Chapter 5 - Sunset

I had tried everything I could to not think about that little reminder. I didn’t want to seem even more uncomfortable than I already was. Why was I having these feelings, if they are in fact the feelings I’m trying hard not to compare them too? I barely knew him, though it already seemed like I’ve known him for a while now. It was like everything was either out make me look crazier than I already do, or to make me feel crazier than I already feel. Ugh, can’t I just not feel for once? I thought, but I knew that wouldn’t happen.

When I finally was focusing on what was going on in the car, I realized that we had been driving for about 45 minutes now. I wasn’t doing much sightseeing, thanks to my obsessive mind wondering. I had no idea where we were, but I did notice that smile from earlier had appeared again and I knew we must have been getting close.

 “Are we almost there?” I gave into my mind and asked.

“Yes, just a little bit longer.” He glanced over at me just as I was looking towards the window and smiled again. He could tell I was getting impatient and he thought it was funny. “Patience isn’t one of your best qualities, is it?” he asked laughing a little.

“Nope, it’s really not.” I said laughing a little too. Didn’t take him long to figure that one out.

“I’d thoughts so. About fifteen more minutes.” he looked back to the road. I continued to distract myself my looking at the passing trees. One thing I had to admit was Oregon was definitely more beautiful than anywhere else I had lived.

Exactly as he’d said, fifteen minutes and an extremely bumpy road later, we were finally where he was aiming for. I still had no clue.

“What are you thinking about that’s had you so distracted for the last hour?” he asked.

“A lot of things really.” I answered, avoiding the question, but not lying.

“Hmm, you’re not going to tell me are you?” he laughed a little and got out of the car. It took him long enough for him to blink to be standing outside my door with it already open. That was going to take some time getting used to.

“Uh well, not right, no. This is your time and I don’t want to ruin it with the pointless ramblings in my head.” I told him while smiling, trying to let him know he really was better off not knowing. But I could see he didn’t care what it was about, he was just curious. “So what exactly are we doing here?” I asked when I realized we were standing, pretty much in the middle of no where.

“We’re going to hike up the mountain a little bit.” He said with a smile. “You don’t mind that, do you?”

Hiking great, maybe once we get to the top the real fun will start and I’ll trip and end up rolling down the hill. “Uh, yeah. That sounds fun.” I tried to hide just how much I felt the opposite of that, but he saw through it.

He laughed a little and grabbed my hand. “Well, my hiking is a little bit different from the hiking your thinking of. Would you like to find out?”

I was a little bit hesitant, but really was I going to say no? “Sure, as long as it don’t involve me rolling down a hill, it sounds great to me.” I said glancing up to the top of the mountain, squinting into the setting sun.

“Ok, well lets hurry then.” The smile on his face got even bigger and unbelievably more beautiful than the first time I saw it today. He reached over , put one hand behind my back, and then one arm under my legs, lifting me up. Before I could blink, it was almost as if we were flying. With no warning he was running all the way up the hill. In just a couple of seconds we were stopping at the top.

“Wow.” It was all I could manage to get out. I was dizzy and slightly nauseous, but it was amazing.

“Yeah, that’s how I get around.” He said with that same amazing smile.

I just stood there staring at him for a few seconds, till he distracted me by pointing at the sun. “Oh.” I said realizing the reason we were here was because of the sunset and from this view it was just about as amazing as the run up here. “It’s beautiful.” I said in a very low voice. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually said it out loud.

He led me over to an area close to the edge of the cliff. I was having a hard time moving after the run, and seeing the view up here. It was all unbelievable. I’ve never experience anything quite like it before. The sunset was a beautiful swirl of orange and pink. A slight purple at the edges as it darkens in to the night sky. I just stood there for a few seconds staring at it, until he started talking.

“I love coming up here, it’s very beautiful and it really helps clear your mind. If you just stop and absorb it all, you really can’t think of anything else.” He said while sitting down in a nice little grass covered spot, just safe enough from the edge for me. I had a feeling that when he was here by himself, he probably sat on the actual edge of the cliff. I laughed a little while thinking that and he looked at me curiously. I just smiled and sat down next to him. “Would you mind telling me what you were thinking about on the drive up now?” He looked away from me after he said it and I hadn’t realized that it was bugging him so much.

I took in a deep breath and tried to find the words to tell him, to explain without sounding stupid. Of course, for me, that was almost completely unavoidable. “I’ve just been thinking about how I’ve been feeling lately. Trying to define all the mixed feelings, some of them never felt before, some of them just really hard to understand why I’m feeling them now.” Just as I thought he would, he looked down at me even more confused and curious than before. Im pretty sure I only made it a little worse than before.

“Well, what have you been feeling lately and what makes them so unusual that they are so hard for you to define?”

