so real

when you held me in your arms

speaking your gentle words

all part of your master plane

oh! and the agony! 

how well it worked.

your art crafted over time into unmistakable perfection.

click.

new message.

 ... 'lies.lies.lies'

Author's Note

This poem is going into submission to be in a book so I would appreciate a lot of reviews, criticism appreciated just as much as praise!! I want to know the good and the bad, please help me out! thank you all!

also. do you like the title, if not. any suggestions?

the very last line, did i end it to quickly?

~ rae

Reviews

[Jessi Leigh]

Ooh this strikes home!!! I love your layout and your choice of words WELL DONE. in the last stanza is it supposed to be 'by body or my body"

[Maria M.]

Rae,in response to your questions first, yes I like the title, it almost necessary to help untangle the intricacies of the poem, which is really well done! The last line, no you didn't end it too quickly, though I do feel that you could definately do a lot more with it if you chose to, but I like it where it is too!

Other responses--the poem is really well done, I love the emphasis points that you added through font and size! Its like you can feel the girl's adreneline as she tries to make her decision..nice job!

[Dove]

wow this is so different... but unique. I really like this piece right here, thank you for sharing.