Chapter 1

Chapter 1

                The sunlight slips through the curtains, forcing me to open my heavy eyelids. Rolling over, I turn my alarm off before its awful beeping begins.  Thank the lord for Saturdays! I roll back over, glad that school can wait. There will be no crowds of people, no friends eager to talk, no guys craving my dazzling false smile, and most of all, no lonely girl living a lie. Funny how a popular girl like me can so deeply despise her own popularity. 

                Ugh! Here we go again! I have got to stop thinking like this. Smile, you silly girl, and quit thinking thoughts that only belong in some depressing teen love story! I roll my eyes. Okay so the ‘other me’ has a point there. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not a soap opera either.  You’ve been awake five minutes and you’re already talking to yourself. Pull it together, Melanie!   

                And, no, I don’t have schizophrenia, or some unknown personality disorder. It’s just that I live a double life. Sometimes I feel like Sorrow’s double agent sent to the land of the living. (Wow…. That sounds melodramatic, Melanie.) When people are around I must be happy and energetic, but by myself I can talk like this, and be as hurt as I really am. Maybe one day I should look into writing poems for depressed people. I could probably make a decent living!

                My phone buzzes sharply, as if the ‘practical me’ has called for reinforcements to keep me sane. I reach over and pick it up, too warm to crawl out of bed.

                “Melanie?”

                “Yes, I’m here.” I try to sound eager to talk to Mrs. - Queen- Of- The- World. 

                “It’s Taylor. What are you doing today?”

                “Nothing.” I yawn, but cover it up coughing.

                “A bunch of us girls are headed for the mall. Would you care to grace us with your glorious presence?” Her sarcasm hurts more than she knows. No! I want to scream. I want to hide from people today…but I give her the right answer.

                “Of course! What time do you want to meet?”

                I am the popular one. I am the extrovert, the life of the party. It is my job to entertain them and if I fail my job… they will walk away.

                “Can you be there in an hour?”

                I sigh inwardly. “Yes, of course. Bye, Taylor.” 

                She hangs up and I am free to vent my frustration to the walls of my empty room.

                Five outfits later, I stand in front of the mirror, finally happy in dark skinny jeans and a floral blouse. Briefly, I wonder what everyone would say if I showed up in an old T-shirt and ripped jeans. Most likely they would pass out. Or maybe the world would just reverse its orbit and implode. There are certain rules that simply can’t be broken. The orbit of the earth is one of them. The fact that Melanie Johnson always wears perfect outfits is another.

                I brush and curl my wavy auburn hair, scowling the whole time. Why wasn’t I born gorgeous like so many other girls? Do people really think that my perfect makeup is achieved at the snap of my fingers?!

                I manage to make it through my morning routine without once looking my reflection in the eyes. It is a skill I have taken years to master. There was a time when I couldn’t finish my makeup without crying it all off again. I am stronger than that now. I didn’t achieve my reputation overnight.

                “Hey mom, could you drop me off at the mall on your way to the office?” I call, as I rush down the stairs.

                My mom walks out of the kitchen carrying a bowl of cereal. “Sure, honey. You sure you don’t want to stay home, though? You are always on the go!”

                “Mom?! Why would I want to stay home on a free day?”

                She laughs. “Alright then my social little butterfly! At least get some breakfast before we leave.”

                I wince inwardly. I am SO hungry… but the scale in my room flashes before me, crushing my appetite. I need to loose weight, no gain it! 

                “Uh…No thanks! I’ll get something with the girls!”

                Mom narrows her eyes, but she knows me better than to push it.  “Alright. Well, head out to the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”

                Gratefully, I grab my purse and slip from the house out into the cool of the late April day.

                Mom drives a blood red mustang, compliments of her adoring boss. According to most people, she makes more money in a month than most people see in their whole lives. Apparently, I have been born into a very wealthy family, but that doesn’t really mean too much. It’s not like money can heal scars.

                My phone rings for the second time in an hour. Seeing it’s Jacob, I answer.

                “Hey girl, how are you?”

                “Fine. I’m headed up to the mall to meet with Taylor and company.”

                “Awesome. You free tonight?

                I smile. “Yep. As of right now I am.” I will always make time for him.

                “That’s my girl.” His girl. I smile again.

                “Mexican?”

                “You know it, girl!”

                I hang up just as mom get’s in the car. “Who was that?”

                “Jacob.” I say, yawning and wishing I had gotten more sleep the night before.

                My mom smiles. “You guys going out tonight?”

                I nod. “Yeah… I’m glad. I haven’t seen him in a few days. He’s been busy with other things and all…”

                We pull out of the driveway a moment later, blasting rock music as loud as mom will tolerate it. Dimly, I contrast the heavy metal with my quiet hours on the piano. Apparently the two sides of me also have different tastes in music. I shrug. Music is music and it is my savior.