“I um, I don’t really know. I’ve ran through so many ideas in my head and they all just end up becoming more confusing than before.” I stopped, hoping he would asking me something or maybe even change the subject, but he said nothing. I forced myself to continue, I just didn’t really know how or what to say. “Everything I feel somehow goes hand in hand, and I’m pretty sure they all lead to one thing that I’m not quite sure if I know what that is. I have an idea, but that itself is what confuses me so much.” I looked up at him and he seemed to be following along. I must have only confused myself.

“So what is that one thing that makes you feel all these other ways?” he asked sounding even more curious than before.

“Well the very first thing I felt was that “not right” feeling I already  told you about this morning. That one actually is not really mixed into this conversation. Actually, it kind of is.” I was either stalling or just nervous. Probably both, but it wasn’t making it any easier. I sighed; time to just get to the damn point. “What I’m trying to say Daniel is that I feel a way that I shouldn’t be feeling already, or at all. That is what kind of scares me. That one mixed with that other “not right” one, just doesn’t make any sense. When you meet someone, especially the way we met, you’re supposed to get to know them, and if you feel scared, weird, or whatever by the whole thing, you’re supposed to avoid it, not try your hardest to get closer because you’re afraid it’ll go away and you’ll never see it again. I know I’ve never been normal, but it even surprises me and I think that, most of all, is what scares me.  The fact that I feel this way now, so soon after meeting you, not even really twenty four  hours ago.” I stopped. I said so much it all kind of just ran together. “Sorry if that confused you more. Sometimes I just get so ahead of myself I cant get things out right.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, probably trying to still understand it all. So I just sat there staring at the last few remaining seconds of the sunset. I’d guess my head was a little different than most, because it really didn’t help me clear it at all. That really wasn’t much of a surprise.

A few more seconds passed, though it felt like hours, he finally looked at me, then glanced back and the edge of the cliff. “Hmm” was all he had really said and that could mean anything. Hmm, she really is crazy. Or, hmm, I wonder what Ive gotten myself into here. Either way, it probably wasn’t good. I just sighed again and looked toward the trees in the opposite of his direction. Looking at him really didn’t help and I all I felt like doing was jumping up and taking off toward the car, though I knew that wouldn’t end well.

“Well,” he finally said and I could feel him looking at me, but I didn’t look back. “I can see how all that can be confusing.” He laughed a little and I suddenly felt embarrassed.  “So what exactly is that feeling that scares you, the one you’re not sure about. That may help me make more sense of that. I mean I understand how all of this can be very confusing for you, but it seems like something much more… personal is what is affecting you.”

I was a little shocked, I really didn’t think he would’ve picked that up out of all of that. He was more observant than I had thought. I still kept my eyes on the trees while I tried to shove out the words I didn’t want to even think about. “The uh, only thing I can really relate it too is well…” I really struggled to get the words out. “It’s the way I’ve only really felt about one other person before, and that’s why it feels so weird. I barely know you and to have those feelings so soon, just isn’t really uh,  realistic.” I wasn’t sure if that had made sense, but he was just going to have to deal with that, I wasn’t about to try again.

“Oh, I see.” He stared at his feet for a second and I realized that maybe he really didn’t see what I had meant. “So, maybe I’m missing something, or maybe I’m getting the wrong idea, but are you possibly talking about Lilly’s father?”

My breathing cut off for a second. I guess he did get it. I thought. I tried to start breathing normally again, it was harder than it should have been. “Mhmm” it was the only thing I could force out.

“Are you saying you think you feel that way about me now?” he asked and he didn’t looked confused, he almost looked… happy?

I looked a deep unsteady breath and tried to explain. “Well, sort of yes. That’s the only thing I can compare it too. If its not exactly that, then it somewhat close. Again I know its too soon for that and that’s where the problems are coming from.” That part actually wasn’t so hard, as long as I kept looking at the trees I would do fine.

“So feeling that way about me is a problem?” as he said that, his started to sound as if he was offended by that.

Did he want me to feel that way? Was it not weird to him that it was too soon for that? “Well no. I mean uh, I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon?”

“Maybe sometimes you just know, and obviously you might. I don’t know, it was just a question. We don’t have to talk about anymore if you don’t want to.” He sounded offended again.

