Hour by hour.

She is the sun, I am the stars. I could never shine as brightly as her. With every perfect boy and perfect girl there's the odd one out.

The scent of sweet roses,

Follow her as she passes,

Never once looking back.

Your smile when you look at her,

So brilliant that my heart just hurts,

I feel it stop beating within my chest,

A piece of me dies.

She glides through days,

You follow in her faded footsteps,

A blind man seeking the sun.

Her lips are soft red petals,

You laugh more when you’re around her,

As if you’re life is a goddamned joke,

The kind that people like me read about,

On the pages of fairytales.

She bats her eyelashes, I bite my lip,

Day by day, hour by hour,

Each minute passes as I try not to cry,

She is the sun, I am the stars.

I could never shine as brightly as her.

Author's Note

I know that this is not very... shall we say poetic, but it's more about the emotions than the words themselves. Tell me what you think, and be constructive please.

Thank you for reading!

XX Maddie.

Reviews

[paradise]

Its a very strong emotions and things you have to understand in the poem. it is true alot of people feel like this. the last two lines are amazing they brought the whole poem together. It flowed great Iunderstood and enjoyed it

[Aven]

wow, the love in this poem is striking! it is so tangible even that blind man can find it. :)

[loowzerX]

this is wonderful, emotional and the kind of story in the form of a poem. amazing

[MichaelsLyric.com]

Very strong emotions in this piece. I like how you describe the characters. She passes, never looking back, like she glides through life, taking all the attention for granted, not really caring about anyone else. And he, mesmerized, blinded by her cold light. Beautiful piece, I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

[Lace Heart.]

I really like the feelings in this poem, even if the word choice isn't perfect. The feeling of resentment towards the other girl is relatable and expressed beautifully.

~Lacey

[Liz-z]

"She is the sun, I am the stars
I could never shine as brightly as her"

LOVE IT! There's isn't a better way to express how much you love her!
It's fantastic! Perfect! BRAVO! :D

[Sonia]

I like your use of metaphors throughout the poem, like "A blind man seeking the sun", "Her lips are soft red petals" and "she is the sun, i am the stars"
A few minor spelling/grammar mistakes:
Fourth line: "Your" should be "You"
Ninth line: the line before this is in present tense, so "faded footsteps" sounds a bit odd..maybe put "fading" instead?
Thirteenth line: "You're" should be "your"
other than that it's a really interesting poem! good job!

[Marie Harrison]

The middle of the poem especially got my attention, but I enjoyed the entire poem. I enjoyed the vivid imagery in this poem and the elation in it too.