                Roxburough mall is only ten minutes from our house, and my friends and I are frequent visitors. The fountain just inside the south entrance is our usual meeting place and today is no exception

                “There you are, Melanie!” Taylor exclaims. “I was about to call you again!”

                “Cute outfit, Melanie!”

                “Where have you been all week, Melanie?”

                “Melanie, could I ask you a question?”

                “How’s it going Melanie?”

                People. They are everywhere! “Hey guys, how’s it going? Sorry I’m a little late!”

Why am I here? The people smear into an endless sea of faces. I zero in on one. Why is she looking at me like that? I adjust my hair quickly, wishing I could see what I look like.

Taylor’s impatiently raised eyebrows bring me spinning back to reality. “Are you ready to head out? I don’t know about you, but some new boots would be nice!”

  I’m just about to answer when one of the other girls calls, “Hey look! Here comes Christian’s gang!”

To most girls, Christian is like a bonfire on a cold night: beautifully attractive, hot, and a little dangerous, with a magnetic power of some kind. To me he’s more like a… lake of dry ice, both hot and cold, deadly and painful, and too strong for me to hurt. I hate the fear his name ignites in me. He laughs as he walks around the corner. I have heard that laugh a thousand times. Smiling our way, he waves. I roll my eyes. Don’t you come near here!

“Hey girlsies!”  

Taylor blushes at his glance, and I have to fight the impulse to smack her. “Hey yourself.” It’s a wonder she manages to answer him above her no doubt pounding heart.

Christian zeros in on me, but I avoid his gaze. “What’s up, Melanie?”

Why do guys have to pay attention to the girls that want to be left alone and ignore the ones in love with them?! I turn and look at him with a deliberate show of boredom.  I am good at playing these games. Maybe too good. After all, Christian was my teacher in the art of hiding feelings.

“Nothing much.” It’s the answer he wants. After all, he is the last person who really cares how I’m doing.

“Well, the crew and I were about to go get some ice cream if you girls want to join us.” Who does he think he is? And for that matter, who does he think I am? I open my mouth to answer, but Taylor is faster. “Sure thing! We’d love too!”

                Christian laughs when he catches me glaring at her. I just turn my frustration on him, refusing to be humiliated.

                “Gosh, Melanie! I’ll pay for you, of course, so you could at least act friendly! Is that too much to ask?” His friends laugh and I am furious to see my friends joining in. He’s paying for me? I don’t know the rules of this game. Is he bribing me? Does he just want to confuse me?

                “I’m not broke, Christian!” Using his name is a mistake. My spine tingles, and he catches the look in my eyes, mocking the reaction… my year-old pain. 

                “You hardly need to remind us of that, Melanie!” There is a slight emphasis on my name before his eyes go cold. “The rich brat telling us she’s not broke? Does a zebra need to tell us it has stripes?”

                Rich brat. It’s been a long time since he’s dared to call me that. I look down as soon as his back is turned, but of course I don’t cry. My eyes have forgotten how to cry in public.

                “Well that was intense!” Taylor whispers, half laughing. “Can’t you at least be civil to an ex-boyfriend?”

                I don’t look up. I can already picture her mocking brown eyes. They needn’t become reality.

“At least don’t ruin this for me, girl. I couldn’t care less who his last girlfriend was, but I know who is going to be his next!” I can bear her gloating, but I can no longer stand pretending I am beyond its reach.

                “You don’t need to worry, Taylor. I’m going home.”  I know my voice sounds defeated, and I hate it, but there is nothing else I can do. I can’t risk looking like a fool in front of anyone… but especially not him.

                “Going home?” She is surprised, of course. It’s not like me to back out on anyone, especially if there is a challenge involved.

                I nod and turn away. She knows better than to push it. “Alright, well… see you around.” She is gone in a heartbeat, probably glad to have Christian to herself.

                I call Jacob as soon as I’m out of the mall, wishing I could drive myself home.

                “Hey, are you alright?” Jacob answers on the first ring.

                “Yeah… I’m fine. I just need a ride home from the mall. You busy?”

                He pauses and I can imagine the questions running through his mind. “No, it’s Sunday. I’ll be there in five minutes or so.”

                “Thanks so much. Goodbye!”

                He hangs up without asking another question, and for that, I am grateful. Jacob is the safest person I know, though I’m not sure that I trust even him.

                Christian’s mocking face flashes in front of me, and I blink, trying to banish his memory for good. That romance was ill-fated from the beginning… so why can’t I forget it?

                I have five minutes to decide what I am going to tell Jacob. He doesn’t know everything that happened between Christian and I, so this is going to be difficult. Secrets have a way of catching up to their masters. Maybe I am not even master of my secrets… maybe I am their slave. That seems more fitting, since it seems to be my life’s duty to protect them.

                When Jacob pulls up, I get in his truck silently, dreading the questions that are about to be asked. But, to my surprise, he is also silent. The radio is the only sound in the still car. The tension begins to weigh on me, but I still say nothing.