I turned to face him just as he was about to get up and he stopped and looked at me. “Daniel, I’m not saying its right or its wrong. I’m just saying considering everything, it’s weird and confusing.” His expression softened a little, but didn’t change. I was going to have to explain a little more. “Think about it from my point of view. I have a dream about this guy showing up in my life and I think nothing of it. The next night, I meet that guy, in pretty much the exact same way I saw in my dream, and my whole world turns upside down. Not necessarily in a bad way.  During all of this I have this horribly intense feeling that something isn’t right, that’s its dangerous and while I rack my brain trying to figure out why I feel this way, I somehow discover that I may feel a little more for you. In one drive to my house, one conversation, somehow I find that the feelings are dramatically developing into something that I can’t quite figure what it is. Then, some amount of hours later, when I’m with you again, those feeling somehow have turned into something even stronger and then, after being away from you and then seeing you again, I realize exactly what those feelings remind me of. I’ve only felt that way about one other person before Daniel, and it turned out horribly.” I had to stop there for a second because emotions proving why I wanted to avoid this were starting to take over and I didn’t want him to see that, but I didn’t want to end it there. “It doesn’t matter who you are, or how we met, none of that matters. What matters is, I’ve been through this before and I’m not ready to give in so quickly, but I’m not sure I even have a choice.” I laughed a little because that was the one thing I was almost positive about, I really didn’t have a choice in this.

He was still staring at me, all emotions gone. Except for one, he now looked sad. I didn’t like that look on his face, it didn’t fit, and it made me feel sad. He then took my hand, without taking his eyes off mine, and pulled me into his arms. He was cold, and although it was kind of starting to get cold out, it was comfortable. It almost felt right. I sighed while leaning into him and wrapped my arms around him too. It wasn’t almost right, it was right. Every feeling I was worrying about before was completely wiped out of my mind. Just as he had told me the sunset did for him, he did for me. My sunset. Beautiful, unique, and just… amazing. I couldn’t quite describe everything he was, but those three things were definite. I sighed in comfort and he held me closer.

A few minutes of comfortable silence later and he let me go. I didn’t want to let go and that made him smile, that same beautiful smile that he wore when we had first gotten here. Everything in those few moments was absolutely perfect.

He interrupted that perfect moment by saying it was getting late and he had to get me home. He was right, I had no idea how late it was, but I didn’t want to make it too late and upset Grams. We ran back down the hill and it was just as exciting, also just as nauseating, as it was the first time. I figured that wasn’t something I was going to get used to very easily. He set me on my feet carefully, not letting go, and opened the car door and helped me in. Just a second later he was starting the car and pulling away from this beautiful place. He reached over and held my hand with a smile. That smile was something I probably wasn’t going to get used to either. It sent a shiver down my spine and I smiled back.

It was quite for a few minutes, which I was fine with. I could tell he was thinking hard about something. Almost like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to bring something up, or there was another question he wanted to ask. It was actually a little of both. He asked me about Lilly’s father and why he wasn’t around. I was a little uneasy talking about him so openly, but while Daniel held my hand, everything seemed ok.

I started with telling him how I’d met her father and went all the way to the break up and the fight which led me to being a single mother. I was actually surprised with how I was able to go into details and laugh about it. Something I’ve never been able to do even when I thought to myself about it. Daniel really did have some time of power over me, and while I had no idea how, why, or what that was, I didn’t really care. I felt free with him. Twenty four hours of knowing him, and already I felt more comfortable with him than I have with anyone, ever. It really was amazing, he was amazing. I really don’t know what I did to get him, but I was lucky. All those bad feelings started to settle fade and real comfort was what took its place. I didn’t know how such a thing was possible in such a short time, maybe I was blind, crazy, or whatever you call someone who jumped into things too fast, but I didn’t care. I wanted nothing to change.

 

We pulled up to my house, and I wasn’t ready to go inside yet. We had talked about so much, we were running out of topics, but I could tell he didn’t want to leave either. We somehow started joking about my dreams and the fact that I may be some sort of weird psychic. That had me laughing the most, but it also got me thinking and the conversation got a bit more serious.

“You know that dream where I saw you, it wasn’t the first weird dream I had about moving here.” I said.

He looked at me curiously raising one eyebrow. “Really?” he asked. “Who else did you dream about meeting?” he laughed and I laughed a little too.

“No, seriously. As soon as I’d made the decision to move, I started having really crazy dreams and this twisting feeling in my stomach, that ‘not right’ twisting I call it, every time I thought about this place. I still have no idea what that would be about, since the only thing I’ve seen so far is you. I’m sure it’ll be hard to recognize those dreams if they do, by some chance, happen too. They were just bits and pieces of flashing pictures. Sort of like watching a slide show on fast forward.” I looked at him for a second before looking back out the window.

“Well, like I said before, pay attention to them, and if you’d like, since I have a great memory, tell me about them. Even if its three o’clock in the morning. Then if something happens, like your described dream that you don’t notice, maybe I will and I’ll point it out. Maybe you can start making sense of all these ‘bits and pieces.’”

I hadn’t really noticed he was still holding my hand till he squeezed it. I was glad he was taking me seriously, it was starting to bug me that my dreams were really happening, well one certain one so far, but still when all those dreams were directed to this place, it made me realize I’d only been here for two days. Two days and one dream came true; I don’t want to even think about the others that could. I couldn’t even tell what the images were half the time, they blurred by so fast, but one thing I did know was, it wasn’t anything good.

