Vulnerable New Confusion

A Poem by RacialRainbow

Just read...

You ask me is something wrong

But how can I say- if nothing has ever been right for me,

You ask me why can’t we be together why can’t we try?

But how can I tell you- trying is a fear of mine that you won’t understand

And if in telling you that you won’t understand ill make you feel empty.

Shall I even say mad?

But it’s more than I can explain without making you feel unwanted or not enough when the reality is that just I’m too much.

I can’t trust anyone not even the ones who raised me.

That I can’t be broken because I try to build a fortress around my heart so you can only see what I want you to see...

When in reality I'll fall too hard,

Too fast,

And too deep

Then in the end i'll be left alone.

But if I keep you at a distance or not at all I will be lonely and sad,

And if I let you in I will be vulnerable and terrified.

So how can I tell you nothing or anything at all without telling you everything?

Because I’m brutally honest with others and yet I’m the most fragile person I know…

© 2017 RacialRainbow

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Reviews

Alessander

This has the feel of a Hamlet monologue...to be or not to be...
By that I mean, it feels very back and forth, indecisive, hesitant, doubtful...almost to the point of paralysis.

Well, we all know what happens at the end of Hamlet (spoiler alert. Doesn't end well :O)

This has some contradictions like the person is castle, protected, aloof, picturesque if only from the outside

But that contrasts with 'falling too hard, too fast, too deep'

Almost more like Ophelia in Hamlet, a tragic woman who was wounded deeply and ended up drowning herself (in her emotions?)

Which links to the ending of being "fragile"

Anyhow, enjoyed it. I felt the tumult and pangs ring through.

Posted 5 Years Ago

5 Years Ago

Awww...thank you so much! Let me just say, that situation didn't end well either... and though I was.. read more

Annette Pisano-Higley

I loved this poem. It so eloquently describes the oppositional feelings-approach vs avoidance, love vs fear, give vs take, of complex relationships. A young woman realizing her "self", her strengths and her vulnerabilities. Beautiful.