                When we pull up at my house, Jacob finally turns to me. “So… was it Taylor or Christian?”

                I lower my eyes, as if meeting his gaze will give him some sort of power over me. “Both. How did you know?”

                He shrugs off my question in favor of asking one of his own. “So why did you run? I didn’t know they had that kind of power over you.”

                There is a lot about me you don’t know. I think, but of course I don’t say it. Even with Jacob, I must keep up the walls. My mask never comes off. “It wasn’t worth the fight. Besides, if Taylor wants Christian, she can have him!” He’ll destroy her too. But Jacob doesn’t understand, so I remain silent. 

                “I see. Mind if I come in with you?”

                I shrug. “Help yourself! The more the merrier!” That, of course, is a lie, but it sounds good.

                He smiles, caching my gaze for a moment, and trying to tell me it will be alright. But he doesn’t get it. It has never been alright. I have never been alright.

                Inside, we walk up to my room. Jacob is more quiet than usual, and, for once, I don’t have the strength to fill the silence. We sit on my bed, awkwardly perched on the edge. I fiddle with my wallet, wishing I was alone. My keyboard is calling me from its little white room.

                “So, what are you not telling me?” The question comes out of the blue, and it gives me no time to prepare an answer.

                “Um… nothing? I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” I sound lame and scared, rather like a cornered animal.

                He frowns. “You’re not telling me the whole truth. What’s wrong? What happened back there?”

                I meet his dark eyes, masking my own in hostility and hoping that will push him away. He is getting far too close. My shields quiver. I wonder how long they will hold. Forever. I tell myself. Until I die. But what if I am wrong?

                “Look, Taylor was her usual bratty self, and I was already irritated. Christian showing up only made it worse, and his sleazy attitude is discussing! There is nothing else to tell. I didn’t want to do anything with those two all over each other and so I called you!”  I feel my heartbeat increase with the sensation of righteous indignation I need Jacob to believe it. Gosh, I am so good at lying I almost believe that is the only reason I left the mall. Maybe annoyance was all I’d felt. The pain and defeat feel distant, as if they are products of another life.

                “I see…” Jacob is being won over. He is falling for my web of words.

                “I need to run to the bathroom.” I say, cutting the conversation off there. Escape in the next item on my agenda. “I’ll be right back.”

                Jacob nods, still looking a little confused, but he doesn’t say anything.

                I retreat as fast as possible, thankful he’s stopped asking questions. In the bathroom, I check my makeup, redo my lipstick and fix my hair. At least I still look decent. I take a deep breath, calming my pounding heart. For a moment, I see Christian’s face in the mirror, and my fists clench by my sides. Breath, Melanie. You are stronger than this. I focus on listening to that voice until I believe it.

                I stay in the bathroom as long as I can without being suspicious. After all, Jacob is still waiting for me.

                Turning off the light, I take another deep breath, and re-enter my room.

                Jacob is sitting on my bed holding something in his hands, horror written all over his face. At first I am confused, but then I feel only terror as I realize what he is holding. The secrets have finally decided to turn me in.  

 

Author's Note

Please write reviews. Really trying to decide if this is something I want to spend the time on to maybe publish.

Reviews

[Broken Serenity]

A piece somebody could truly connect to on a deeper level than most bam-whizz-kiss and to-the-point novels out today. Something that could keep the reader feeling clever, cliff-hangers on an end of a page that aren't hard to guess. It has a little something for everyone, break-ups, backstabbing friends, new romance, self acceptance, self worth. I personally connect to the issue of not eating. Though I'm clearly very skinny in appearance and don't aim to loose weight though I know that is always the result I can sometimes go two weeks without eating just to have something to focus on rather than whatever pain I'm trying to conceal. Right now I'm quite happily pigging out on a Calzone however and even though I'm not having the problem currently it's still something I can connect to and has me hooked. I use myself as an example of how one simple thing can have a person furiously clicking to view the next chapter.

In conclusion, I would publish it. Yet i would invest in longer chapters. Your story is clearly internet bound. I would add filler scenes, more character development via interacting and thought and further explain the purpose of dating Christian in the first place or becoming Taylors friend in the first place unless you planned to do that along the road.

[AlwaysOnline]

This is so good for you're age you should stick at this and maybe try to get published

[A. Amos]

I really like the flow and your story telling is simply spectacular!

[Andrew Liddy]

That was pretty good it reminds me a bit of the stuff I write, but I think it could use more description. a besides from that its a really heart felt story.:)

[cferraro]

Very interesting, minimal errors, and it kind of reminds me of Dexter for some reason, but that's probably just me. Anyways, great story!

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I like the flow and I think you are on to something here. Aside from a few grammatical errors (which you will no doubt pick up on through the editing process if you decide to further this) it is good and leaves us wanting to know what happens next. I would definitely continue to read this.

[Rachel Grace]

Thanks for the input. Yes, I'll edit more for grammar later on.

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You are welcome!