Daniel loosened his grip on my hand a little and was about to pull it away. “Well its getting late, and I don’t want your grandmother thinking I’m going to keep having you out late every night.” He smiled an little and then ran his hand up my arm slowly to my face, he stopped at my chin and held it. After a seconds, and a few expressions I couldn’t recognize, he leaned in closer to my face. He was close enough I could feel his breath on my face, and it smelt amazing. Was there anything about him that wasn’t amazing? I thought distracting myself a little bit. He tipped his head to the side and moved just enough that his lips gently touched mine. Oh. My. God. Was all I could think. It was like little tiny volts of electricity were passing from his lips to mine, he felt cold, but somehow my lips were so warm it didn’t matter. The electricity was much like when he first touched me, only this time it felt good, really good.

I slowly pushed myself a little harder against him, bringing up one of my hands to put on his face, but I ended up wrapping it around his neck. He had both his hands on my face tightly, yet not enough to hurt, but tight enough to know he didn’t want to let go any time soon. Neither did I. My breathing speed up just as the kissing did. He moved his lips away from my mouth, slowly kissing down my neck. The little bits of electricity followed there making every spot his lips touched tingle. I was able to catch my breathe a little then, but not before I let out a little sound that I wasn’t even sure came from me. It sounded like a quiet moan and I wished I could take it back. He tensed a little, but came back up and kissed my mouth again, it was just a little different than before. Before I was ready he pulled away a little and looked into my eyes and laughed a little. I just stared at him, panting like an idiot.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away.” He said still laughing a little.

“Uh, its ok. I guess I did too.” I looked away embarrassed and tried to even my breathing.

I could feel him tense again and I looked back at him. He was looking down at the steering wheel and he eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“You didn’t pull away. You didn’t even seem scared.” He said sounding a little shocked.

I didn’t quite get what he meant, but after a second, when my head was clear of the tingling, I realized why I should have been afraid. After all he was a vampire and he was kissing my neck. I sighed. “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. I hadn’t shown any sign of being scared of him before, just as he hasn’t shown me any sign that I should be.

“Oh?” he looked surprised. “That’s it? Oh? I would have figured you would said something else.”

“Hmm, like what? Im not scared of you Daniel. You haven’t given me any reason to be. We were alone the whole night and you didn’t do anything. Why would you do something now? In my driveway?” I laughed a little. That would have been kind of dumb on his part, I think.

“True, but still. It’s who I am Rayanne, you should have been at least a little worried. I mean, I like that you aren’t, but I don’t know. You shouldn’t trust me so quick. I am what I am, sometimes we can slip.” He then turned a little worried. Like maybe the thought crossed his mind while kissing me. I shuttered a little.

“You didn’t though, I wouldn’t have felt something.” I laughed. “Remember, im kind of a freak. I felt nothing but…” What did I feel? I thought. Maybe it was incredible, wonderful, amazing, or ridiculously happy. Seeing what kind of mood he was in, now was not the time to go into that.  Maybe I’ll just pick one. “It was great Daniel, no bad feelings, no nothing. Just great.” I guess that works. Great didn’t exactly cover it though. “Well something along the lines of great anyways.” I said while laughing again.

He just stared at me for a minute, looking slightly confused. Then he looked worried, then it went back to slightly confused. I looked down at my hands for a second. Maybe it was only great to me. Oh well. I’ll take it.

“I just want you to be careful. I don’t want to hurt you, and if I ever did. I couldn’t live with myself afterwards.” He looked sad when he said that. I could tell he meant it.

“Daniel I don’t think you will. But it was just a kiss. I’m sorry if you didn’t like it, but for me, it was amazing.” I looked out the window when I said that. All self-consciousness showing.

“Don’t be crazy.” He said while laughing. That’s a little hard. I thought. “It was amazing for me too, I’ve never had such a kiss before.” He was smiling and then it slowly faded. “But it started as just a kiss, Rayanne, later it could be more, and that could… Well that could be very bad for you.” He said this looking straight into my eyes. I don’t even remember turning to look at him.

“Well then we’ll just have to be more careful then wont we.” I said

“This is serious.” He narrowed his eyes a little and sighed.

“I am, really. I’m taking in all seriousness of this situation.” I added.

“But your still going to push your luck?” he asked with a little humorless laugh

“No, I’m just going to let things happen. I’m not going to do them intentionally to see how much I can survive through. But if a kiss happens, I’m not going to be the one to stop it.” I said smiling.

He laughed a little and held my hand. “You really are weird aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that too.

Author's Note

I'm new at writing and I except any criticism. I just ask that you please be nice about it. There may be some grammar errors, but I haven't made things final yet.