And You Will Never Know

It’s been said that if you fall far enough there is no where for things to go but up. Be that as it may, sometimes you fall so far that even if you were to begin to rise again, you would never break the surface before you drowned.

She was different than the other girls I knew. She was smart and strong and beautiful and so very broken. Everyone loved her. She laughed more than anyone else I had ever met. But laughter didn’t save her.

No one knew that she was infected with the disease until she was too far gone to be saved. To deep within the waves. The monsters stole the happiness from her laugher. Every day she would wake up and paint her eyes with those beautiful lines that seemed to say I am fine. I am happy. There is nothing wrong. Her eyes were as good at lying as her lips. Those soft red lips that curved into that dangerous smile and said Love me. I can make you as happy as I am. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t even save herself.

They called her Angel and Devil and Somewhere In Between. I think she was once an angel. Until the demons came in the night and shredded her wings. She never told anyone about what she did in the dark when her adoring followers were not watching her. She kept those black, filthy secrets deep inside her fortress of a heart.

But if you look into her eyes, you see them. The scars. Little scars of discolored white seeping across those ocean eyes, searing into her the images of the darkness that only she knows. Scars in her eyes to match the spiderwebs on her body. Branded. Chosen by the darkness as its own.

She fought harder than most. After all, she was smart and strong and beautiful. And something else. She was brave. Far braver than you and I. But we didn’t care. She was a toy to the crowds. An object to want and to want and to want until the novelty of it wore off and no one was left who actually wanted to HAVE her.

Maybe she was just prettier from a distance. Maybe the closer you got, the more truth you saw, and there were no happy ever afters in her truth. Only pain. And guilt. And endings. So many endings. She died many times in those nights, torn between the need for pleasure and the need for pain. She needed the darkness. She needed it to sleep. She needed it to live. The dark ones taught her to drink it. To eat it. To breathe it.

But they could not teach her to love it.

She is still smart and strong and beautiful. But she knows too much about things she never cared to see. She knows that whatever strength she had is only enough to survive and not enough to live. She still smiles when you walk by. But there are shadows in her eyes. She still tries to be happy. She tries for you. She tries so you never have to know, never have to meet the creatures of the night. She lies to you. She will lie to you forever. But she is not as good at it anymore. Now if you look closely her eyes say something different. Stay away or I will hurt you and you will be nothing but another name on my list of regrets. And those perfect lips? Maybe the crowds still watch them. But they are wary of the girl with all the secrets, and her lips don’t whisper what they want to hear anymore. They only speak the truth. No one wants a girl as fucked up as me.

Author's Note

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Reviews

[mike mcgrath]

I am in love with how well written and the story that goes with this poem ille deffinetly use this quote because it hit me so hard keep it up it was such an amazing poem!!! I write poems myself if you want to check them out "Maybe she was just prettier from a distance. Maybe the closer you got, the more truth you saw, and there were no happy ever afters in her truth."

[Rachel Grace]

Thank you so much!